Offered a council house – should I take it?

[LavenderLilly]

Please please help. (timeframe removed by Moderator) I received an offer of a council house (number removed by Moderator) miles from my current home and my son’s school. I went to view it and it’s in what’s known as a rough area. The house itself was just bare plaster on all the walls, overgrown wilderness in the garden, dirty windows and dirty front door. I need to tell the council on (timeframe removed by Moderator) if I’m to accept it. I walked away crying. I’m currently in a lovely big new build house and I arrived home and cried my eyes out, it’s dawned on me now what I am going to leave behind and my heart is breaking. I feel so overwhelmed and sad right now. My current home has so many memories where I raised my children, i know my neighbours and Mums in the community and I’ve been here for years. I can’t even look at photos of our house now without crying.

Please help. I’m so scared and I can’t stop crying. The reality has hit hard and i can’t help feeling it’s so unfair that my husband gets to stay in our lovely home and I am forced to leave with nothing 😢

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Do you mind me asking why your husband gets to stay in your house? Is that a permanent arrangement? Or will he have to sell it as part of the divorce settlement?

If the answer is ‘yes’ he will have to sell it once the divorce is finalized, then both of you will get half of the value of that property? At that point you can buy a new house?
In that case the council house is just a temporary measure for you to escape the horrible atmosphere? ( sorry if I sound like I’m playing your suffering down, I really don’t mean to, and I know how truly unbearable it is, (removed by Moderator))

If its a temporary measure I would say YES! Take it.
Being safe is better than having the trimmings of a perfect life. And it’s just a stop gap while things get sorted out?

I lived in a ‘rough area’ once and I remember it with great love. You may find it’s a lovely new beginning.

[LavenderLilly]

Thanks for replying. We currently have a housing association new build house. It was brand new when we moved in, we were really lucky to be given that. My husband doesn’t know of my plans and how I registered myself as intentionally homeless due to domestic abuse (no physical but there’s been threats in the past) The area we are in is decent and all my sons friends/my sons school is here.

I think if where I was going was just temporary it wouldn’t be so bad but I would likely be stuck there for a long time as I can’t afford to privately rent or buy a house. A lot of council house swaps will avoid this particular area too as it’s got such a bad name. Unfortunately I get only one chance in my current situation and if I turn this down I go right to the bottom of the list. I wish I had more time to decide.

I will be given a “paint pack” from the council and I also will be in receipt of a benevolent fund which is linked to my line of work to fund furniture etc.

I do worry that my teen won’t want to stay with me as all his friends and his school are in the area we are in now. This house is far away from his comp and friends etc.

I really don’t know what I’m going to do.

 

 

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I really hope someone who knows more about this than me can help you with this. I can offer moral support but not much more, as I don’t know how this stuff works.However I do remember reading somewhere that you do not make yourself intentionally homeless when domestic abuse is the cause. I think it was Citizens advice who told me this. You will be unintentionally homeless. Make sure you get this changed on your file.

At this late stage my advice would be say yes to the council house. It may be that you need to back out at the last minute, if, for example, some of your property is damaged , or you are insulted or scared in the street because it’s a bad neighborhood. But it will probably be easier to back out afterwards rather than say no now and go to the bottom of the list.

But, I do wonder if you could say yes, provisionally, and then talk to as many people as you can this week, solicitors, council, domestic violence unit etc

Would that work do you think?

[EvenSerpentsShine]

If it’s any consolation, almost all of us walk away from these horrible relationships with nothing, some with horrendous debts. Most of us just with nothing. No friends, no jobs, no money. Some lucky enough to claw back some capital from the sale of their houses after months of painful divorce and solicitors fees.
You aren’t alone.

 

[LavenderLilly]

Sorry – I meant to write unintentionally homeless not intentionally homeless

[Allornothing]

Hi LavenderLilly, I know exactly how your feel but unfortuantely I don’t have much advice but I would definitely recommend what EvenserpentsShine has said, accept it and then talk to as many services as you can about your options.

I recently hit the anniversary of leaving and went back through old messages I had sent.  I think this is important for me to realise how far I am come.  I was given temporary housing and like you, I was in tears as it was an area known for not being nice – I believed I was moving to the ghetto.  That being sad, I pulled up my big girl pants and scrubbed it and made it home as best I could and came to realise, the ‘ghetto’ had a sense of community, kids played out every day and I came to no harm.  Even when I bidded successfully, I again panicked and thought I was moving to another ghetto and in fact, it was a lovely place and I had got that totally wrong also!

But I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach, we lose everything – the only thing I kept was the debt and my daughters furniture. But it was still the best decision I ever made.  Whilst I was going through it, he was trying to get me back and my daughter said ‘he won’t change, you’ve seen how hard it was to get here and you won’t want to do it again’ and she was right, so I choose the ghetto and stuck to my guns and if anything, that made her even more proud of me.

I think at this moment in time, if it means getting away then take it.  Does your son know the steps you are taking?  My daughter was in college and was more than aware of how things were building up and in fact, she was the reason I left as she was starting to see things and he stopped caring as she was getting older so I had to run!

Sorry it is such a hard decision to make and I hope you are ok, sending love xx

[InShock]

Your daughter is amazing. What a great support 🙂

[StrongLife]

I too was forced to flee and leave with nothing. Over time you will rebuild your life, get possessions – life will change.

[Author]

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