Pathetic

[Anonymous]

(Detail removed by moderator) days free. Waiting for the police to confirm that they have had the go ahead to charge him. Read about trauma bonding, “Living with the Dominator”, waiting for a place on the next Freedom Programme to come up. My head is so sorted with all this.

But my heart…… 🙁

I miss him so much. (detail removed by moderator) he can’t contact me. I just wish he’d call me anyway and beg me to let him home. And I would, you know.

It hurts so much.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Landy, you’re doing so well, I’m very very proud of you. I know we’re all just made up names to each other, but it’s only here that we can truly be open and honest. Probably the first time in a long time😏
Of course you’re hurting, feelings don’t just get turned off, that takes time too. Doesn’t matter what they’ve done, we’d be more than happy to take them back, because of hope. Unfortunately hope with an abuser doesn’t exist😪
Jyst take it one day at a time, don’t be so hard on yourself, remember the Loss of any relationship is like a bereavement. It takes everyone different ways and time to grieve.

IWMB 💕💕

[KIP.]

I felt exactly the same. You need to ride out these feelings of withdrawal. Try to distract yourself with mindfulness. I thought of the bail conditions as mine too. Him breaching bail conditions is illegal. Try to think the same way. It’s out of your hands now. Yes it’s painful but deep down ask yourself what would really change if you took him back. A temporary relief from the hurt but the abuse would come back worse next time. Younwould just be prolonging the agony of having to go through withdrawal again. Even if he did apologise, he wouldn’t mean it. It would be a ploy to reel you back in for his own selfish gains. Do you really want someone that low in your life. You deserve so much more x

[KIP.]

Just wanted to remind you that it’s the fake him that you miss. The real him you have seen. That’s why the police had to step in to protect you. Keep taking baby steps x

[diymum@1]

Hi there,
Keep going you can do it:) im reading about trauma and healing it says these feelings come in waves. TRy to tell yourself when the worst of these feelings surge up that this will pass. Remind yourself in time things will ease and eventually will get better. Apparently we go from victim to surviver to thriving. Hold on to that though when it gets tough. Were all here to listen and weve walked in your shoes. we understand exactly what your going through xx be kind to yourself luv duy mum xx

[diymum@1]

sorry for typos im putting this down to a long day at the office lol xx

[KIP.]

The trauma healing reminds me of the cycle of abuse. The waves you describe I think of as a cycle. I can be quite giddy with my freedom, then I begin to get anxious and weepy and scared and my sleep suffers and I don’t know why, I can’t put my finger on what’s going wrong. then I have a meltdown, disassociated state, out of body feelings, not wanting to go out or socialise. I pull myself together and Round we go again. The good thing is the giddy feeling gets longer and the gap between the meltdown gets longer too. We have to learn our own ways of coping and combine that with good therapy.

[Anabela]

In this situation the best thing is that police is involved, he is not allowed to contact you and he is gonna be charged.
When i (detail removed by moderator) got a restraining order i knew it was as much for me as it is for him. Without that i would have kept coming back to him again and again and again.
I know you miss him because of course he had a mask that you fell in love with. But with total no contact you will move on, I promise. xx

[Anonymous]

My head knows you are all absolutely right.

But my heart…. 🙁

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Landy – I am / was in a similar position. Trust that your heart will catch up with your head ❤. It’s so much to process. Give yourself time to grieve (I see it as a loss of an imaginary man, the dream and reality world s apart) and begin to come to terms with trauma associated. Self care is so important at this time and moderation (I started to obsessively think, keeping busy and mindfulness has helped). I have found great support from the wonderful ladies on the forum, women’s aid and the helpline.

[Anabela]

Landy, I wrote you a private message. I sent you a link of this amazing psychologist on youtube that I used to watch a lot at a time of separation. And I still watch her videos now when I feel I need some positivity boost. She is absolutely amazing and just listening to her makes me feel happier and better. And she has done loads of videos on abuse, on missing the abuser, healing, self-esteem etc. Maybe you will find her useful as well.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Anabela.

And to everyone who has answered on my posts. Sorry I’m so needy right now, but you know, I could never have done this without you all and I still have so far to go.

[Author]

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