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I received an email from my (detail removed by Moderator). Basically it’s a ‘turn it all round on me, pretend to be the victim’ thing because I told people in authority what he is up to. (detail removed by Moderator)
First I felt instantly sick and my legs turned to jelly, but I tried hard to distract myself from the anxiety and talk myself down. I started a reply which was me justifying my actions and feeling helpless.
Then I got angry and rewrote it having a bit of a rant about how sick of it all I am.
I then had a wonderful realisation that it’s all nonsense which I can choose not engage with at all! I have now written a polite but assertive response to say that I do not wish either option and can see no positive benefit from reading or discussing the letter. The only relevant point here is that he is still breaking the rules and upsetting the children.
I don’t care what he has to say, I don’t want to hear it. I’m bored of his c**p. I was so worried about not being able to think clearly enough for myself without my counsellor giving me permission to be strong, but I can! (detail removed by Moderator) -
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I feel a bit silly now! My friend checked it for me and it was a different letter altogether. I think the anxiety from being assertive with her and the fear of getting drawn into any debate with the ex clouded my mind and I panicked. So much for thinking clearly lol! I suppose being assertive, especially to those in authority, will take practice but at least I’m doing it!
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You are increasing in strength and self assurance, this is clear from your reaction to him. His words and actions are becoming less fear inducing and more manageable. And as the time goes on even further the stronger and more able to cope you become, eventually he should become a nuisance you can just brush aside.
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It is a really powerful feeling, that you are coping better, feeling better and thinking more clearly. That anything to do with the ex is becoming more of an irritation rather than an object of terror. I think time is what helps us to achieve that.
I have noticed little things with myself lately, I am beginning to view what I had with him in more of a compact self contained way, previously it was my whole life and of catastrophic proportions. I have thought recently ‘this is a man I was involved with for a while in my past’. This for me is progress. X*X -
Yes I think for me it’s slowly becoming less personal, more objective. I fully understand his tactics and mode of operating so I waste no time needing to work them out. This means I think of him less. I’m starting to suddenly realise I have periods of time when I haven’t thought about him or the situation for for an hour or two. That feels great xx
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