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Someone please tell me he has no leg to stand on about seeing the kids? He hasn’t bothered for years and now CSA have said he now owes me money he’s now messaging my family saying he’s changed and wants to see them. He hasn’t bothered and not paid a penny. I had to move cities because of the harassment. I had to start a new life because she destroyed mine mentally and physically. Left me in thousands of debt. When we first split up I suggested mediation he declined, I suggested third party to exchange the kids he declined, I then gave in and said I will exchange the kids but he refused to give me his new address because I may turn up and kick off? That would never of happened. So I then said take me to court and he never did. Now he has to pay this money he wants to see them after years!!!! My youngest was a baby and does not remember him and my oldest has forgotten him. Do I contact CSA and cancel the case. I would rather not have his money then him see them. It won’t be consistent, he will manipulate them, it’s all about me. Please tell me my kids don’t have to see him. My anxiety is going through the rooof and I feel like grabbing my kids and running away. Please help me
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I know it’s easy to say but do not panic. Are you the resident parent? That’s important. He’s only wanting to see the kids because he wants you to drop the claim for money. He knows it’s the best way to control you. There is lots of help available from lots of organisations now. The national domestic abuse helpline is 24/7 for advice. The NSPCC have a helpline. Rights of Women offer free legal advice. You’re going into panic mode because of your past history. Take a step back. It’s very obvious why now he’s asking to see them. As you say he’s shown no interest or concern for years. Get support from your local women’s aid. Messaging your family isn’t how he gets to see them. There’s a process he needs to go through and that doesn’t involve harassing your family. If your the resident parent legally. I’d wait to get a solicitors letter from him taking things further legally. Otherwise don’t let him in your head. Only act on what he does not the rubbish he spouts x
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I know I’m panicking and all the horrible memories are flooding back. I’m going to call my local woman’s aid tomorrow and get some advice for sure. I have a residency order for the children and he is not on my youngest birth certificate. To be honest I don’t think he will take me to court because he hasn’t in the past and doesn’t want to spend his money. My mind just gone into overdrive and thinking the judge will allow contact because they believe dads should be involved bla bla. I need to get some advice on where I stand. Surely it’s not good for the mental health of my children? But yes your right I need to step back and stop my mind from snow balling. Just hard isn’t it. Half of me I wanna ring him and give it to him but I would never give him the satisfaction and other half of me just wants to run.
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It’s easy to be overwhelmed but he’s not on the birth certificate so that’s in your favour. Don’t have any contact with him at all. Keep all the evidence you can and note his calls to your relations. Names Dates times and content. Keep a journal of his behaviour. Past and present. He’s a very long way to go before he gets in front of any judge. It sounds like you hold all the cards just now. I’d tell my relatives not to talk to him at all. Say nothing. He could be recording their calls. Trying to get confirmation he’s the father. My guess is he’s just annoyed at having to pay up x
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