This topic contains 23 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  freedomtochoose 4 minutes ago.

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  • #78320
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    so (detail removed by moderator) its parents evening – we have an order that consists of no contact – it has no specifications so he gets the report card and is allowed to show up at parents evening. my daughter has been told that the only option to avoid him is to lock herself in the girls toilets as the school cannot stop him coming up to her. why are these important things not outlined? its so hard for kids to recover from finally having no contact like she asked for. I feel like ive had to explain to her (detail removed by moderator) there is a small risk, I wonder sometimes where does this end this worry and the egg shells/of course I would have to get the police. im not sure if its worth going back (detail removed by moderator) to get those specifics down on a legal document. a tool kit or tick box exercise is need when out lining these orders to prevent further trauma xx the bitter sting of the tail end of domestic abuse xx love diymum

  • #78321
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Can you not go to parents evening and ask to see her teachers on another day. Surely they can’t object to you coming after school when it’s safe to do so? He can turn up and speak to the teachers without her and you being there. It might be a good way to set a precedent in her school x

  • #78322
     KIP. 
    Participant

    It might also be a way of empowering her. Taking charge and showing the teachers how things can be x how introducing a new safe setting for other children in similar positions

  • #78323
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Whose bright idea was that?! I can’t actually believe an educated school teacher thought that was the way to go.

    Yeah I dread parents evening, usually he doesnt go; but has done on occassion. I always state on the return form to pease make sure our times are very different. I have no idea if they do this or if it’s just been luck I’ve not run into him.

    I’m sorry, but I would expect the schools full support when there is an order.

    Good idea of KIPs.

  • #78329
     Fudgecake 
    Participant

    I think KIP is right. You should be able to re-arrange your appointments so as to avoid any unpleasant situations.

  • #78332
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    thanks ladies we have separate days to go but my daughter is in afterschool club while im still at work so shes in the room adjacent to him. so my nights (detail removed by moderator) – i did let the afterschool club know and felt that my daughter need to be aware that the afterschool club would not be able to stop him coming up to her as this isnt stated on the order xx theyve more or less said they wouldnt be able to stop hin taking her if he tried – he couldnt do that in school as the restrictions were put in place after the homicides in dunblane. afterschool club cant do a thing xx i told her to go to the toilet and lock herself in, i also said to the afterschool club to call me and the police xx the trouble is i have a long journey home from work xx its fine tho shes home but it does feel like it is so ongoing xx thanks for all your support – the schools do need safety measures in place but they dont seem to, i was turned away from school during the contact issues. i was told were not taking sides! xx i was not happy xx much love diymum

  • #78333
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    you know reading that back it takes a child to be killed or hurt before they put signs up outside the school not allowing adults in until theyve seen a member of school staff first xx its a loop hole, an unavoidable one for me as i need to work xx

  • #78338
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Glad it’s over for another year. Maybe next year you could take some annual leave and pick her up early and do something special. You sound like you have a great bond. It’s such a shame a child has to even consider locking herself in a toilet. You’re right about waiting for a sad tragedy before they act x where is the common sense?

  • #78340
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    thanks KIP yes i need to be organised and next year a fews days of annual leave – i was thinking that too. its hard being so forward thinking and i get lax next thing i know its come round again. small price to pay i guess in the grand scheme of things xx it dosent make sense does it? i wish people would finally be educated on the dynamics of all of this – guess it is up to us xx i hope you are ok KIP 🙂 much love diymum x*x

  • #78388
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    I am surprised you school has been so backward in this. Having siwn them the order they simply needed to phone the police hen he turned up, as it is an attempt to have contact. It’s here school,clearly she’s going to be there so should be arrested for breakibg the order.

    It’s either allowed,or it isn’t, and ‘no contact’ clearly enough means just that,not ih apart from if he wants to go into her school!

    He’s a risk to all in there, and they have a duty to other children and staff too

    I would write to them and report his actions to the police. He should have to make separate arrangements to submit questions and receive responses separately (if he’s so desperate to support his daughter and concerned for her welfare,which the need for an order tells us he isn’t!).

    Report his abusive arse! and let the school know that you have this order in place so if he turns up police must be called.

    This is how it operates in schools for standard safeguarding. I would be very worried about a school that doesn’t take basic safeguarding steps.

    Glad it’s over for you for this year,but he might now feel he has established a precedent with the school and opened the gates to more abuse and contact.

