This topic contains 7 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Helphelphelp 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #114865
     Searchingforasunnyday 
    Participant

    Hi All,
    My husband will go off in a petty mood for next to no reason. Is this normal?

    So (detail removed by moderator) delivered to the house, ive been working from home for a while so no biggy getting parcels. He asked me to (detail removed by moderator) for him.

    Then when he comes home from work he says oh youve not set it up. Well you didnt ask me to. So he tries to do it but gets frustrated and keeps trying to ask me questions whilst im still trying to work. His continual frustration reaches tipping he asks me a further question and i replied i didnt know to which he told me to f*** off well i snapped and said you f*** off.

    He hasnt spoken to me since and i’ll likely be getting silent treatment for a week. He wont ear the food i cook for him when hes like this it goes to waste. If i dont cook he’ll text me and complain about it. He’ll just eat s***e (detail removed by moderator) but the it will all be my fault when his (detail removed by moderator).

    But then he’ll just snap out of it and be fine as if nothing every happened and im just supposed to be ok with that. I never get an apology. If i have the slightest go at him he tells me again to f*** off or go back to my parents.

    Sorry for the long rant ladies but just wanted to share my c**p week with you. X

  • #114866
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Abusers always change the goal posts. Nothing you do is ever good enough and it always gets worse. This behaviour sends our head spinning. So yes it’s normal for an abusive partner. He takes his ‘moods’ out on you because it makes him feel better. Concentrate on you and your behaviour and how you can change the situation but know that nothing you do for him will stop his abuse. Not apologising and refusing to accept responsibility for his actions is also what an abuser does. They also like To push our buttons to make us snap then use that as an excuse for further abuse. Try keeping a secret journal of his behaviour and how it makes you feel.

  • #114870
     beachhut 
    Participant

    Hello, I have just read your post and know just how it feels, I am out now and obviously have bad days, but like it has been suggested to you I kept a diary which I often look back on, I never realized just how many c–p days I had, the moods could be brought on because I said I didn’t know where something was, or somebody had a go at him on the phone, that was my fault. He would then completely change as if nothing had happened and I would question myself just in case I was see it wrongly.
    Believe me I was not, because that behaviour changed to aggression then assault.
    So keep a note of what is happening and take care of you. beachhutXx

  • #114958
     LonelyAs 
    Participant

    Hi, my partner is the same. Some how out of nowhere he’ll snap out of it and go back to acting normal like nothing happened. Silent treatment must be frustrating but constantly being attacked verbally and followed around the house is also difficult. He’ll keep at me saying all the right things he know will get a rise out of me. Then when i finally snap. Uses it against me. He then plays the victim.

    Yes i agree, the goal post always changes. No matter what i do or say its wrong in his eyes.

    We have to stop making excuses for their bad behaviour. I always convinced myself hes only this way for this and that reason. I always thought he’d change once our circumstances did. But ive recently learnt he’ll never change.

    I started making a list of all the abuse i could remember. Ive too many years of bad memories. It was frightening how much i had to say. Reading back to myself, i cried. We deserve better and i just wanna be appreciated.

    Stay strong X

  • #114963
     Bettertimesahead 
    Participant

    My husband would be like this. If in a mood he wouldn’t eat either.And the acting like nothing had happened after a big row etc, yep, had that too. I used to get so cross with myself for just ignoring it too but that was the easiest option. If I was getting silent treatment I would sometimes spend ages trying to get him to discuss the issue, why?? I cannot believe how much c**p I put up with.

  • #114965
     gettingtired 
    Participant

    I get the silent treatment too. I also regularly get told to go back to my parents. If I try to get my point across to him about how he acted really unfairly or treated me badly he just goes into full blown defence mode. Usually using anything he can against me to basically justify what he did or prove that I’m just as bad as him. I made the mistake of spending too long in the supermarket a while ago which instantly put him in a bad mood with me. This spiralled into an argument and him storming off calling me a f*****g b****, a c*** and then blamed for ‘ruining’ the rest of what was supposed to be a nice day. 😑 charming hey x

  • #114972
     seaglass 
    Participant

    Well mine denies it’s silent treatment or stonewalling…..he says it’s simply disengaging from my ‘rubbish’.
    At the beginning of our relationship I used to desperately try and find out what was wrong, what I had done, I’d apologise, even though I’d done nothing but after a few days I was so brain addled I thought maybe I had?
    It felt like when he had ‘punished me enough’ or needed something he would then suddenly come round. By this time I had usually apologised as well.
    He can’t see it’s wrong, and even worse when he’s doing it on front of our son, as he basically disengages from him too which is highly confusing.

  • #114990
     Helphelphelp 
    Participant

    I constantly got the silent treatment, for days on end he would sit in my spare room ignoring me, I’d always go in to ask if he would like a tea hoping he would drop the silence, it drive me mad. I would say (detail removed by moderator) This went on for a long time once in lockdown and I was literally going mad. All I can say is if you have conversations with him and he won’t listen to your side, walks off if you go to have your say, twists everything you manage to get out or just goes silent for days. It’s abuse, if your left feeling like you’ve been in the twilight zone then it’s crazy making, I felt I could go mad with all the twists n terms, then he could come down and say do u want a tea? Out of the blue and he’d be ok. But I’d be left thinking W*F just happened, and what a waste of a week of my life. But I liked the normal part again and would forget way to quickly what he had done, UNTIL the next time, each getting worse n worse. I’d be anxious after two weeks waiting for it to happen again, and it always did. I’m out now, I’m still miserable but I’ve noticed he gets In Touch nearly every (detail removed by moderator) as if to upset, love or wind me up. So I’ve now blocked him. I’m struggling each day, but I’m no worse with anxiety as when I was with him.
    I wish you love and luck xx

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