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    • #20430
      KIP.
      Participant

      After the birth of my son, my husbands abuse escalated. Including trying to have sex whilst I still had stitches. I became depressed and the doctors were very quick to tell me I had PND. My point being, because I couldn’t speak out about my domestic abuse, the doctors were happy to stick me in a box called PND. They never bothered to find out why? I have often seen other women on here who suffered from PND. At the time I didn’t recognise domestic abuse and not one doctor ever mentioned it to me. I think at that difficult time when a new baby comes along, we desperately need help and support and abusive partners make us very ill, when we are already low. So when a woman says she has PND, I find myself asking if her partner is abusive or jealous of the new arrival and decides to take it out on her. Does she know it’s him that’s causing it?

    • #20436
      godschild
      Participant

      Ihad PND and a phycoanalist I once saw said it was lack of appreciation and supprot from the father that caused it, I know mine was not supportive in the pregnanacy when I was vomiting and ill for 5 months then I was very very tired after the birth and he let his over bearing parents stay for ages when they visited me and when I complained afterwards he was nasty to me,I remember now that I went to pieces 9 weeks after my son was born, my wedding ring fell of and I was in an awful state trying to find it and I broke down I called him at work he came home but i remember him throwing and smashing a glass, so it may well contribute to it

    • #20439
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Having a baby is an emotional time so any kind of abuse would make emotions ten times worse. I have noticed with my daughter that professionals are a lot more open about asking about abuse during pregnancy that was even prior to moving in here. They are very aware of risks surrounding new borns caught up in an emotionally or physically abusive situation far more than when I was younger and having babies. x

    • #20453
      Ayanna
      Participant

      KIP, I think you should complain about this. They need to know what hey have done to you. You can complain about this any time. Jeremy Hunt is not a good health secretary for the medical professionals but he may well take up your negative patient experience.

    • #20554
      Serenity
      Participant

      My ex really upped the abuse both times I was pregnant.

      After I had my younger child, he was mentally and emotionally despicable- just like Starmoon’s abuser was to her.

      I felt very depressed and low. I realised that I must be suffering from PND, and I knew it must have been exacerbated by his cruelty. I told him that his unkindness and cruelty was making me depressed, that I needed support with a new baby and toddler.

      He just called me a mental case.

      His clinical, calculated efforts to make me feel completely alone and vulnerable began to kill any feelings I ever had for him.

    • #20572
      Tuppance
      Participant

      My husband went completely off the rails when we were expecting – even though we had been trying for our baby for (detail removed by moderator) years so he was very wanted. He was constantly drinking, I had to drive around at all hours ( sometimes 3 in the morning ) to get him home. Change his clothes and get him in bed. He tried to leave me 4 days before our son was born and I had to beg him not to go. When I got back from hospital 3 days later, all my wet clothes from my waters breaking were still on the floor in the bedroom. No washing up or anything. He said having a baby wouldn’t change us. On the first night home he said it was ok, that I didn’t have to cook. After that he still wanted freshly cooked meals at 8 pm just like we always had. He still went to the pub every night. I remember being so hungry and tired one Saturday ( yes – he was down the pub ) and I called the local takeaway for food but they wouldn’t deliver because the order was small. I was so desperate I broke down . The lovely lady brought me food straight away and held my baby ( he was a crier !) until I had eaten. Amazing kindness. I felt so alone with this new baby. My husband said he didn’t believe in depression previously so I couldn’t talk to him. I would sit in a corner crying when I was on my own but pretend everything was normal the rest of the time. I hate him for that. I have now been diagnosed as clinically depressed following complications with our second pregnancy. One of our twin girls died and he refused me maternity leave to grieve. Had to go to work on the morning of her funeral. Had to drive 5 days after my csection and back to work 2 days after that. The doctor believes that holding all this in over the years, together with his verbal abuse and controlling behaviour has done this. I won’t tell him though as I don’t want him to use it against me. I am a very capable person but not when he is around and acting up.

      I hate him for all this.

    • #20573
      Serenity
      Participant

      Tuppance,

      Your post breaks my heart. x

    • #20579
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Oh no Tuppance.
      I wish I was a witch and could put an evil course on this horrible man.
      Massive hugs.

    • #20580
      Tuppance
      Participant

      Big sigh – Thankyou ladies. It’s when you write it down, see it in text, that I realise just how stupid I was to beg him not to leave. Grrrr at myself. X

    • #20584
      godschild
      Participant

      So sad to read tuppance these men seem to have no compassion or care for us Women in the things we have to go through, its despicable, so lovely the take away lady was so kind in your time of need hugs xxxxx

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