    Stamp on it so it can’t be repeated. Put it in writing withh a copy of the order for them, even to the governor’s if the school don’t respond appropriately drawing their attention to basic safeguarding.

    We need to expect , and demand, better.

    Warmest wishes

    TS

  • #78396
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    contact was stopped because she couldnt cope with it and it was affecting her badly what she went through was one count of verbal abuse and mainly emotional. i was lucky they stopped it for her sake. i wonder sometimes if the order is so short literally one line! is this because this wasnt physical or sexual abuse? i sent the order into the school and got no reply. i should probably go back to the solicitor but this is really the only opportunity ever gets these days – im not even sure if he turned up and they wont tell me. guess its over now xx thanks TS for the reply love diymum

  • #78760
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    it is so rubbish that you have to deal with this, both of you.
    A few suggestions informed by my having been in a management position at a very good school…

    1. Whatever you send in writing – send it by recorded or special delivery (7 quid ish). That way it arrives with a big sticker on for a named person (the head) – and no one can say you didn’t tell them.
    would send the order again

    2. Put a copy in to the safeguarding lead…

    3.pput a date on the letter when you would like a resonse by (in writing)

    4. At the beginning of the letter state clearly that this unresolved situation is affecting your daughter’s education. Education is the key word and the priority. If your child is resident with you then you can google – this – you have the responsility for day to day decision making regarding your daughter’s education. Spell this out.

    5. State in the letter if appropriate and necessary action not taken and reply not received by said date – you will have no alternative but to sue the school and the head. I repeat, you will have no alternative but to sue the school and the head….

    6. You can also put the matter through the complaints procedure if not resolved asap.

    good luck
    ftc
    x

  • #78772
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    thanks ftc i will put that in writing – as one other time we have to deal with this is when theres a school show or assembly. they wont tell me what info he gets so that is an issue xx i will put this in writing and send it special delivery for sure thanks for the tips i will see what comes of this. to be honest i think the school see me as being over reactive already xx victim blaming and shaming again xx i really do feel that xx love diymum

  • #78775
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    love to you as well hon. I always think that the hypervigilance we have should not be called hypervigilance but simply love and care.

    Who knows what your gut instinct has picked up on.

    You are doing so well working etc. and you rely on after school club. they should be more supportive.

    It is a good idea to use the words ‘best practice’ with the school –
    something like
    we are all striving towards excellence and best practice in education (and also safeguarding).

    reminding them that they have a legal duty to listen to parents feelings and input and views perhaps also a good idea.

    I have somehow risen above the inference that I am ‘over reacting’. So many, many times a while after the event what I suspected as a risk, was actually proven to be a risk.

    so I would say to you, diy mum – you simply see further than others…which is a tough place sometimes to be, and a tough job, but someone has to do it, and you do it really well…

    more love
    ftc
    x

  • #78776
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    love to you as well hon. I always think that the hypervigilance we have should not be called hypervigilance but simply love and care.

    Who knows what your gut instinct has picked up on.

    You are doing so well working etc. and you rely on after school club. they should be more supportive.

    It is a good idea to use the words ‘best practice’ with the school –
    something like
    we are all striving towards excellence and best practice in education (and also safeguarding).

    reminding them that they have a legal duty to listen to parents feelings and input and views perhaps also a good idea.

    I have somehow risen above the inference that I am ‘over reacting’. So many, many times a while after the event what I suspected as a risk, was actually proven to be a risk.

    so I would say to you, diy mum – you simply see further than others…which is a tough place sometimes to be, and a tough job, but someone has to do it, and you do it really well…

    more love
    ftc
    x

  • #78778
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    😀 thanks

    youve made me cry that has really touched me xx i need to get in gear and stop being scared off what other people think x*x love diymum x

  • #78779
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    pen to paper i think 🙂 xx

  • #78792
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    well done hon. had a good bawl this morning myself. not a bad thing eh. does us good.
    ftc
    x

  • #78794
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Yes for sure💕

  • #78795
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    by the way that thing about suing, just because you are writing ‘you will have no alternative but to…
    doesn’t mean you actually have to do it. Just means they know that you know you could if you wanted…

    yes, I know guerrilla tactics. Needs must…
    ftc
    x

  • #78796
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Lol any tips much appreciated 😊xx

  • #78799
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    I am morphing into a bad a*s woman-mother. never thought I would get there.
    ftc
    x

  • #78806
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    You’ve proven yourself as being very strong xx☺the proof is in the pudding look how well your baby is doing you should be proud love diymum

  • #78820
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    and u love x

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