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    • #104550

      Hello all,
      Just hoping for some advice or signposting today if possible. I left my abusive ex (removed by moderator) years ago. I was completely broken at the end and over time and lots of therapy I’ve found my newer self. I’m in a relationship with someone I love deeply but if there’s ever any (normal) conflict I find it brings on my anxiety, panic attacks and most recently flashbacks. The triggers are all my ex and I’m not sure how to deal with it and move forward? I have a daughter with my ex so unfortunately I still have to deal with him, albeit in a limited capacity but I still feel at risk of him. My boyfriend looks after me but I can’t switch off the highly alert feeling I have whenever I have to deal with my ex. This has got worse over lockdown too.
      Does anyone know how to deal with flashbacks? Where I can go for forums or face to face meetings to discuss? Thanks and stay safe all. X

    • #104553


      The advice I was given was to ground myself…what can I hear, smell, what different colours I can see. Also, there’s the butterfly hug, I don’t think I’d be able to explain it very well but it should be on the web.

      I also found a website, beauty and bruises which covers PTSD and disassociative episodes (I’ll double check the name as I have a terrible memory!)……its beauty after bruises (nearly got it right!)

      I have also found the yoga pose of child’s pose really helpful along with square breathing (in to the count of 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 or whatever breathe count works best for you).

      These are my go to’s when panic sets in.

      Is you doctor helping you access therapy? Feel free to PM me xx

    • #104556

      Hi, thanks for your reply and I’ll be sure to check the website out. From my therapy grounding is great and box breathing too for panic attacks but with flashbacks it’s like my body lifts up and goes somewhere else (where the trauma was) so I don’t feel in my own body if that makes sense. Thankfully on this occasion I was with my boyfriend and he helped ground me but I was screaming and totally unable to unfreeze myself to do it alone. Well that’s how it felt anyway. I’ve not heard of the butterfly one so I’ll check that out too.
      My therapy was with the nhs and I had 18 sessions which I was told was the max allowed. On the whole I’m ok day to day now, I have ups and downs but when the nightmares or flashbacks happen I feel a bit lost at sea as to what to do next. I don’t feel rehashing it back in the service is useful as I feel like I’m past the early trauma but need help with the future management.
      Thanks also for the PM offer. X

    • #104579
      Main Moderator

      Hello Freedom-Fighter,

      Firstly, welcome to the forum.
      These emotions you are struggling with are normal and for every women, it takes time to heal and move on from an abusive relationship. It sounds that even though you’ve been separated for four years, you are still having to have a level of contact and feel he uses this as a way to continue his abuse towards you. Unfortunately we know this is fairly common.
      You could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200, or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.
      No Panic is a membership support group providing services to people suffering from panic attacks, phobias, obsessive compulsive disorders and general anxiety disorders. They provide telephone support groups and 14 week telephone therapy courses which offer coping strategies for people who live in isolated or rural surroundings. Postal strategy courses are available as well. Information is available in various formats for small costs on the website. They can be contacted on 0808 808 0545, http://www.nopanic.org.uk.
      You may also want to contact your local domestic abuse service if you want to discuss your options around your ex-partner’s current behaviour during child contact. You can find you local servcie here.
      You may also want to talk with Rights of Women or the children’s legal advice service, Coram for any legal guidance on where you stand with any child contact issues.
      I hope this helps,
      All the best and take care,

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