Playing games??

[Walkingonsunshine]

So I ended the relationship, yet he’s the one who has filed and paid for divorce – now half way through divorce proceedings he’s trying to win me back, asking if we can try dating again?
Who does that? Is he just playing games? Surely by the time the divorce has been submitted you’re pretty clear it’s over?
Worrying thing is I’m tempted.

[KIP.]

Remember he knows your weaknesses. He rushed to divorce you because his pride was wounded and he was desperate to regain control and punish you. He also hoped you’d get such a shock you’d come running back. Now he realises the nasty approach didn’t work and you didn’t come rushing back, he’s changing tactics. It was easier to divorce my ex when he was nasty and showing his true colours. It’s the nice person we fell in love with that we are always desperate to get back but that person doesn’t exist. Please don’t fall for his game because there will only be one loser and that’s you. When he reverts to Mr Nasty and you’re back at square one in a much weaker position. I’ve also seen on here these men desperately trying to save their relationship and once hooked back in they’ve cruelly discarded the woman out of pure revenge. Don’t give him that power back to hurt you again. Stick to the path to freedom. Write down all the abuse you’ve suffered at the hands of this man. Ask yourself do you really want to return to those days because his niceness won’t last. Perhaps you’re missing being in a relationship and all that goes with it, rather than actually missing this person who harms you. He has shown you his true colours, believe him.

[Walkingonsunshine]

Thanks KIP, worryingly that exact thought has entered my head – he won’t like it that I’ve ended it, if I take him back is it just so he can finish it himself and be the dumper rather than being dumped 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think you’re right. I don’t miss HIM as such, but I miss being a family. I’ve also never been on my own which is so scary (more so as I have the children to take care of, not just me) I do feel less stressed and anxious since we seperated as I feel he doesn’t have that same control over me. I feel more like me again…I guess because I feel stronger I feel like I could perhaps deal with him better?? It’s like you said, it’s so much easier to leave when they’re being horrible. It feels justifiable, yet when they’re nice it makes you doubt your beliefs, I almost want to test him to check he can’t change before I leave for good

[KIP.]

Getting a divorce from these men can take years and work out very expensive so while he is co operating I’d go as far as you can before he pulls the plug and you’re left chasing him for signatures and co operation, divorce was daunting but it’s a legal bond that you really need to break free from. At the end of the day it’s just a piece of legal paper. Breaking free Emotionally is much More difficult but you can do that on your own. Zero contact is the way forward because any contact is toxic and you’re still extremely vulnerable.

[KIP.]

I will be waiting to welcome you both 💕

[Walkingonsunshine]

Hi beachhut, that is exactly it for me too. My house, my home, the stability for the kids, this is what pulls me back. If I could keep the house and he moved out this would be soo much easier for me to do but it’s never going to happen 😔

I try remember the bad bits, but my brain is always tricking me, wouldn’t it be cool to have our memories removed?!

Good luck on your journey and thanks for the post, I hope to see you at the other side, happy, fulfilled, raising a toast to survival 🥂x

[Author]

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