Orders

[Cecile]

Does anyone know if it’s possible to apply for maintenance during divorce proceedings?

[KIP.]

Absolutely. Your solicitor should be advising you of what you’re entitled to and what you can claim off him. Whether he will pay you anything is another matter but if he owes you maintenance and won’t pay then you could offset it against marital assets.

[Cecile]

My solicitor is not very good. I did put this to her and she did not really say anything. He allows me to have money from a “shared pot left over from the sale of our old home. I am not allowed access to it.

[KIP.]

Half of that is yous and it’s not upto him to hand you some when he feels like it. Is it in a joint account? Has he declared his marital assets. Bank accounts, etc. It should have all gone into a marital pot then divided lawfully. When you say you’re not allowed access? Does your solicitor know this? That’s financial abuse. I’d thinks about changing solicitor. You can get initial meetings free of charge so I’d visit a few solicitors until you get one you like. If the account is in joint names then I’d take my passport to the bank and remove the lot. Then let him claim his half in the divorce. It’s all about keeping control of you using finances and your solicitor should recognise this. My ex emptied the joint account then froze it. Cancelled all our direct debits out of spite. Expect the unexpected x

[Cecile]

I don’t know where the money is. He has a large pension and monthly spends about a fifth of it. He doesn’t share it with me. The joint sum is spread across different accounts he has told me but I have not seen them. He said he bought premium bonds as well (in his name only and without my knowing that he was doing this to our money). I have a little voice in my head telling me to go to the police. About this and all the rest. I am beyond despair tbh as I put so much energy and trust into the divorce proceedings and the petition was filed (removed by moderator)and the court delays mean there has not been a response yet.

[KIP.]

Please don’t rely totally on the divorce process. My ex hid tens of thousands and then denied it. Lied all they way and the courts rely on proof. The process is great if you have two honourable fair people but abusers are entitled liars and feel they owe you nothing. Can you do some detective work yourself and get bank account statements, and anything else you can think of. Try to text or email him so you have proof of him lying. Does he know the divorce petition is coming? If not, make sure you have all your ducks in a row first. Including a solicitor you trust.

[KIP.]

Was thinking. My ex had a large pension and I got it offset against the house meaning I walked away with the family home and he kept his pension. That too could be a huge bargaining tool for you. He will have to have his pension valued for the marital pot.

[Anonymous]

Hi Cecile

Have you completed form E yet, the declaration of finances? This can’t be filed until after the decree nisi has been granted but your solicitor I would have thought would be asking you to collate data for it by now. This is a legal form used in any court hearing. But as KIP points out men can lie and not disclose all their incomes or assets. Given you think your partner is lying and hiding assets then I would let your solicitor know this if you haven’t already. She can chase his solicitor for further information or perhaps ask for pension statements from the past year to show what he’s doing with the funds. Some firms also employ a forensic accountant who can track down these ‘missing’ funds. When deciding how the finances are divided the pension pot is considered separately from the house, assets/investments and other income. If your partner wants to keep all his pension (mine certainly does in our divorce) then they need to give you something of equal value in exchange. Is your solicitor up to speed with all aspects of DV as I think some are more aware than others of how insidious things can be. It sounds like she is not batting 100% on your behalf, and I would look for another solicitor if you can though I appreciate this would be emotionally draining during what is already a stressful period.

[Cecile]

Thanks for the advice. The main drawback is just slow procedures. Like waiting for pension statements etc. I think it will be ok in the long run, I just panic and get really anxious about it all. It seems overwhelming. I am sure everyone understands this.

[snowbunting]

I understand that Cecile, are you going to have financial mediation as well as your solicitor? They should prepare a report so that you can check his disclosed finances. And possibly ask for an actuary to be jointly appointed too, if his pension is a large amount. They investigate pensions and investments. I understand that a court can force an actuary should it be needed. The mediators are supposed to be a cheaper way than solicitors in the first instance. My ex has so far refused an actuary, so I know he is both hiding money and spending it on extravagant holidays.
I understood the pot is the whole amount including the pensions and the house and they should be considered together. So that a proportion of the house or the whole house can be offset against each other. I am not sure how domestic abuse is taken into account by the courts with divorce, once at the courts as I have been told they will just want to see that the divisions are fair to both parties. Although the proceedings are slow, it may be giving you time to start rebuilding your life in the meantime. Somedays I am really overwhelmed by anxiety too. Its a really tough time. x*x

[Cecile]

thank you so much. hearing that others are in. the same situation or have been through it and come out the other side is so wonderful and comforting. its just every thing is so glacially slow and complex!

I know lots of people are worse off than me so sorry for whingeing.

[Author]

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