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    • #8735

      Has anyone managed to stay in an abusive relationship and made things work – I don’t been whilst still being abused, but made their abuser realise what they were doing?

      I know this is probably a stupid question and that most abusers don’t change, but a part of me hopes mine can.

      Is that pathetic?

      Any positive stories?

    • #8736
      Falling Skys

      Hi Timetomoveon

      Its a valid question, sadly though mine said he’d change he never did. I thought if he was surrounded by my love he would but he just suck it out of me till I became a shell.

      FS xx

      • #8752

        Get a copy of Austin James book available frim amazon, if you can called Emotional abuse the silent killer of marriage , he changes its his story of how, his wife still divorced him as he had damaged their relationship , for 30 years. I understand its rare for an abuser to change but not impossible if they come out of denial work and hard at it, and it take a long long time, there is a website called MEVAC, men ending verbal abuse and control, many positive stories.

    • #8738

      It’s not pathetic at all-
      I am still in my heart hoping for a positive story.
      But so far my journey says no 😢
      I gave so many chances and then it started to affect my little girl … And then he crossed the line.

      We are now currently living in a refuge … Safe !! Xx

    • #8744

      Hi Time

      They know what they are doing and no not for the one before us or the next one after they don’t want to and it’s their character
      My ex beat me a lot as I was isolated . The women he is with has family around so he is not hitting her but he is using her for money car sex and is not faithful so still abuse .
      Look at actions not words
      Big hugs x*x

    • #8779


      I stayed with mine hoping in (detail removed by Moderator) years he would change, what didnt i try, they dont change , they just upp game and change tatics, my ex b in law wife left him, he doesnt beat his new wife up , did once though , but what i found sickening was he never abused her he chose to abuse me instead emotionally and financially whilst his brother beat me up and abused me in every way , sick how these men work , we lived as a extended family incase u wondering how he abused me, what a nightmare living with two abusers, so no they dont change , u might get a break in between but they wont leave u alone, i wonder now im out was the break so he could still get use out of me , will never know cause he said to me at end of it but u still didnt break ? they really r mental, my b in law when i left said what respect r u after i dont understand ? what do u say to idiots like that

    • #8787

      Thanks everyone. Im finding the whole thing very difficult as he can be so loving and kind and patient, and then without warning he’s an ogre. I don’t understand how he can be both?

      Ive reached out to my local domestic abuse outreach centre and they have offered to meet with me in a neutral place and discuss ways to help me. What triggered my post here was that in her email she did say that she could help me remain in the relationship safely – and i wondered how many people here this had worked for.

      Stupid, stupid me!

      Big love to you all xx

    • #8813

      I also believed this for some years. Even after he tried to kill me I thought we would be able to fix our marriage. I listened to his explanations and felt so guilty that I had called the police. I completely defended him and tried to get him out of the mess that I had allegedly put him into. I had a full blown Stockholm Syndrome.
      Only after he abused me badly again a few weeks later I suddenly had an enlightenment how wrong my thinking was and I never looked back. I went zero contact and fought him through the court system.

      Rest assured that abusers do not change. It will only get worse and you may lose your live one day if you do not leave.

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