Parenting and therapist

[Sook]

Hi all,
Hope everyone here is safe and gets support they need.

My child and I have been away from my ex for a long while now.
My child is still a baby, I had to leave everything behind but I had no choice for myself and my child to be safe – now I’m with my family.
It has been okay to raise my child, but I have been very depressed as it is not the situation I wanted at all. My ex had become verbally aggressive (no physical attacks) and showed his temper really quick even in front of my family. He wasn’t like that, till my child was born – and I still wonder if I was still with him if my family had not got involved… It wasn’t that I wanted to leave him, I feel like I was half forced to make quick decisions (in my “baby brain”) for “will I be safe with my baby without my family” (my family lives very far).
I am still in contact with my ex but there are two sides of me thinking I want to raise my child on my own (as he was selfish and stressful at many times), and my child will need a dad at some point.
I do not want my child to get bullied because we are apart… My ex still asks me to let him see my child. One side of me thinks it will be okay to meet some days. But the other of me thinks the worst such as kidnapping (I don’t think he wouldn’t hit my child as he adores my child, but who knows?).
Has anyone had experience with their kids like this ?
I used to love him so much, and sometimes even I miss him still or the time I was with him. Sometimes I feel like I could go back to where we were and re-start a new life, but always worse scenarios come up in my head.
And also I’ve been depressed not only because of my ex, but also because of my mum who thinks she raises my child up too – she’s been checking what I do to my child and it’s been too much. I do not want to be by my family either to be very honest. I just have to keep going my face down for my financial situation.
Maybe that’s why I want to re-start a new life with my ex. If anyone has their opinion I would appropriate it.

Ps if anyone knows therapist or professionals I could talk about this to on texts or remote (ideally), I would be pleased to know. Thank you for reading.

[minimeerkat]

i hope the women with children on the forum can help you with you with your thoughts & feelings concerning your child especially if they perhaps experienced something similar themselves

its whether you would consider contacting info@supportline.org.uk which has been recommended on the forum a lot in the past (they found me my counseller).  if you explain your situation & tell them what support you feel you need they will do their very best to help.  you dont need to be in a particular area as many counsellers do telephone or on-line appointments so hopefully this will work for you & you will be ok x

[Author]

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