26th March 2016 at 8:08 am #12258SFHolding2Participant
Just a quick update, it’s been nearly a year since recognising the abuse. I left quite quickly after recognising it, I got social services involved as I needed some help for my son, who was also being abused by my ex.
I am hoping that things are improving day by day.
I am still in a tiny flat being very overcrowded, but my ex has agreed to buy me out and I am relocating very soon to my own house.I have moved childrens schools which I did before the move to stagger all the changes in manageable ways for both them and me.
My son and me are having abuse counselling (separately) and although I don’t think I will ever be my former self, I am wiser, and doing things more for me and being compassionate to myself. My son is gaining so much more confidence and leading an active social life instead of a recluse. My ex still uses the children in his power and control, but are eldest is wise to it…..I am only hoping the others will eventually see things in the same way to protect themselves from his emotional abuse.
My job is fantastic…I love it! All in all my life is moving on in all the right directions. Life after abuse has its ups and downs but given time we will all get to where we really want to be. Love and hugs to you all and thanks for all the support xx
26th March 2016 at 8:47 am #12265Falling SkysParticipant
Thank you for the update you deserve it all, can’t wait to I can my post lie this gives me so much hope.
26th March 2016 at 8:59 am #12267LisaMain Moderator
This is so great to hear Unity, you have come so far. Thanks for sharing this, it’s nice to hear from someone who is coming out the other end. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
26th March 2016 at 9:08 am #12270Falling SkysParticipant
like not lie
26th March 2016 at 12:58 pm #12279AyannaParticipant
Unity, you are an inspiration for us all! xx
26th March 2016 at 1:01 pm #12281mixed-up mumParticipant
Hi – nice to hear you are doing fine and getting you life back together. 🙂
I hope one day I can be like this too.
My life at the moment feels like I’m trudging through deep thick mud I’m up to my knees in it and unable to move forwards or backwards – I’m stuck…….
27th March 2016 at 6:26 am #12329SerenityParticipant
Lovely to hear from you again! Wow, what a transformation!
So glad you are finding work so enjoyable. Amazing that you got the house back.
Like you, my eldest can see my ex for what he is; the youngest is not yet at so clear a stage, since his dad is grooming him, but like you, I hope as he gets older, he will realise important truths.
I don’t think we ever return to our former selves, because our former selves were too trusting and too self-effacing and didn’t feel we were entitled to set any boundaries : hopefully our new selves are stronger, more resilient and more kind to ourselves and more aware of the gifts we have to offer humankind in general, whilst being aware of the need for firm boundaries X
27th March 2016 at 8:42 am #12331White RoseParticipant
Another positive post! Lovely to hear this Unity xx
27th March 2016 at 2:15 pm #12350Confused123Participant
Godo to hear you and kids are progressing so well
29th March 2016 at 9:39 am #12458SFHolding2Participant
Thanks everyone, it is true what Serenity says, we will never be ourselves prior to the abuse…but I have tried to see this as a positive. I was far too trusting, forgiving and I put up with terrible emotional abuse which was way beyond what you would expect from a loving respectful relationship.
The things I have learnt from the experience is: be compassionate to me, I am worth my own investment. I take time to enjoy things I want to, I try not to feel guilt for doing this (it still is there slightly, but getting loads better). Be open an honest (I was embarrassed to tell anyone of the abuse, but once I opened up, everyone was so supportive), there is no shame in admitting what happened as it was not my fault.
I have started to enjoy being me…warts and all! I can be moody and ill tempered at times, but my good outweighs my bad and no one is perfect, but I am happy to be me.
I am not sure that I would have felt like this prior to the abuse, although the abuse was awful, in a funny kind of way it did me a favour, the art of acceptance and self respect and being compassionate to me would not be a priority as it is to me now. It’s a rocky road out there but you will get there. Stay positive as much as you can x*x
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