Other man

[Millionpieces]

Dear all,
It has been (detail removed by moderator) I have been abused and cheated, it hurt so bad and I feel so hard to accept other man, I can not even flirt!!
I have new male friend, we just click, we have so much in common. We like to cook, BBQ, he has social life and so do I. Our friend notice that he like me and he behaving very different since we know each other. He knows my past from our mutual friend but I never tell him. I don’t know how much he knows about me but I do feel he treat me very special, very gentle. One day he gave me flower (roses) he put it in a vase while I was in the garden and he was in the kitchen. Then when he asks me to come to the kitchen and told me that the flower is for me without hand it over. I don’t even know how he feel about me, we don’t talk about our personal life. He used to ask me but I rejected him (I am very good at rejecting help, compliments and other good stuff ☹️)he stops. I know I am not ready for relationships I think he knows that. But I really enjoy his companion and I don’t know what to do. He just like fill those gap since I broke up but I don’t want to have feeling more, I know I am not ready to love not at all. And I don’t know how he feels about me either. What to do, I am helpless. honestly I don’t want to hurt him and my self.
Any suggestions, ladies?

[Suntree]

Let go of the worry. If you like being in each others company as it is now then enjoy it.
He is a grown man and he sounds as though he knows the score.
He is also very capable of working out if he wants to be around you or not or if he is taking a risk for himself and his feelings might get hurt.

My advice stop worrying and start enjoying. Live in the present.

[Millionpieces]

Thank you for your advice suntree but I am so scared, honestly I am terrified of my life with my ex. I’m so scared being hurt again, and I’m too scared to even like him. I used to called I’m sick in my head, I’m crazy, all still echoing in my head, may be its true.
One side I want to but on the other side I don’t want too, but scared if I end up hurt. I am too scared to love again. So scared, what to love about me.

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi million pieces, maybe you could enjoy a companionable, nonsexual friendship or even relationship. You are free now to choose how much to give or not. You can give as much or as little of your emotion or body as you feel safe to. He can either enjoy that and respect it or choose not to. His feelings are not your responsibility and you have a right to decide your own boundaries. It sounds as though you are afraid to trust yourself, you still feel helpless. I feel this way too. Stay safe whatever you decide xx

[Millionpieces]

Hi Peacefulpig,
Thank you.
Yes that is what happen now but it’s just I’m too scared if I lose him as friend too as our mutual friend teasing us and I realise I have been pushing him away too. You were right I don’t trust my self, I have low self esteem.. I was living with my ex, since I live in this country and I feel so lost sometimes..I use to look after him, cook, prepare his lunch, do his laundry and now I live on my own, it is so hard.

[Tuppance]

Does your mutual friend know about your past? If so could you not have a quiet word and explain how hard it is when he/she seems to teasing? That you value your friendship with this man but that is all you feel capable of being at the moment, whilst you heal? Your friend should totally respect your feelings and may even be able to help you by talking to this man on your behalf? This man, if he is destined to be in your present / future will be so but I appreciate you don’t want to lead him on in false hope of a deeper relationship when you are still mending. If he is meant for you he will understand and should therefore be prepared to take your lead, in your own sweet time. Xx

[Millionpieces]

Hi Tuppance,
Thank you for your advice. Yes I always mention to our mutual friends how I feel. Obviously they see that I changed his behaviour since I came into his life, and I explained it to them how exactly how I feel about man, about I am not ready to be in other relationship. Seems he understands and backing off and he changed the way he giving me attention. It’s just confusing how I feel about all this things. One side I wanted all the attention but I don’t want to expect more it’s going to break me again. I want his companion but I don’t want to be afraid of loosing him. At the moment all I do is just trying to clear my head, I wanted to see it clearly. And get my self focus back on ME.

[KIP.]

Hi there, WA told me to give it two years before dating and I completely agree. Even now I still have issues. I think you will know when it’s time. When you’re relaxed in yourself. Not triggered by male company. I tried dating too soon. It just felt wrong. I felt I wasn’t myself. I was still trying to please and keep the peace. Looking back I know how very vulnerable I still was. Concentrate on yourself. Your confidence and your self esteem and the rest will follow X

[Millionpieces]

Hi KIP

Thank you, that give me hope that one day I can be normal again. I am so looking forward to it. 2 years? I am on. X

MP

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