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I don’t know if this will be removed but I have a police interview coming up about the rape (detail removed by moderator).
Just wanted some support….what will happen? Should I do this? We have kids….I’m sure they won’t be able to take it further as it’s just my word against his but what if they do prosecute? What if he goes to prison? How can I do this to my kids? -
Well done for getting this far, enofadov. You are probably going to be interviewed on film and you will be on a comfy sofa and will generally be made welcome and they will try to help you relax, probably by offering you coffee!
Please try and go into as much gruesome detail as you possibly can. I had blocked it firmly out and had to do the interview again.
Hopefully you should be assigned an ISVA who can come with you to the interview. You should also be referred to WA if you haven’t already been. They can also refer you to Rape Crisis for counselling and any other local arrangements they have to support you through the investigation.
The investigation can go on and on and on, and it can be very frustrating not knowing what the outcome will be. Your ISVA should be your link between you and the police during this time, and you will also be offered lots of other support for both you and your children.
Please don’t worry about possible charges at this point. It is so important to have the thing documented and to be believed.
The police will be able to tell you what they can and can’t do and hopefully explain the process to you. For me it didn’t sink in and I was terrified. Eventually I reported my ex again and he was interviewed under caution and was advised to move out of the family home. Thankfully he took their advice.
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I reported and I don’t regret it at all. The police were great. Took him in for questioning. There was no corroboration but it didn’t matter to me. I wanted him to know it wasn’t our little secret anymore. He couldn’t treat me like that anymore. Or anyone else. He wasn’t my problem anymore. He was their problem now. They spoke to him and if he does it to anyone else, they have my statement.
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Thank you KIP. So your case did not go any further?? They’ve given me the decision to prosecute. Officer said it would be a horrific experience and his legal team will try pull me to pieces and without any hard evidence it’s just my word against his. Even if they did find him guilty do I want him going to prison and the effect on my children?
Such a complicated decision -
I doubt very much the Crown Office would prosecute without hard evidence. They won’t take a case unless it meets the standards required. There was no corroboration in my case unless another woman comes forward. Sounds like there might be more to yours than you know. A confession maybe. I’m very prepared to take it to court if I have the opportunity but the decision is yours. Talk it over with rape Crisis x
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The police are advising you on what could happen. I am meeting the investigating officer next week about my ex. I believe he is not being charged due to lack of evidence. In many ways I am pleased that I do not have to stand as a witness to a criminal trial.
Before my first interview I was in pieces, not knowing what was going on, blocking things out, still in denial about how awful it was. I lost masses of weight and was given masses of drugs by my gp to stop my head falling off and my heart falling out.
If he’d just raped me the once, I hope I would have known. I thought I did know. It wasn’t like that. It was repeatedly with the excuse that it was how he showed affection, it was all my fault and he was normal; I wasn’t.
I reported again when I’d completed Freedom and spoken to Rape Crisis. It’s difficult talking about the kind of sex which I’d hated for so long and normalised.
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It’s all horrible. I think I was projecting what was happening to me onto my ex’s first wife. His way of doing things wasn’t about consent. It was about getting his way. There were many times when I thought, oh he just raped me, and then justified it by thinking he would never do anything like that.
The times I thought I was being used as a sex toy or masterbatory tool. More times than I can remember, I wasn’t part of the action.
The police are NFA’ing him as there just isn’t enough evidence. I think these things are such that people prefer to forget unless something triggers it.
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Hi there ladies….its a long time ago now but I’m considering reporting my ex husband for raping me too. He started doing it just after my first son was birth and continued regularly up until I fled him….so it happened lots of times….sometimes he’d force himself on/in and sometimes he’d wait til I was asleep, I’d wake up and he’d be doing it….I never realised it was rape. I just knew I did not like him doing it and he didn’t take no for an answer. He of course said sex was my duty as his wife and that he shouldn’t have to masterbate – whether he did private I don’t know. If I didn’t let him have sex (even tho I’d say no) he’d get really nasty with me and be moody around the house, slamming doors, banging things down etc. I so hated the tense atmosphere and I worried about how it effected my boys…they were younger then….they knew dad was cross about something but they didn’t know what, but I knew why…he was angry at me because he wanted sex….I’d let him have sex to stop the moodiness for a couple of days then it would start again….any advice on reporting old DV rape? Now my boys are adults I feel ready to report his actions. I used to worry the boys would loose their dad if I reported and I didn’t want them to suffer that as my dad died when I was young…xx
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