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    • #26380
      Liveinhope
      Participant

      Hi

      I am new to this site and would welcome some advice. I left an abusive relationship with the father of my three teenage children (detail removed by Moderator) since. We agreed to share care. I left the family home because he refused to move out and he said that I was an unfit mother to have them full time and he broke me down so much I believed it too. I had to get a full time job to set up a new home for the kids to stay and furnished everything in it which left me in further debt. I left with the clothes on my back. We rented out house so when I left he was served with a notice to leave. I was scared that the kids would lose their home so I temporarily transferred all benefits to him until we mediated. He went straight to Csa to abuse me further financially. I was trapped in a job to keep my house etc afloat. However I couldn’t see my children consistently and hence he stopped me seeing them and said I had to go to court. I eventually got to(detail removed by Moderator) and met a wonderful man whom I’m still with. When money got so bad he offered to put me up and I’m in a stable, happy relationship. Cafcass were involved and reading between the lines the kids were being brainwashed. They hated me, didn’t want to see me and thought I didn’t want shared care. Even free solicitors advice and Cafcass recommended that I forget about shared care. Cafcass said it could only be contact only because my relationship with kids was non-existent. I managed to get another job so I could do shared care although I now live (detail removed by Moderator) away from the area the kids reside with their father. When they discovered I was in a relationship their behaviour and response was awful. I have been bullied, and interrogated on the phone with my kids and now ignored and when I called they refuse to speak to me. I know their father is the alienator. (detail removed by Moderator) I have sent him numerous emails requesting nicely he works with me. He never replied. It was only recently he has replied to an email I sent (detail removed by Moderator) ago staying I was considering going back to court. I think he wants to be seen he is adhering to the order. I was too vulnerable to go mention DV in court initially. I didn’t know extent of it until now. I just wanted it over with and see my kids. Now I’ve lost them and I’m devastated. I fear for their long term emotional wellbeing but how do I persuade them to try a relationship with me? Their father said he will bring them to a meeting with me if I can get them to agree. I’m angry and upset that court and Cafcass did not recognise the alienation in the first place or if they did, act on it. It’s dispicable. I’m angry that Im being abused by him via the Csa (I was always going to pay for my kids!!). Due to lack of money, being left with debts and the fact I had to work to set up home for shared care was dismissed. I need help with strategies on persuading my kids to see me if only for an minute, I cannot go back to court yet, the kids would hate me more. I don’t day anything negative to them about their dad but if I did I would further lose them to parental alienation.

    • #26383
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Massive hugs!

      Speak to Rights of Women and see what they suggest.

      Did you have contact to your local Women’s Aid?

      You need someone who analyzes the entire situation with you from the start so that you can complain to the family court and all parties involved for discriminating you so badly.

      Do you have access to counselling? Struggling alone against the almighty patriarchy is hell. You need a lot of support to keep strong and fight.

      One thought about the abuser: he uses the kids to control you and to hurt you. The time will come when he cannot reach you anymore. Then he will turn against the kids. They have not yet seen his true face.
      Then they will remember you. x*x

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