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I’ve cried a river today. My eyes are so swollen I can barely see, my head is pounding. Just when I think things are as worse as they are going to get, they get worse.
He still has control over me because he knows his actions make me like this!
So why can nobody else see? He’s obviously denying everything and has pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes! (The important ones anyway eg courts cafcass etc) I’m just being made out to be a complete liar and psycho. No one believes a word I say.
Sometimes I wonder why i bothered with all this. Was it really worth the hassle. I should of just stayed quiet and in his good books, then maybe I wouldn’t be punished like this and the girls would be safe because I would be right there with them when they were with him.
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Jelly Bean,
I am in your situation.
Though some people who know him can see him for who he is, he pulled the wool over Cafcass’ eyes and hoodwinked the courts.
What makes me mad is when people say ‘Oh, time heals’ and ‘maybe he has a good relationship with the children now’ and even ‘are you envious of the relationship he has with them now’ as if my concern is out of some kind of envy.
All I ever wanted was my ex to love his kids. I never badmouth him to them. However, I know what he is capable of. He is so covert and clever. I truly believe he tried to get my eldest to kill himself last year by putting the idea of suicide in his head.
If I told most people, they would think I was crackers or was bitter. But I know him. I know who he is.
These so called professionals are blind and are are chained to a remit. They don’t take each case on Its merits. They are grossly lacking and politically geared.
For what it’s worth, Jelly Bean, I fully believe you. I share your pain. But together, our knowledge and understanding of our abusers can save our kids.
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Ditto jellybean, going through court last year was hellish and I was treated appallingly by the social worker who did the section 7 report. She undid months of hard work by women’s aid and the police who finally persuaded me to stop minimising. She was totally taken in by my ex. You, and anyone else who matters, know the truth. Hold tight to that and believe in yourself. You are fighting for an opportunity to give your children the experience of an abuse-free home and to be a role model by saying no to his treatment of you all. They will be proud one day. Don’t lose hope x*x
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Same for me with social services branding me as suffering mental health issues, while my husband is the saviour.
I remember a lady I met at the refuge who was judged as “mental”. She had the right answer by saying she was more mental with him than without him! That made me laugh! Yet when I spoke to her, she was so lovely. She had been hurt so much, and physically abused, anal rape, strangled several times, broken nose several times too etc. How do you stay sane and calm in a situation like hers…?
When are these agencies going to speak to each other with an equal level of understanding of domestic abuse/violence and its implications on families and children?
If in decades of life with my husband I couldn’t recognize my situation and brand it as “abuse”, and consequently understand the implications for my children, how can agency employees necessarily understand the emotional and physical impact it has, without being fooled by abusers who charm their way out, if they themselves have never experienced it? Half the time, don’t we often say that in order to understand a situation you have to have lived it?
I personally believe most of these people are either abusive themselves or have no real clue, nor the intelligence to assess each person involved with a clear open eye and ear. As in every profession, there are experts, professionals and incompetent idiots, and that’s at every level! -
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