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    • #12406
      Duck
      Participant

      Has anyone got any suggestions of how to break ties and stop the control men try to have after the break-up? I’ve been free for a good number of weeks now, but I don’t feel free at all. I’m out of the house, have most of my belongings and I’m trying my best to get him to cooperate in closing bank accounts. If I’m not nice to him, he is refusing to help close the bank accounts which means I’m stuck. So many companies refuse to let me take my name off billing accounts without his permission and of course he won’t help. I want to be free and he won’t let me 🙁

    • #12407
      Duck
      Participant

      He’s contacted me at least every couple of days since the break-up and either he tries to be overly nice, tries to be normal, as if nothing has happened, or things get heated and angry and he’s horrible. I want to stop all contact, but until I’m financially free of him, and have all my stuff, I can’t be

    • #12414
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Contact CAB and Rights of Women. If you do not want to be part of something you cannot be forced to continue just because the other party does not cooperate. Something is wrong here.
      You cannot be forced to share financial responsibilities if you do not want this any longer. Do you have debts or a mortgage together? That can be sorted out by a solicitor. There may be some requirements such as written declarations from your side. Even without his cooperation there should be a way out.

    • #12415
      Serenity
      Participant

      Yes, call Rights of Women and Women’s Aid.

      Family Lives helpline can direct you to help too.

      You need to get out of his sticky web ASAP. Then go no contact. It’s the only way to get back to being well again post-abuse x

    • #12422
      Duck
      Participant

      Thank you for your help.
      Luckily we have no mortgage and weren’t married, but he is really holding on tightly to the links he does have with me!

    • #12472
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI hun

      your still at early days try and not be too hard on yourself, it is frustating. I would say seek advise of citizen advice bureau, i know when i left ex i opened a new account and had new direct debits set up and then called company to cancel old d/d, as for things that r on both your names thats bit more tricky thats why best to get advise of citizen advice bureau and see if a support worker can guide u further. im actually having to pay the joint loan off with him now as he has messed my credit up, as too the joint account i just kept asking him nicely to sign the letter which he agrees to have his name removed off account. get all your d/d changed to another account first to show his not paying for your bills. get his family involved if poss if u on good terms with them to get him to sign. i had my letter ripped up loads of times before he eventually signed. another option which was gonna be my final step is say account will be frozen then no one has access to accounts. they do try to always control us, try to be strong and get support and advise it does make u stronger, they wilkl always try to have hold over us. knowing where u stand help so much. i actually have a support worker from a d v agency to guide me , whenever i give up she encourages me not to give up

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