Pregnancy shock

[bunsandcakes]

Hi guys,

I used this forum a lot when I was leaving my abusive ex. That was less than (detail removed by Moderator) ago but still feels like a long time ago. Since then I have been on a real journey and it has mostly been super positive I have however just had an incredible shock and its shaken me. I met a new guy, dating made me feel good about myself again and I loved having a chunk of time to myself when I wasnt a mum or working or dealing with finances (detail removed by Moderator). The FIRST time we had sex, the condom came off. I didn’t discover until afterwards when we had a panicked moment of ‘where is it’?! It was (detail removed by Moderator) so I went the very next morning and took the morning after pill within the 24 hour period. I felt humiliated and shocked that, after all I have been through, this could happen to me on the FIRST TIME I slept with him. Its awful. Anyway, fast forward (detail removed by Moderator) and I did a pregnancy test to be sure I was all clear… I wasn’t. I am now pregnant. WOW typing that is kind of scary. I have booked in for a termination because I cannot have another child. I barely keep my head above water financially and I couldnt complicate my childrens lives more by bringing another life into this world. I have told my father and the father of the baby but I cant tell my mum for which I feel dreadful. They say they wont do anything until I am at least 6-8 weeks pregnant. I suffer from anxiety anyway and this is hanging over me like a knife. To top it off, the guy seemed to have a freak out about ‘us’ the day before I found out so we are not even together anymore. It feels so unfair to be dealing with this on top of (detail removed by Moderator), kids, work, finances, my ex. The hormones are already there, I can feel them. I cant face feeling pregnant for the next (detail removed by Moderator) weeks. Im meant to be flying to a far away country at the start of (detail removed by Moderator) for work for (detail removed by Moderator), that is right on the cusp of when I am going to have to have the termination. I feel so sad. It is all a bit of a mess and dragging up so many emotional feelings… I remember getting a positive pregnancy for my other children with my ex partner and feeling so happy and it just feels like a lifetime away.

Thanks for listening, I just need to know someone is listening. 🙁

[KIP.]

Hey, sending you a big Hug. It’s got to be a difficult time and you have been through a lot. I was wondering if you could go private or get your GP to push the termination date forwards because of the anxiety it’s causing? It seems cruel to make you wait. Also, bringing up old feelings can be traumatic. Try not to dwell on these feelings. Accept them for what they are and move on. You can always give the helpline a ring for a chat. I think you’re still vulnerable, Hang in there ❤️

[bunsandcakes]

Reading this KIP has made me cry so I guess you are right. I remember you from our previous exchanges so I know you know some of my story. I just cant believe my luck. I only have (detail removed by Moderator) and that combined with the fact we used a condom and go unlucky PLUS I took a morning after pill within 24 hours.. I feel like someone is testing me and that my life is just a series of f**k ups. My sister is just telling my mum for me because I cant face it.

[lilaclady]

We are listening and I send you a huge hug! KIP is right do phone the helpline if you need a chat and keep posting if you need to here. Look after yourself lady x*x

[bunsandcakes]

Thanks Lilaclady. I think I need to just focus on work and the kids and stay busy until this is over. I don’t want it to have a negative impact on my kids, thats my main concern.

[Ayanna]

Not sure whether you are aware that men learn how to undo condoms. There is a whole movement about this going on within the abuser/male department. It could have been a deliberate act.
Condoms do not just come undone easily.
I agree with your decision to have an abortion.
I wonder why the morning after pill did not work. You should complain.

[Twisted Sister]

what a tough time bunsandcakes. Despite all that you’ve said, you are still making your decisions about whats right for you. i don’t know but are there other places you could go to in order to get treatment quicker? Its so hard on you to have to wait through knowing how you feel.

Thats a lot of bad luck, but although small risk is always there of condoms failing. Speaking to many who’s contraception failed, and morning-after pill works better when taken before ovulation, so is not a definite and such a shock when you’ve done everything to avoid being in this situation, its horrible luck.

i hope you have others around you that understand and can help you get through this hormonal and emotional time x*x warmest wishes ks xx

[bunsandcakes]

Hi guys, sorry having a bad time and need to talk and update this situ. Im stiiillll waiting for the abortion, a little more than a week. Im also awaiting ex being served court papers, will happen at the same time. Ive now had a mini breakdown from the stress, anxiety just swamped me and I couldnt function so my mother has come to help me get through things for a bit. I feel so guilty that I have to depend on my family but it just felt like something snapped in my head. I dont want to suffer like this and i want to be a perfect mother to my kids. Hormones will be making everything worse but the panic attacks are so debilitating. I have mediation but they dont stop.

[KIP.]

Hey Buns, hang in there. Never understimate the effect of trauma and im positive your family wnat to be there to help you through this difficukt time. You will pick yourself up again. Meantime, be kind and gentle to yourself, take baby steps and accept all the help offered. Thinking of you 🌷

[bunsandcakes]

Thanks KIP, i really appreciate it. I had a few moments where I felt like I just wanted to be dead. Not that I wanted to kill myself just that I wanted all the stress to just stop. Kids, finances, court, work, the abortion, my family, its just never ending and I cant stop my thoughts running away into stupid endless spirals. Today i paniced that my parents help so much… What if they die!! Its just silly. The sane part of me can see its bad and irrational negative thinking but its like Im too exhausted to fight the thoughts amd replace them with better ones.

[KIP.]

I went through exactly the same process. It must be part of the terrible road to recovery from the trauma we suffered. You will come out the other side. Meantime Concentrate on eating, hydrating and rest. Perhaps some walking if you can get outside. I irrationally panicked too sometime for no reason, especially when waking in the morning. Five o’clock frights I used to call them but I can actually go all night now without waking which I thought I never would. It will get better. If you can afford a good therapist then it’s money well spent in my opinion. One who has lots of experience of dv.

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