Potential for honour based abuse highlighed in my issue

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Twisted Sister Twisted Sister 4 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #58536
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    So I was manipulated into my relationship by a married asian guy who claimed his relationship with her was over. I am black, Turns out a 2 children and a fewbyears later he was never going to divorce her. An honour based helpline have highlighted the potential for honour based abuse.
    His marriage to an asian woman was an arranged marriage he brought her via spouse

    She had trouble concieving so they have no children

    His older brother apprently does not like other races mixing in the family. I have heard this from another family member. We will have some help via targated family support. I am so close to just telling him to leave. He appears to be waiting for something. His behaviour whilst picking me up at wor has changed making me wonder if he has someone watching me or is playing mind games?

    If I tel him to leave how long will I be waiting finacially for benefits to kick in?

  • #58596
    Profile photo of Lisa Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi runner,

    Well done for continuing to reach out for support from various places. I am pleased to hear you will receive help from family support.

    With regards to questions about benefits, you might find these organisations useful:

    Gingerbread- https://www.gingerbread.org.uk
    Turn2us- https://www.turn2us.org.uk
    Citizen Advice Bureau- https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk

    Keep posting to us when you can to let us know how you are.

    Best wishes,

    Lisa

  • #61865
    Profile photo of Ayanna Ayanna 
    Participant

    Get him out of your lives and never let the family see your children.
    They deserve to grow up in a happier world, where racism has no place.

    Such men never divorce their wives.
    They go astray and make other women unhappy whilst the wife endures his behaviour at home until the end of her life.
    We can only hope that she realises that she has a choice and that she kicks his a.. one day.

    The sooner you get out the better for you and your children.

  • #61871
    Profile photo of freedomtochoose freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    I would say the same. I have experience of abuse from extended family – who were actually very rich and thought they could do exactly what they wanted. They kind of viewed my child more as a possession than a human being. I kept them out and away from child. And it allowed us space to grow our own lives.
    It sounds like you are facing many mountains
    we can walk with you on the journey, step by step.
    You can do this
    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #62039
    Profile photo of Twisted Sister Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    So sorry to hear your experience runner. I hope you can plan carefully and safely which is so important.

    I think it possible to get a social loan also, but that does also take time. Have you asked your family support as they may have access to emergency funds in your situation?

    Maybe you could very carefully get together bank statements and supporting documents safely stored in readiness.

    Your family support and specialist honor-based violence support agencies should be able to advise.

    Warmest wishes

    TS x

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