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    • #63805
      fridges
      Participant

      Hello, ladies,
      Can you tell me please if you have these issues?
      About postponing things for later? Even if they are important?
      Problem with the concentration and studies? to learn new things?
      I have noticed on me – over the period now, it is hard to read and absorb new information. When I take a book or try to study something else, on the background I keep analysing my past experience, in my head it is playing and it is not switching off. I start to read and then these things popping out, without me actually willing at this moment. Then it becomes very hard for me to calm down, I have the need to cry.
      Even what I have learned before – it is in a chaotic way in my brain. I think it effected me, I could memorise the whole book by heart before and now it is not there.
      To switch off from the background on my head – the scenes, the words, the manipulation, coercion, sexual abuse, emotional – I need to occupy myself with manual things, like cooking, or knitting, cleaning.
      Any tips how to restore the memory and abilities?
      Also to have a courage to be more social and not afraid to come out of the house?

      Lots of love to everyone here.

    • #63810
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Very sorry to hear you are suffering like this. I believe it is your brain tryin to process all that you have been through as the memories get disrupted due to the distress and heightened anxiety.

      I do hear that those practical things you talk of are a good way to help you focus and find some peace, another woman posted recently about gardening providing good mind space for recovering g.

      Make sure you have good support to help you, it can be a bit of a lottery but keep looking, and taking one step at a time, baby steps.

      Warmest wishes. Ts

    • #63824
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Yes, I had that very badly.
      I could not even read a one A4 page letter.
      Nothing could enter my brain, I was unable to process new information.

      I am still unable to read a book.
      I take longer than I did in the past for certain things that I have to do routinely.
      Initially I could not even keep my accommodation clean.
      I spent days in bed.

      This gets better slowly.
      Do not do anything that stresses you if you can avoid it.

      What helped me was to write To-Do-Lists and tick what I have done.

      This is all part of the C-PTSD after severe abuse.

      I am out for a few years and I am again able to keep my place clean, to look after myself better and to read letters and short papers.

      I want to do courses and studies again, but I am not ready yet.
      The focus returns … slowly.

      I am still a recluse, not socialising at all. I am not sure whether that will ever change again because I am content like that.

    • #63830
      fridges
      Participant

      @twistedsister – thank you very much for your support.
      I do therapy, it does help me, I feel less overburden with it. And started to speak about it what happened to me. When before I could not cope it, I could not say it.
      It is a journey… Some days I have a good day, other days I just can not stop crying and be under the blanket, in my room, where I feel safe.
      My friend recommended me the course of assertiveness. She had a break down twice and this was a great course to recover for her.
      Also I very hard trying to work on self value, self respect. Very hard to have a healthy one, after you were so dehumanised.

      @aynna – very sorry to hear that you are in the same phase as me. My social life is the serial life on amazon or netflix:) Never thought I will be a woman, who will watch 8 series a day of desperate housewives.
      Do you have therapy or some group to help you to recover?

    • #63840
      puzzledatlife
      Participant

      When i was in deep shock the letters on a page twisted… I find my mind extremely tired after suffering. I think the brain is an organ and like a limb that is bruised or broken it takes the time to rest. I think don’t force yourself. Like you wouldn’t force a broken leg to walk before the bone has healed. Then slowly, with small goals and things you enjoy. Not things you used to enjoy before or you think would be good for you. Just let your curiosity drive you, and even when at some point you will be able to read a magazine article or watch a ted talk with interest maybe share what you learnt with someone. Even if it is trivial thing you learnt. And I think with time it’ll go back to normal. But be patient and don’t rush, neither feel bad or abnormal or damaged. This is our brain telling us we are processing something and we are just exhausted. With muscles, I train people, they break. The muscle has to break and what makes it stronger is the healing. The rest. If you rest a muscle enough it’ll become stronger. If you don’t you’ll either get an injury or work to exhaustion for very little gain. I think this is phase of recovery from deep trauma. X

    • #63841
      anotherlife
      Participant

      Hi fridges. I am just like you (but still with my husband until I get out).
      My memory is dreadful. I can’t read a magazine or book and remember what was on the page before. I get very little sleep.
      I have 2 children so I have to keep going for them but I don’t go anywhere or do anything for me. I often home about being a hermit, I never make arrangements to see people anymore.
      I honestly thought it was just me. I thought being made redundant and being in this situation at home had made me feel low and this was a part of it all.
      I know he has zapped all my confidence though. I know most things that he says are wrong but he’s still managed to get to me so many times with his nastiness and feelings of superiority.
      I’m so cynical now though and feel I can see exactly what he’s up to. He’s so transparent.
      But I need strength to get out.
      Hopefully we will all recover slowly from all this. I do believe that by being kind to ourselve and trying to relax will help a great deal, it’s just very hard for me to relax while living here and him winding me up.
      Thank you for posting this as I thought it was just me and that I’d just keep getting worse.
      Keep looking forward x

    • #63844
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Strength and love to you all

      Its been helpful for me on my own journey to hear all these same symptoms. It really gets me when I can’t even follow the weather forecast to the end!

      The crying, the hopelessness, the nightmares, the hiding away, I want it to be different and be one of those strong women who seem to shake it off after short time but sadly not me.

      Warmest wishes for recovery for all xx

    • #63873
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      Hi Fridges,

      I am the same with things I need to concentrate on. I used to be a really good student and could always concentrate and do well on things but since everything has happened I can’t concentrate for long, I get distracted and in particular, feel angry and impatient with many things. Someone even suggested I might have ADHD and sometimes I wonder if I have somehow developed it because I don’t remember being like this at school. I’ve done a couple of online courses this year and struggled with concentration, procrastination and impatience constantly. But I just did them anyway and allowed myself to do them not as well as I usually would, as I still got quite a lot out of them.

      Like you, manual things like gardening, writing, drawing, sewing etc help me tremendously. I can zone out and not have to think when I do manual things. So maybe focus on those for now, rest like the others have said, and maybe go on a nice trip to the library and see if any books appeal? Nothing too heavy, it could just be a beautiful inspiring illustrated book, or a new recipe book, or an easy fiction novel, youth fiction, a graphic novel (like a sort of comic book) or an audio book. Podcasts have helped me a lot this year too. We can’t return immediately to our old concentration level as we have sustained one big or multiple emotional and psychological injuries but slowly we can build on our abilities and heal.

    • #63880
      LookingForAnswers
      Participant

      at the moment this is very much me.
      im at work and have no focus. I cant really take any time off as recently had a load (unrelated) and OH will want to know why.
      even writing this is hard.
      use to read, bake just nothing at the moment.

    • #63907
      itmustbemesurely
      Participant

      I am the same too, I have had to make some huge decisions and can’t I doubt everything about myself, I can’t concentrate, can’t think, just what to curl up under the duvet and cry. I shake am physically sick, can’t get my breath, and long to be happy again. I feel like he destroyed every ounce of my being – to begin with I was running on adrenaline, and as this has gone from me I feel a wreck and all over the place – it’s so b****y hard, when will it end! sending love x*x

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