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There have been so many moments when I think, right we’re going! And then, everything feels very normal til the next time. (detail removed by Moderator) my son was subjected to something horrible. I’m heart broken and furious he’s been called a different disgusting term. So, I want to go after Christmas. But, as much as I want us to go to my mum’s, she’s waiting on us btw, I’m still so worried and scared. Please, can anyone tell me how it feels to just go? Change your life forever? Shock your child? Why do I feel so bad when I know what I need to do?
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I was elated when I left. The feeling of freedom was intoxicating nearly, and the relief! It was overwhelming. I could hardly believe that the option had been open to me all along. That I wasnt trapped like I had thought, staring down the barrel of a miserable life, but free! To do what I wanted to do!
I had waves of panic too, shaking, heart racing etc but they became less frequent after the first couple of days, then went away. It’s a normal response to trauma so learning about that allowed me to just let them wash over me. The body keeps the score is a great book about that stuff.
Healing and putting your life back together is difficult and hard work, but it’s the most worthwhile thing you’ll ever do. And I’ve never regretted leaving. Counselling and my support group has been invaluable to my recovery, as has the support of my friends. My myriad health problems have resolved themselves and I feel younger than I have in years.
The worst days I had after leaving were never as bad as the bad days with my ex. I could look at myself in the mirror and know I had done my best for the woman looking back. And that’s all any of us can do xx -
And I’m sorry that happened your son (detail removed by Moderator). It’s so normal to be frightened and worried. Living with abuse takes all our strength, it’s so difficult to muster the strength to leave.
But it is possible. You are so close now. Freedom is within touching distance and you can do this xx
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You just have to take that leap of faith. Jump into the dark. It feels alien but that’s because of years of abuse. You have to trick your brain into thinking something else. Tell yourself it’s a trial separation. Tell yourself youre going on a holiday to your mums. Whatever it takes to get out that door. Then you will have your new life to build. A blank piece of paper to colour with wonderful bright sunny pictures. You want to make good memories to look back on and Leaving is the start. I felt euphoric when my ex was removed. So I don’t have to flee but you have support in place and he will never support you in anything you do. It’s not easy but you will have a purpose and your children will have a happy whole mum x
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I felt relief. I was also felt a little scared and rudderless because I had spent decades moulding myself to be the woman he wanted me to be. All of a sudden I could be myself but I didn’t know who “myself” really was.
I suspect you’ll feel a mixture of things. I hope you’ll feel proud of yourself for taking this step to keep you and your son as safe as possible. The emotional abuse you described can be very destructive for him. Focus on the feelings of relief and safety. Snuggle down into the safety net that your Mum is providing for you, block him on all of your media and enjoy a safe and relaxed Christmas.
The new you will start to emerge sooner than you think and you can celebrate living life the way you want to live it. xx
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Hi It felt petrifying shocking guilty impossible. But actually it was the best bravest thing I did. Only when I left did the harm done to my children from staying emerge. You have your mum lean on her. Look forward to no drama laughter joy feeling safe and relaxed with your son. You can definitely do this it’s a journey for sure and it will have bumps but every journey begins with that first step x
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Just to add that none of the things I had thought were going to be an issue materialised. I had been fretting about uprooting my child, worrying about how I’d manage work full time and the daily commute etc. Everything has been easily resolved and/or just not an issue. My commute is actually the same time wise despite it being a longer drive. I too was quite shocked at things my son told me after we left. He felt like a weight had been lifted. He also disclosed how totally powerless he felt when my ex was ranting at me and/or him. I’m not going to say it’s been easy. I was completely numb packing my things up. Luke kip described, I felt like I was jumping into darkness but I had no choice. The physical stuff was minimal in my relationship but he was killing me slowly internally xx
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I just can’t thank you all enough! I’ve been reading these posts over and over and everytime I’m reduced to tears. You’re all so wonderful and smart and clever. I just can’t believe you care about me so much, it’s just amazing. He said drunkenly (detail removed by Moderator) when I’m going to sleep that he feels unloved, gets no affection and if it wasn’t for our son he wouldn’t be here. I got a pathetic apology this morning. The drama just doesn’t seem to end. You are all so brave and strong. This is my favourite post and I’m going to read your replies over and over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💓. I love you are all so much happier xx
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I was mostly angry when I finally called time on it all. He did one last sh*tty thing and I snapped. I wondered what had stopped me going before. I had practical problems to deal with (job, home) but I rediscovered how f*cking brilliant I was at everything. The euphoria of emotional freedom hasn’t really gone away.
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You can do it. I broke up with my ex (detail removed by Moderator), after telling myself I’d wait till after Xmas. But like someone else said here, he did one last s****y thing and I knew it was never going to get better. So I did it, totally unplanned. And so far I’ve been through feelings of utter relief, anger and sadness. But my life has a predictability to it that had been forgotten. And it’s lovely.
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I was the same. Got stonewalled for nothing. I just thought I can’t take another day like this. I had done some preparation but was nowhere near how prepared I wanted to be. My ex is still messaging, begging forgiveness. He doesn’t realise I’d been planning to get out and grieving the end of our relationship for two years prior x
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I’m being stonewalled right now. Thankfully I work today. Left him at home alone. This time it has really got to me. I feel sad that things have turned out like this. I loved him with all my heart and sole and still do to some extent. All the effort to make this marriage work, waisted. So grieving is a good term to use and I need to be able to handle the silence, it’s difficult.
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