Panicking- will GP support me?

[Freedomfighter]

Sorry, having major panic attack. Can’t get through on helpline and no one else to talk to. I have to take a sample letter in to GP and ask them to write supporting letter for solicitor for legal aid. Problem is the lady GP I have been seeing isn’t there today, but the one my husband goes to is. In the past I know my husband has spoken to him about me. This GP spoke to me on my husband’s mobile saying he needed to see me the next day. My husband had been trying to coerce me into going back on antidepressant tablets and sleeping tablets again because I’m easier to control when I’m on them. I can’t think straight and constantly feel muddled and forget what I’m doing. I’d been refusing to go, even phoned up and cancelled appointments made for me. I couldn’t say no to GP. Now I’m in a panic that I have to tell him about the abuse will he even believe me?
I have overheard my husband telling people on the phone that he’s worried about me because I’m so depressed all I do is sit on the sofa reading or doing puzzles, that I won’t go anywhere or do anything. I can’t deny that I sit on the sofa reading, writing and doing puzzles, but it’s in between working my butt off doing homework until I’m in so much pain with the arthritis I have to sit and take a break. You all know how they twist things. I have no idea what my husband actually said to the GP, but he asked some odd questions when I had to go and see him offering me very strong painkillers, antidepressants and sleeping tablets. I refused saying I didn’t need them. My husband has been trying to convince me for well over a decade that I’m paranoid and delusional and I’m terrified he’s said something similar to this GP. The trouble is I need to extend my sick note today or I’ll be in trouble in work. Otherwise I could wait for the lady GP.
I’m literally shaking so much I’m having trouble writing this, keep pressing wrong buttons. Everyone’s still in bed. Can’t talk to my mum, because she gets upset when she finds out what he’s been up to or saying about me. I keep trying to convince myself it’ll be fine, he will believe me, but it’s not working. I feel sick with worry and my guts are knotted. I can hear him moving around upstairs. Better go now and wait in the car. Wish me luck

[duvetday]

hi Freedomfighter,
really sorry to hear this….sounds so stressful. You’d like to think this male gp wouldn’t have any bias towards what your husband might have said to him about you but abusive people can manipulate so easily, so maybe he has influenced the gp… All you can do is go and speak your truth and ask for the letter. If you feel uncomfortable in any way then just get your sick note and get the letter for legal aid from your other gp asap? Hope it goes ok and your anxiety subsides a bit. Anxiety and panic attacks are the worst 🙁 x

[fridges]

Hello, Freedomfighter,
How about to your husbands GP you will go just to extend your sick note, this will be sorted. And When your regular GP with whom you had conversation about abuse will do the letter for legal aid?
This way you keep separate two things, and will speak about abuse to the right person with whom you feel ok to share?
This can be a solution for today.
Most important for you to stay calm, when we are in a very upset condition like this, herd to take good decisions.

[Anonymous]

hi you are not paranoid or delusional you seem to know exactly what he is doing have faith in your own judgement there are people out there who will help you he sounds to me like a classic case of a gaslighter have you heard of the freedom programme? i got the books from amazon you may find there are groups near you. you need to stay focused and make an escape

[Dragonfly]

You do not have to see his GP. Make an emergency appointment with another one. The surgery cannot force you to see that one.

[Freedomfighter]

Thanks ladies, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back, husband at my side all day, but thanks so much for your support. The trouble was I had to disclose about abuse to the lady GP, so it’s on my notes. However it was all good in the end, there were 2 GPs in this morning and the receptionist put me in to see the other one thankfully. Never met him before and was in such a state about seeing my husbands GP he just read my notes, asked if I found the tablets I was on helpful. I told him not really I only take them at night if it’s really late and can’t sleep, because they make me so drowsy mixed with my painkillers. He put me on antidepressants, said he’ll have my letter done by (detail removed by Moderator) and put me off for a month. Never had such an easy doctors appointment. He was the kindest most supportive man I’ve ever met. So relieved I sat in my car and sobbed for 5 minutes after. Sat listening to music and trying to calm down . I’ve been on these tabs before and they helped, so fingers crossed. I’m so fed up with either weeping like a baby, shaking like a leaf and running around like a headless chicken not able to sit still or feel so exhausted and in so much pain I’m snapping and irritable. I just want to feel normal for awhile. I can’t think straight or get anything done with my head all over the place like this. It doesn’t help that he’s been home so much. I feel like he’s watching me. He asked loads of questions when I got home. Luckily I can just blame it on stress and work so I don’t have to lie, just leave out the divorce and abuse stuff. He’s gone to sleep now and I feel like I can breathe again. This new doctor was a godsend, the lady doc is pretty scary and very abrupt, no nonsense sort of person. I had a really lucky break today which I’m so grateful for. And all your posts and support has been amazing, thanks. 85% of the time I know I’m not paranoid or delusional, but then I get times like this morning when I listen to myself and think wow! Anyone listening to you would think you have completely lost the plot! I sound paranoid to myself. I try to shove them out of my head, but they never really go, just linger in a dark corner until the next panic attack. I guess I just need to build up my confidence again. It’s taken a bit of a bashing lately. Thanks, it really helps to know I can be believed here, that you understand and take the time and trouble to post back. You are life savers, keeping me sane in my crazy world ❤️

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