Panic attacks

[iliketea]

Hi, me again, I haven’t been able to get out today and get any exercise and my heart is racing. He’s being really horrible, silent treatment most of the time then really mean and critical if I give him a c***k. I’ve been doing grey rock and not speaking or looking at him unless he talks to me, it seems to be really winding him up. I feel like I’m having a low level ongoing panic attack even though I’m on anti-depressants. Is that even a thing a non-stop panic attack? I have got anti anxiety meds but didnt like the effect when I tried them a few weeks ago. Can anyone give me any tips on trying to calm down and stop my heart racing. Are there any apps? Or any quick tips. I know yoga would help but Im on 24/7 childcare so won’t get a chance to try that until this evening and then Im so exhausted.

His behaviour is escalating and I know Im going to have to somehow get out of this situation very very soon. Its also making panic I think as I cant think how to get out of the house with kids without him knowing. Basically I think Im scared, really really scared. And I think I’ve only just realised how serious the situation I am in is, and how scary it is, and I can’t believe I did this to my children and ever ended up with this person, and I’m so sorry they are their dad.
Sorry, another moan. Thank you for reading. Hope you’re all ok. xx

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes there are such things as on going panic attacks, I’ve experienced them during my last weeks with him. They expedited my exit plan i basically stopped planning at that point and took my children and left. My flight response took over. I had one window of opportunity and took it when he left for work. During the escape and afterwards I remained unbelievably calm and focused like never before in my life. Panic attacks didn’t come back until a couple of years later when nightmares started to catch up with me.

For right this minute, take your children and go for a very long walk, to a park, doesn’t matter where, go outside, the panic attacks won’t stop but at least you’re connected to the nature and out of his immediate reach.
Also time them. Mine lasted two full hours then just ‘normal’ anxiety set in.

Contact WA and make an exit plan. These panic attacks don’t go away on their own, it’s your body sounding danger alarm. Pls follow their advice, you can’t think straight on your own when panic sets in, reach out for help and write down the steps to take, this will help calm you down somewhat.

Another thing that helped me is to observe him e.g. when he was screaming at me, i named his outburst ‘you seem to be angry’ His anger suddenly disappeared, taking out the entire air in his made up bubble of anger.

Sending you strength, breathe darling. Breathe deeply in and out.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi, no breathing space makes life even more unbearable. Nonstop anxiety/panicking, yes it is a thing. Could you ask about getting another antidepressant, might take a few gos to find one that’s okay. I’ve heard that the side effects stop after a while but if you couldnt bear them definitely try another one. Nothing apart from taking yourself out of the situation usually helps.
💞💞

[KillingMeSlowly]

I identify so much with what you said about the panic and also this bit:

I can’t believe I did this to my children and ever ended up with this person, and I’m so sorry they are their dad.

One of my friends, who is somewhat aware of my situation and has provided me with refuge and a listening ear in the past, had me crying once to her about it as I felt so guilty that this person is the father of my child. I feel like I picked so badly and in hindsight ignored a lot of red flags… but then I also can’t imagine not having my beautiful child and he helped make them… so confusing.

I think that Covid-19 has really made the reality of our situations much clearer and this is extremely anxiety inducing. I know that I have felt so trapped because I am not even able to connect with my friends or family for respite or to know that they are keeping an eye on me. Normally my friends are checking in on me and even helping to rescue me out of the house at times as they give me an excuse to go places and so on. Now I am not even able to talk to them on the phone or properly on text… just the odd message here and then when it is safe… but no actual chat.

There are a couple of apps that are good for anxiety. Calm and Headspace. You might want to look at them. Calm is meant to be good for insomnia as well.

[iliketea]

HopeLifeJoy – thank you, really good tip that one, Im not saying it out loud as it makes him crazy but I have been observing and when he says Im angry first thing in the morning, seeing that it really is him as all Ive been doing is messing around with the children, dancing around and singing….that isn’t an angry person! But when someone is constantly telling you something its like brainwashing, it starts to seep in under your skin. Its horrible. Im reading a book about surviving in a n**i concentration camp – its extreme but a lot of the tactics are very similar. Transference and bringing you down. Changing the reality. Trying to demean constantly.
IWMB – yes, I know, and ultimately that’s going to be it, I can’t wait for that day.
Thank you KMS – totally relate to your name as well! Urgh. This is a nightmare isn’t it? Thank you for the app recommendations. Get that about friends too and chatting, I can’t do that either, its so isolating losing the small things that kept us going but also in a way its shone a massive reality spotlight and although its a complete nightmare, its made me resolved that its got to stop. Somehow.
xx

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