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    • #46017
      buddha
      Participant

      Hi all, I finally found the strength to kick my husband out (detail removed by Moderator) ago after he grabbed me cos I was trying to take our young children upstairs out off the way, while I had the youngest in my arms he raised his fist & I actually didn’t care if he hit me as long as my babies were safe. He had a mate here who did nothing to help me get the kids to safety. My neighbour could hear all off my babies crying with fear, I managed to get one safely to her but he grabbed the youngest 2, luckily neighbours down the road heard me screaming get off me then scream give me my babies back, they came running into my garden to help me get my kids back.
      As soon as my children were at my neighbours I called the police as it was the final straw after years off mental abuse, him breaking my stuff, always calling me a rubbish mum etc. I feel bad that I never left him (detail removed by Moderator) ago when he had his arm so tight around my throat I couldn’t breath, he then punched me so hard I had a black eye which my oldest child saw happen. He was arrested as my oldest called the police but a fool I didn’t press charges & if anyone asked what happened I said my baby hit me while in the baby walker.
      I feel like the police took his word over mine as my neighbour wouldn’t give a statement although he tried taking one off my babies off her, he then took my youngest off a friend who was helping look after my babies while I was on the phone to the police, as soon as I got her back he told me he was going to kill me, I told the person straight away. He went off (detail removed by Moderator) shortly after & the police took (detail removed by Moderator) to finally get to mine, they stayed on the phone until he was found.
      The officers who spoke to me the day off the incident & took my statement said I was medium risk & would push for him not to be allowed down my road as bail conditions. I got a call the following day saying he was being released without charge, the female officer even said about me taking him back!! He has a record for domestic abuse as I stupidly didn’t listen to his ex wife when she told me about the controlling behaviour & when he was arrested for assaulting her (detail removed by Moderator), she dropped the charges but I don’t know why.
      (detail removed by Moderator) ago he tried breaking into my house as I locked the doors after he started an argument about me not having money to give him so he could buy booze, I told him calmly if he didn’t leave I would call the police, soon after he sent a txt saying if I called the police he would take one out.
      He sent me (detail removed by Moderator) txts in (detail removed by Moderator) days, tried calling (detail removed by Moderator), got his family to contact me & even sent an email. I called the police after the first (detail removed by Moderator) texts as he was also texting my oldest. The police didn’t come out when they said they would but made an appointment for (detail removed by Moderator) days later, in total he sent (detail removed by Moderator) texts in (detail removed by Moderator) days so I called the police again, the male officer they sent out said all he could do was advice my husband not to contact only by 3rd party about the children, I told the officer how scared I am, also showed him the text he sent the other week about taking down an officer. I also let him know that he took his oldest child from the mum but all I got told was call 999 if he turns up.
      I had a call the following day apologising for not visiting me at the agreed time, I informed the officer someone had been out the night before but the paperwork wasn’t on the system.
      husband has contacted me again so now waiting to see what the police will.
      sorry for long post but have no one to help me

    • #46018
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi and welcome. If you ring the helpline number on here they can give you lots of information. Including free legal advice from Rights for Women. Keep a journal of everything he does. Every contact. Keep emails and texts. Speak to domestic abuse police officers. I found the regular police just didn’t do as good a job. You can also get free legal advice from a family solicitor. Most offer the first half hour free. Go to your GP if you haven’t already done that. This is a good way of evidencing your trauma at his abuse. The court will want evidence when it comes to access to children etc. You said yourself that you didn’t press charges. His previous wife probably felt the same way that you do. His previous conduct is also good evidence for a non harassment order or non molestation order through the civil courts if there isn’t enough evidence to prosecute you should consider a civil order. Women’s aid could help you with this. Also, find your local victim support or ring their helpline. There’s lots of help out there for you. Including on here. I know you must be feeling traumatised. He’s put your children in danger too. Well done for getting him out and reporting his abuse. We cannot escape on our own so take all the help you can get. Hang in there. You deserve better x

