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    • #145252

      Im no longer with my ex but he would frequently say things and I could never tell if he was joking or being serious. Sometimes he would say that he was joking but only after quite a while and I’d usually guessed by that point. But it’s the times he didn’t have left me wondering because it was usually serious things that he was “joking” about, like doing things to me when I was asleep. Also he would promise to do things (that would make my life easier) but he’d never do them then hed have a go at me for forgetting to do something or not doing it his way. I’m now feeling very guarded towards new people and struggling to trust my gut. Sorry for the rambling

    • #145259

      Redstrawberry what he did is referred to as Garret jokes (jokes are meant to be funny for both) a bit of banter is ok but abusers just make horrible,comments, statements, threats and ways and test the waters of something all under the name of “joke” it’s sadistic it’s a sly way of saying something then getting you to feel bad and evading responsibly for what they’ve said, these sound familiar? Oh why can’t you take a joke, it was just a joke, your too sensitive, you need to get a sense of humour, it’s just part of abusers just being their abusive selves, it also gives them an added bonus of leaving us confused by it + keeping us vulnerable

    • #145260

      Saying something is a joke takes away our right to say it upsets us or isn’t ok. This is how they get away with such nastiness sometimes.

      Future faking or empty promises are another trick. It gets us off their backs or compliant in that moment and when we question it down the line, cue nastiness.

      You’re not alone x

    • #145261

      Thank you for your replies. Yes I was often told I had no sense of humour and over sensitive. It’s definitely confusing, all the horribleness but then could be so nice. No wonder I didn’t see what was happening for a long time.

      • #145296

        Yep it’s just another one 1 of their sick abuse tactics, I think most of us on here have heard those statements before (I know I have, from more that one person) it’s the way they are/what they do
        It just them 💚💛💚

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