Police report

[RedFox]

Hi there,

I have my appointment with the police very soon and i can’t sleep again tonight. Worrying about it so much.

I would like to know what will happen when I go to the police station? They will take my statement I suppose but will I have to give proves? Will they force me to provide proves and what would they be? It’s hard to prove the emotional and psychological abuse. What if I have not many proves?

Then, I don’t want to leave my house. Have nowhere to go especially with my pet.
What will happen? If I tell them not to talk to him but just to log it, will they respect my wishes?

I have pain everywhere, to a point if I wonder whether I am still in good health or not 🙁

[KIP.]

Hey there. I would make sure you speak to a domestic abuse officer. They are much more aware of the behaviour of abusers. You just need to tell them what he has done and if you have any evidence of that like injuries, emails, test messages etc then you can show them. If you do. It want them to investigate then you should be clear about this. Although I was told that without investigating which includes questioning him, there wasn’t much they could do. Ask yourself what you want to achieve. I was too scared to make it official at first but his behaviour went off the scale and I decided to report him. They detained arrested hima dn bailed him not to come back to the marital home. Giving me time to get legal help and get my divorce sorted. I think you should ring the helpline on here to discuss or get some free legal advice from Rights for Women.

[RedFox]

Thank you KIP.
I have stressed a lot again tonight, I am going to the police later. Fortunately he is away at the moment, probably enjoying the weekend with his new girl.

I worry they remove me from my property. I cannot leave, I have many reasons why and that would put me in a worse emotional stress. I need some stability as well.

Are there things that, if i was gonna say them, would make it immediate for them to speak to him or take an action?
And what would happen if he already had a record?

[KIP.]

Contact women’s aid. They were a great help to me. Someone may be able to go with you.

[RedFox]

I have contacted them but I have forgotten to ask the above questions 🙁
They offered me to come with me but a friend of mine is gonna come and support me. I am so worried …

[maddog]

You are doing the right thing, RedFox. I’m sure they will make you feel as comfortable as possible. I asked the police not to speak to my husband because I feared he would retaliate. My husband has been reported to the police for threatening someone else. He lied to them.

The officer will probably go through a DASH assessment. They are there to help you and will pick up on your distress. This is not your fault and you are doing so well to get this far.

[RedFox]

Thank you Maddog.

Did they respect your demand that they don’t talk to him?

I worry this made it all worse for me. I don’t know what is the right thing but I cannot change the past ans the appointment is due.

He has said he thinks we can now sort our finances out. I feel bad this come just before my police appointment. But there were so many lies over the years that this could be a new one and I can’t trust this person anymore.

[KIP.]

You definitely cannot trust him. Abusers sense when we have had enough that’s when they turn on the charm. My abuser promised the earth and delivered nothing. Do not listen to a word he says. All lies. Dr Jeckly Mr Hyde. Stick to your plan. He could have sorted the finances out by now. What he means is, you’re getting close to discovering he has been financially abusing you and wants to silence you. Be very very careful as they get dangerous when they lose control x

[RedFox]

No you are right, I can’t trust a word he says.

So I went to the police today. They did the risk assessment, but unfortunately I held back everything, I was too scared they would talk to him (they have been very clear that they would if I disclosed criminal offenses). I couldn’t respond to the questions about the threats of killing me and if he ever strangled me.
I do not know if I should take another appointment and answer the questions this time (i left them blank). I worry so much about what would happen as I’m still under the same roof. It feels a bit like I let myself down today 🙁

[maddog]

You haven’t let yourself down at all. I left out so many things after the video interview. I am under thhe same roof as my husband too which is why I asked them not to have a word unless I was going to be safe. They haven’t spoken to him. I hope when I and children are safer that they will. I am in no doubt that he will lie. These men are the pits.

[RedFox]

I refused the video as well… I was shaking. The officer was very nice and understanding. He was patient and I stayed 1.5 hours at the station just for these 27 questions…
the problem is that it was clear they would talk to him if there was anything considered criminal and I think these two questions would have made the difference. I have a recording of the threat, he couldn’t lie for too long. But he will lie for everything else. They are horrible people.

There’s more manipulation coming now he promised to sort the rest out.
I can’t wait to be free again and not having to witness him being happy since he is seeing a lot of people..

[Mell]

Hello,

In my situation my husband was verbally abusive to a point he made you feel stupid , uneducated and worthless…his controlling me was not financially supporting me and my child who is his stepdaughter and using our immigration status as his weapon as he had brought us here and we have spousal visas. So he threatened us yes “us” my child as well who is a minor with deportation if we told anyone or tried to get help. He physically abused me ibfront of her and at that point I put all fear behind and called the police . Even though they came and saw him drunk and he assaulted me infront of my child they did nothing. NOTHING! they told me to pack up and go back to my country. Now my husband deniws EVERYTHING and is filing for divorce which and has cancelled our visa …..which he said he was going to do during his abuse. I am having trouble getting a police report as they said it didn’t make sense I wouldn’t succeed in court. I was totally not expecting this from the police. How can I save myself and child from deportation and prove he abused us. I have witnesses who saw him on few occasions and a few videos I tried to get of him drunk and abusive.

[Author]

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