    • #46020
      buddha
      Participant

      I emailed this site yesterday as with very young children I am lucky to have a few minutes to myself, was advised about this forum. I am hoping when my oldest gets up she will help with the 3 babies so I can call someone. I have written down every time he has contacted me, also kept all the messages although his number is blocked on my phone I can still read them. As he has not threatened me & keeps saying sorry & wants to see the kids the officer didn’t seem to care.
      The main police station near me is in the town he is now staying in, it’s also where all the main supermarkets & solicitors are, it makes me feel like he still has control over us. Doesn’t help he knows what day my oldest works & the hours so I am scared doing the drop off & pick up just so she is safe.
      I am going to make an appointment tomorrow with my GP as I need as much help as possible.
      The fact he is known to the police for various things & always gets away with it has made me feel like I can’t trust them.
      Do you know how I can talk to Domestic Abuse police? A lot has happened over the years that I should have seen the signs but always forgave him, blamed the fact he was drunk etc & believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again.
      thank you for replying, means a lot x

    • #46021
      KIP.
      Participant

      In the U.K. ring 101 and ask to speak to a domestic abuse officer. They can come out and visit you. The police can only work with the information they have and if you’ve refused to press charges in the past I found it can taint some officers opinion but not the domestic abuse unit. He’s getting away with things because no one will stand up to him and hold him accountable. The domestic abuse unit understand the fear, the obligation and the guilt that keeps us trapped. Every single time he breaches bail conditions you must report it. This behaviour shows a pattern that in law can be used against him. There are new stalking laws too. Get your shopping delivered for a while so you don’t have to go to the supermarket and if you find a local solicitor then explain your situation and ask for a telephone consultation. Drop your oldest round the corner and pick her up round the corner. Ring the police right away if he turns up. I’m afraid I found it’s the victim who shouts the loudest that gets heard so keep shouting loudly. Google rights for women. They offer free telephone advice. Every time he tries to ring you that’s breaching bail conditions. I know it’s a lot to take in but I found that in the very early stages I put in boundaries. Not least bail. And every time he pushed the boundary I pushed back. By reporting his behaviour, by retaining a solicitor, by starting divorce and separation procedures. Once these boundaries are in place in your mind, it becomes easier. Don’t listen to his calls just save them for the police. No contact is the way forward. If he wants to see his children then he goes to court and arranges access via a third party. It doesn’t matter what his reasons are for contacting you. If he has bail conditions or even if you have told him not to contact you, he is breaking the law. Harassment, stalking, putting you in a state of fear and distress. Hang in there x

    • #46023
      buddha
      Participant

      He was released without bail (detail removed by Moderator), I wouldn’t feel safe for my daughter to walk around the corner but luckily where she works I can park directly outside & all the staff & customers can see my car.
      Got to wait until (detail removed by Moderator) before I can even think about divorce cos you have to be married 12 months first which I personally feel is wrong for domestic abuse victims, looked it up as soon as I could.
      It feels like he knows he can get away with it cos the last txt started with “(detail removed by Moderator)“.
      Once I finally hear from the police about the txt from yesterday I will ask to speak to a Domestic Abuse officer as I am keeping my phone free for them to contact me.
      Thank you again for your help, it’s nice knowing I will be ok once everything is in place properly & there is a light at the end off the tunnel as they say x

    • #46036

      Welcome! Just like you I only found out about this site a few days ago and it’s really helping me build my strength to leave my abusive husband. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure what you have and that your poor babies have had to witness it, my children have also witnessed the abuse my partner has put me through and that has been my breaking point where I no longer want them to witness it and I’m going to leave him. You’re not alone and don’t ever think you are. Make sure you keep a log of everything he does whether it be messages or voicemails because every single bit of evidence will help if it ever goes through court and because you’ll have evidence he can’t deny it. Stay strong x*x

    • #46037
      buddha
      Participant

      I don’t have voicemail but have written down every bit off contact. I promised my children would never see what I did growing up as my mum was in a similar situation although did not live with her. My children have given me the strength I need at the moment & keep me going when all I want to do is break down & cry. I can honestly say each day I feel a bit stronger although I am still waiting for the police to contact me after reporting the latest text message. This site is such a great help & I feel very lucky to have found it x

    • #46206
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      Im glad u got out safely with your kids, keep posting on here and the ladies will guide and support u as much as they can , soon as police do come log a statement of all the abuse, im sure ladies have advised u already to log with gp, consider getting a non mol against him to protect u and your kids and ask for cousnelling for all of u , long term it helps, so its good to be put on waiting list straight away

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