Out but not free

[livingonaprayer]

I’m in my new place. My first night. It has been a long road. I’m exhausted and have had to rent somewhere as i needed my own space. Its quiet here. My son will be with me as soon as i have a bed and his things ready. I want him to feel comfortable as it’ll be a massive change for him. I cant go no contact with my ex has there are still things to sort out with other house but one minute he is ok the next he’s blaiming me for leaving him in a mess and just thinking about myself. I just want to be free with my son and live a calm life but it doesnt look like thats gonna happen soon. I want to enjoy my new place and feel happy but theres still that connection i cant break. He still feels i owe him. I shouldnt moan as i am trying to move on but i’m hoping it’ll settle down. Thanks for reading. Needed to vent!

[livingonaprayer]

Ps he’s also making things difficult. I think he resents the fact that i’ve finally moved out. He’s trying to scare me and unsettle me.he likes to see me squirm. X

[KIP.]

Hi there. I hate to say it but as long as you have contact with him, he’s going to use that contact to abuse you. My advice would be to contact a solicitor and get access and finances etc sorted through the courts. These men do not have a reasonable side unless they are getting what they want. The more he sees you moving on with your life, the worse his behaviour is going to get. At least you have some breathing space and can close the door and be safe. I hope your son comes to you soon. Please be careful as these men are most dangerous when we try to escape from them. Well done for taking such a huge step. Contact your local women’s aid for help. They have access to other agencies that may be able to help you. Free legal advice from Rights for women etc. Stay strong x

[Anabela]

I just want to send you hugs. Well done for moving out and congratulations on getting a place!! I am still not quite there yet (I live on my own but have not managed to quit the relationship), and every story of women getting out and regaining their freedom gives me hope and strength.

[EeyoreNoMore]

I agree with KIP. Get your little one with you IMMEDIATELY, shut the door and stay safe.

Honestly, separation is the most dangerous time so please be careful, physically and emotionally. You’ll be amazed the depths these sad excuses for humans will sink to in order to upset you and obtain their emotional fuel.

Stay safe.

[livingonaprayer]

Thankyou. I’ve just had a video chat with a friend. Which i could never do in the old house. I was always very careful who i spoke to cos he wants to be involved in every aspect of whats going on. Obviously we have our son but as soon as things are sorted i can cut contact. Dont get me wrong its took a long time and begging for help to get out. But things just got to the point where i could not be in that house. One minute supportive the next making everything so difficult! You can do it! It takes time and alot of blocking out what they say to try to make you feel bad or manipulate you but be strong! I’m still trying but talking to people (whether he likes it or not!) definately helps!!i have a womens aid worker she’s been great! I advice contacting them. X

[Confused123]

well done for getitng out, i agree with ladies, get your son quickly and then breaak all contact, try and keep some control and dont let him have too much information or nom access to your new place, keep your keys safe with u , my ex picked mine up and made a copy . good on u for watching a movie with your friend and chatting to people , he doesnt need to know who u are chatting with

[livingonaprayer]

I introduced my son to my new home on (detail removed by Moderator). Since then he has stayed (detail removed by Moderator) times and seems happy. I’m still struggling to make the detachment from my ex. He had to come up to my new place and insisted on helping m e with something. I had friends coming over and gave a little hint, he wasnt happy. I said sorry but have since had messages about how he’s not surprised at how i act now. I dont want my Home full of negativity! I want it peaceful. My son is setting well but theres always this fears my ex will make it difficult. We’ve got on better the last wk and he seems to be accepted this but he still has his moments. I know it takes time but i’m in my new home and still feel like i shouldnt be happy!

[Nova]

Hiya, glad to hear you have your new home and your son is with you! That’s so positive, time to move forward with your lives!
Your future is ahead not behind you.

As the other ladies have said Saftey is your priority, your not in that toxic relationship any longer, what you do, how you live, is not any of his business.
His opinions are of zero significance. New life ahead for you and your boy.
Safety at all times before any one else.

Hugs C X

[Peaceful Pig]

Well done for getting free and helping your son to settle in. It’s a massive step forward. It will take time for the ingrained messages and beliefs to fade, such as not feeling you have a right to be happy but you do. I hope you are able to stop contact with your ex so you no longer have to hear his negative, toxic words. Now is the time to set your boundaries in your own private safe space. You get to decide if he comes in or not and you have every right to say no. Start as you mean to go on. You and your son deserve to live in a safe happy home. You have control now xx

[Dragonfly]

I hope you have your son. As was previously said keep your keys safe. Double lock your door even when you’re in. My ex broke in several times. Don’t under estimate them. Locking doors and windows isn’t about baracading yourself in, it’s about being as safe as possible. I wish you well

[Lyng]

I don’t know how you feel about dogs, but I got a big one. My ex is deathly afraid of him and my kids adore him. Because I have to have limited exposure to him due to his access with the kids, I bring my dog to pick up or drop off the kids. My home is always protected, and my children are safe with a dog they adore. He is my security blanket. I take him running with me too. A couple times the ex tried to say the kids were in danger with the dog. But the kids love the dog so he knew he couldn’t win that battle without alienating them. I know it’s hard, especially when you have kids. If at all possible the only contact should be formal and strictly to do with your son. Some people have a third party handle visit trade offs so you are not directly involved with your ex. Congrats on starting your new life. Stay strong.

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