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    • #132283
      iliketea
      Participant

      Hi, might be a weird question but my pet has been attacking males but no females Children and adults. Ive seen it in my children and just thought it was Covid and lockdown and general frustration at not having me to himself, but he also attacked a male friend recently who came round but hasn’t ever done it to any of my female friends. Its been happening since my ex left, and getting worse. Anyone had similar? When noone is here he is very content and happy with just me. Not sure what to do. I do separate them and keep everyone safe but long term thinking its going to be a strange way to live. The vet seemed to think it was probably related to ex’s behaviour towards me in the house and so he’s now protecting me from any males – adults and children!!

    • #132284
      KIP.
      Participant

      My dog hated men. It came from being abused by my ex. It was so sad because he would wet himself when my ex came into the house but he could be very aggressive with adult males, he loved kids though. Luckily there weren’t many adult males coming in the house but of everything my ex did to me, abusing my pet is the worst.

    • #132285
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Definitely a learnt behaviour but you should, with patience be able to untrained it in them. He’s taking on the role of protector, you’ll need to show him you’re ok and praise him for being calm (I.e. not attacking). Dogs are so smart and loyal.

    • #132286
      Darcy
      Participant

      Hi beautiful angel… iliketea,
      I think both the vet and KIP are right … this stems from your ex’s behaviour
      Animals are very intuitive and your pet would have absorbed a lot more of the negative energy around your ex and what abuse was going on than you would even know
      Until your pet has a positive male energy around them they will continue to react this way
      You could try positive reinforcement when you have a male friend round … for example get your male friend to arrive with some treats, when your pet knows he’s a good energy with treats over time their behaviour will hopefully improve
      My dog was my angel when I was with my ex… and I would say to my ex … (detail removed by moderator) as I knew animals feel things too
      After my ex and I split up my dog died only (detail removed by moderator) later of what I believe to be the stress of what I had put him through living in that house, not to mention all the smoke my ex produced filling my little dogs lungs … he was only (detail removed by moderator) which for his bread is not old at all
      Protect your animals like you would your children… they are the best friends you will ever have. Look at it from their point of view and they cant even understand things like we do …they want a quiet safe home.
      They go on intention so as long as the intention is good & genuine they will pick up on this
      I hope things get better for you and your pet my darling
      Sending you continued love and support
      Darcy xx

    • #132287
      iliketea
      Participant

      Thanks, I should have said, he’s a cat, but a very switched one… but he is quite like a dog. Has anyone else had this with a male cat? Thats really good advice with the treats, I’ll try that. Thank you x*x

      • #132298
        Darcy
        Participant

        Cats especially need to know they have a nice safe quiet home otherwise they will literally find a new home – my sisters cats moved out for (detail removed by moderator) and the house became busy!
        They are as tuned in as any other animal
        Reassure him that he is welcome in your house. Maybe create a safe space just for him out of they way of walk ways tucked away in a corner. They like to be in things … even like a cardboard box with a soft blanket in .. you could also put in some treats, cat nip or toys. Think what you would like if you were a little animal in a big house!
        I hope he settles soon xx

    • #132291
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Iliketea,

      My cat was aggressive when I first got him. He was still a kitten and he was a bit of a rescue cat. His owners were giving him away because he was biting and attacking.

      So not quite the same scenario but I did pick up some tips on getting the aggression out.

      1. I got him neutered.
      2. I bought plug in diffusers. I tried Pet Remedy and Feliway. Pet remedy was the best but it smells like smelly feet. Beaphar now do them and they’re much more cost effective.
      3. Structured hunting play. Plan in playtime with your cat to wear him out. Choose regular times so that your cat gets into a routine. If it feels safe get your son to play using a long fishing rod toy so that your cat begins to bond with him. That way he’ll have a positive experience of males.
      4. If he attacks, everyone quietly leaves the room, leaving the cat alone. This is the hardest bit of the strategy to maintain. At the end of a long day, you pour yourself a glass of wine, sit down infront of your favourite TV show, your cat attacks someone and you all have to shift yourselves and leave quietly. 🤬🤬🤬
      5. If your cat is in the same room as a male and doesn’t attack, reward the cat with a cat treat.

      It can be quite a long process and can take a few months of sustained effort. You need to be patient and persistent. It’s worth it if it stops your cat attacking.

      Good luck.

      • #132303
        iliketea
        Participant

        @eggshells thank you! I love this site and all the women on it, I know I will always get sound and good advice and support! Amazing thank you. I have had the Feliway diffusers in the past so got the plug in bits already, Im so broke at the moment I can’t afford to get the inserts. I do have lots of catnip though so going to try the structured hunting play with the children. Haha, it makes me laugh a bit thinking of us all quietly leaving when he attacks, he’s going to feel terrible! I tried to do that with my ex and he did NOT like it at all!! But we’ll try it, good plan. Vet said we should see a pet behaviourist but again, its the cost, but hopefully we can start implementing these things and see if it helps. I will update. Thank you thank you thank you. x*x

    • #132319
      Eggshells
      Participant

      It might be worth putting a ‘Wanted’ ad’ on Freecycle and Freegal as someone may well have Feliway or Pet Remedy refills kicking around the house unused. No harm in asking.

      Also try the PDSA. If you’re on any benefits and there is a PDSA in your area you may well qualify for cheap veterinary care. They may have some Feliway that’s been donated. xx

    • #132323
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Oh goodness this hurts so much I had to leave my cat when we fled. BUT she moved herself out soon after! What a brave cat! Someone kind then rehomed her. Iliketea I think your cat will be just fine given some time now it is a safe and calm home.

    • #132466

      My dog was the same but after some time he has improved. He never attacked anyone but would growl if he felt uncomfortable or would wet himself in situations where my ex would usually shout at him. He still does it now sometimes, is uncomfortable around men at times and rarely leaves my side.

      It’s all about building trust and rewarding them in the right situations as best you can.

      It is very sad to see but hopefully with time it will get better for you xx

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