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Im no longer with my ex but he would frequently say things and I could never tell if he was joking or being serious. Sometimes he would say that he was joking but only after quite a while and I’d usually guessed by that point. But it’s the times he didn’t have left me wondering because it was usually serious things that he was “joking” about, like doing things to me when I was asleep. Also he would promise to do things (that would make my life easier) but he’d never do them then hed have a go at me for forgetting to do something or not doing it his way. I’m now feeling very guarded towards new people and struggling to trust my gut. Sorry for the rambling
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Redstrawberry what he did is referred to as Garret jokes (jokes are meant to be funny for both) a bit of banter is ok but abusers just make horrible,comments, statements, threats and ways and test the waters of something all under the name of “joke” it’s sadistic it’s a sly way of saying something then getting you to feel bad and evading responsibly for what they’ve said, these sound familiar? Oh why can’t you take a joke, it was just a joke, your too sensitive, you need to get a sense of humour, it’s just part of abusers just being their abusive selves, it also gives them an added bonus of leaving us confused by it + keeping us vulnerable
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Saying something is a joke takes away our right to say it upsets us or isn’t ok. This is how they get away with such nastiness sometimes.
Future faking or empty promises are another trick. It gets us off their backs or compliant in that moment and when we question it down the line, cue nastiness.
You’re not alone x
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Thank you for your replies. Yes I was often told I had no sense of humour and over sensitive. It’s definitely confusing, all the horribleness but then could be so nice. No wonder I didn’t see what was happening for a long time.
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Yep it’s just another one 1 of their sick abuse tactics, I think most of us on here have heard those statements before (I know I have, from more that one person) it’s the way they are/what they do
It just them 💚💛💚
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My partner does this all the time. Makes sly, mean comments that he knows will upset me and when I call him out, says ‘I was joking, ‘it’s only a joke’. My response is, ‘it’s not funny and you’re the only one that’s laughing’. Then I reply with something like, ‘you’re fat and ugly and when he calls me out, follow it up with ‘I was only joking’. But I hate doing this and I know it’s not normal, healthy banter for a supposedly loving relationship and it leaves me upset as well. He wasn’t like this at the start of our relationship when he was love bombing me to lure me in. I always think, God, how has my life come to this? It’s so depressing.
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Don’t forget actionable things they do aswell “I’m just having a laugh” can’t you take a joke. When it’s not even funny or something to laugh at the thing mine does is when I’m angry he goes to kiss me and it gets soo confusing he also calls me pet names to make it more lovable instead of saying sorry I said that or I didn’t mean it.
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