Opinion on excuses for DA

[teabag]

I have a number of emails and text messages highlighting that I’m being abused by my ex and I’m
Frightened. In the same email I acknowledge what a terrible time he’s had.

Then I discovered an email he sent to a family member outlining his declining mental health and stating he’s been angry at me and unfairly taken things out on me. As I’m reading this I start to feel sorry for him. I start to think – he’s got a valid reason, he was depressed, feeling suicidal, angry because of his childhood. I can’t possible report him.

Then my rational mind kicks in and says” hang on -people suffer, we all have a sad story and we don’t abuse other people.

Yet, I’m hesitant. But can I have your opinion please.

[KIP.]

His behaviour was calculated and targeted to you. So he can absolutely control his behaviour when he wants to. Otherwise he would abuse anyone and everyone. Domestic abuse is targeted calculated premeditated and designed to retain control over someone they pretned to love. So my opinion is don’t waste your emotions on somebody like that. Stay well away and concentrate on yourself. Don’t ever excuse domestic abuse. We all have a choice how we treat others x regarding reporting his abuse, that’s a personal choice but I can tell you I would have regretted not reporting him.

[diymum@1]

Put yourself first now teabag, you’ve been through enough. Prolonging this will cause you more damage xx luv diymum xx

[Iwantmeback]

Oh he’s clever isn’t he? One email doesn’t negate everything he’s said and done to you Teabag. If everyone with mental health problems and a bad temper abused all around them, no-one would escape abusive behaviour would they?
Fir too long we’ve been led to believe abusers can’t help themselves, there have always been reasons why they do this. But those reasons do not cause a person to be abusive, they are used to hide behind, to fool society. An abuser chooses to abuse, the same as we choose to find a logical reason, (to which there aren’t any)in order to make sense of why he abuses us.
We can fool ourselves fir so long Teabag,💜 then one day it’s not enough. We see him for what he is,…a bully, a liar, a cheat, an abuser.
Take care sweetheart, knowledge is power as they say. We are behind you every step of the way.

IWMB 💕💕

[maddog]

I know how wretched depression can be. Teabag, you are in no position to sort it out or cure it! He’s being horrid to you anyway and you weren’t there when it all kicked off for him. Were he to tell you that he’s feeling awful, he’s been to his doc, the pills should kick in and he’s having therapy, and seeking professional help it might be different.

He’s not doing that. He’s dumping you with a sob story expecting you to take it on board and feel sorry for him. It’s not your sob story. It’s his for the doctor to help him with. Please try not to be drawn in. It really isn’t your problem. You know that there is a better life out there for you without a professional misery guts who doesn’t want to take responsibility.

[teabag]

Thank you everyone. I asked him to go and seek therapy because he was taking all his anger toward his family out on me. He went in and off but never committed. He did say he was diagnosed with PTSD but I never saw any evidence of this diagnosis.

I’m reading a book- why does he do that/ and the author states that there is no excuse for abuse. Your so right, lots of us had depression and unbelievable stress and we didn’t abuse people we loved.

I’m still trying to get through to WAnsmd speak to someone. Once I have all my ducks lined up I will report. I have to to protect his next victim. I’m still moving on with my life not I don’t think I could live with myself if I just did nothing.i don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to hurt anyone but I don’t want him
To hurt another woman, family.

[Flowerchild]

Dear Teabag,

Nothing is an excuse for DA. We all have bad times and some of us have tragic childhood histories.

None of us gets a free pass to abuse anyone, though, especially not those who love and support us.

Feel sorry for him, by all means, but just make sure to do it from a safe distance!

Flower x

[teabag]

Just want to clarify something. I don’t feel sorry for him but for a split second I did. This then got me thinking that other people would be the same and fall for his BS.

I don’t know why I felt sorry for him amdcehy I questioned and doubted my view on what he did to me. I guess that’s part of my learning and detoxing from his abuse. X

[Iwantmeback]

Oh well done teabag,😘 I’m really beginning to see a stronger, funny clever lady in your posts now. You are learning how he’s behaved and that it was never your fault. When we realise that and really really believe it, don’t just read it but really deep down realise it wasn’t me, that’s when we start to slowly day by day begin our healing. There’s no timeline to it, each of us is unique, so our time for healing is unique to us. Yes we have down days, and some have worse days with depression, but you are doing so well my friends. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come💞💛 and you should be too.

IWMB 💕💕

[maddog]

My ex was so blardy miserable. He always said he was depressed since when I met him. I think he probably is, but only in a self-interested way and as an excuse to behave badly.

[Doris]

Hi Teabag, you discovered an email … mmmmm. I only ‘discover’ things that I am meant to see. ATM I am trying to think when I might have deleted certain contacts on my mobile and messages, which is the opposite of ‘discovering’ things. I worry I am being paranoid because my phone seems to be sanitised these days. I am going to have to make a point of keeping it in a drawer instead of leaving it lying about like usual. Why do we have to be so suspicious all the time? Well done for moving on with your life. Wish I was in that position – definitely ‘no contact’ then. X

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Doris i have a password on my phone now. In the beginning it caused problems, but I fooled him in to thinking I’d done it by accident when I set up the new phone and I haven’t worked out how to change it yet.
💕💕

[teabag]

I found these when clearing out my documents. I do remember writing them but with all that’s happened I had just forgotten them. Reading them set me off. The realisation of it all was like a truck hitting me. A number of texts are missing and I can only think he deleted them.

[Doris]

The texts that went missing on my phone along with the contact details were from (detail removed by moderator) who was the first person to challenge my husband over his behaviour and set him off on a real outrage bender spanning the last (detail removed by moderator)! He just cannot get over the fact that she dared to call him out and as she and others have gone ‘no contact’ your’s truly gets the blame. But maybe I deleted them myself because I am mad after all. X

[Doris]

IWMB – I’d forget yet another password but he would easily accept I did not know how to reset the phone because I am stupid as well as mad;0) X

[Author]

Posts