Over emotional

[Coffeequeen]

Hi new here, I have been with my now ex husband for a long time. We had  kids and married, spent basically all my early adult lif with him. He was so sweet until we moved in together then he became quite snappy and rude but he was “only joking”. It took me years to realise how I was being treated really wasn’t ok. Not only was he emotionally coercive to me it was to the kids too. We recently got a pup, he became intense about the pup being a pup and kicked it. I finally got myself out of this relationship and I find myself going mad. The (timeframe removed by Moderator) he begged for me back the (timeframe removed by Moderator) he told me I was abusive, toxic and a n********t, came to the house for the “kids” and sexually assaulted me. After I told him what he did wasn’t ok and the words as it was happening made me really uneasy, he said I clearly wanted it and all on me again. By (timeframe removed by Moderator) he moved onto a new relationship and is now telling everyone including my kids how im a liar and mental. His new relationship is with someone I was friends with (detail removed by Moderator). I’ve been letting my emotions get the worst of me and had an outburst to some friends at the school run and now he’s saying how im spreading Stuff about them all over school. I hate them both so much and I feel like I’m constantly spiralling. How do I deal with the emotions? I told him about how I want boundaries from him and to keep her from my kids for a least a few months but because they do (detail removed by Moderator) that doesn’t happen and she keeps giving my kids gifts. I’m trying so hard to be nice and positive but I can’t cope.

[Marmalade]

Hi Coffeequeen I’m sorry you are in such an awful situation. It’s really hard to deal with all the upset and it’s understandable that you are having emotional outbursts.

Would it be worth going to your gp to see if there is any counselling available? Bloom also offer online counselling.

On a practical level, take a deep breath. Being over emotional plays right into his hands. He can use it to further his narrative that you are unstable. Also it will play to his ego if he thinks you are upset about his new relationship and can use it to paint you as jealous. The best thing you can do by far is try to ignore his new relationship as then he won’t have any satisfaction and you keep your dignity. I know how hard this can be.

Also the really hard thing is that when a parent has contact, the other parent has no control over who the children see. If there is an obvious danger, like contact with a dangerous person/paedophile then yes it’s reasonable to object , but otherwise there’s no way of restricting who the children see.
Good luck with everything.

[Author]

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