Overwhelmed

[Magnoliaflower]

Feeling completely overwhelmed.

(legal detail removed by Moderator)

He has agreed to sell the house but still waiting replies on the finer points.

(legal detail removed by Moderator)

my son with grandparents (timeframe removed by Moderator), good to get him away from situation, he is not our son – thankfully. His dad is understanding.

but I am a rollercoaster of emotion, anger, sad, overwhelmed, scared, nervous. Struggling to sleep and then think what would I do if he came for me – cry because he’s there and I’m scared, or because oddly without making any sense I miss him. I miss his cuddles and softer words. But then I remember the threats, constant comments, putdowns and constant living on the edge.

I feel excited for the future,  but also completely overwhelmed and fearful of a life without him… but why do I feel like this because he told me I wouldn’t survive without him… I know I will but I miss him.

I feel like I’m losing my mind – he always said I was crazy

[Lisa]

Hi Magnoliaflower,

It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re dealing with a lot right now while also processing what he’s put you through. The feeling of being scared of him but missing him, the rollercoaster of emotions, that is completely normal for your situation. You are not alone in this and it doesn’t mean that you’re losing your mind. Often in domestic abuse, the abuser is the one hurting you but they’re also the one giving you comfort. That’s really confusing both emotionally and physically and it’s part of what makes it so hard to leave. Saying you wouldn’t survive without him was a fear tactic to try and stop you from breaking free. You survived his abuse but you can thrive away from it.

Hopefully some of the other women will be able to reply and share their experiences with you soon, but you might find it helpful to read through some other posts here to see how very often abusers use the same kinds of tactics and women end up feeling the same things because of them. You might also find the resources on the Bloom website helpful. They were designed in partnership between mental health professionals and survivors and focus on recovery from trauma, including the trauma of abusive relationships.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Cherries]

I get this…but if they were nasty all the time we’d never stay would we. The abusive side is more honest I think than the comforting kind side.

This is something I battled with my first and I’m battling now. The ‘what ifs’.

I think in truth we have a lot of healing our self esteem to do, if on some level we believe we need someone who destroyed us.

Change is hard. Even good change…and we’re messy humans where good and bad emotions can exist in the same space. Safety of the known is often preferable to an unknown leap…so we cling to what was for fear of what we don’t know.

If my past experience is anything to go by once you start paving your way and gaining confidence this WILL settle…and every time he acts with poison, and you see it, your resolve will strengthen. Be safe x

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