This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  standtogether 3 days, 16 hours ago.

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  • #97656
     Overcome 
    Participant

    I realise I am or have been codependent…

    I have let myself fully feel all of the hurt and pain inside of me over the passed few days, listened to pod casts and done lots of reading. And I am starting to understand how I have enabled his abuse to continue. As now i have stood up to him he has vanished.

    I’ve found myself hurt by his family shutting me out and I know that it’s because I want them to hear me and believe me. Even my own family I have been feeling are withdrawing- I don’t think they understand exactly how hard it is to get out of this situation.

    I am identifying I am really concerned with how people see me, this had me worried that I was as bad as him! What if it was me all along?

    And then I remember that all I ever want is for people to be happy…

    Now I need to make sure i include myself, no one cares for you being a martyr.

    Just felt like sharing, I know some will understand x

  • #97677
     standtogether 
    Participant

    Hello Overcome,

    I can really relate to this. I too have recently realised I was codependent and have blamed myself, but these abusive people do go for these traits in a person too, as they know we will meet their needs. Now recognising it at least we can work on ourselves I guess, but absolutely no blame. We just wanted to love and be loved and we weren’t shown love, kindness or understanding. So please try not to look to inwardly on this.

    I still pick apart what happened with him on a daily basis to try and work it all out in my head and some day’s I feel like he wins the battle and some days I do. It feels like such a tiring battle in my head. I just find it so hard to believe even still after all the things I’ve read/watched/attended that he would do this deliberately. But I think I had a bit of a turning point after counselling yesterday. They don’t understand that this is not normal thinking, behaviour or way to treat people. Not giving them excuses but they just have learned a way of life that in their heads works for them and thats hardwired and no one can touch.

    Sending love and strength x

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