Punched at work – old anxieties resurfacing

[Grey Rock]

Hi,

As part of my work I have to manage a very violent teenager. He’s hurt lots of colleagues. (detail removed by Moderator) I knew it was a matter of time before I would be in the firing line and the inevitable happened (detail removed by Moderator). I got through the day and kind of came out at mentally raging when I got home (detail removed by Moderator). Images of what I would do if someone hurt or abused me. Graphic violent images replayed over and over. This isn’t me. I’m not a violent person I hate having those thoughts.

Over the weekend I’ve kind of refused to think about it at all. Just kinda “laalaalaa”ed any thoughts about work away. But I didn’t sleep much last night and the thought of going to work this morning was too much. I’ve been very tearful but also cross with myself for being weak.

There is never any consequences for the young man as he has special needs, and I appreciate that work want to help him and his family, but at what cost to everyone else?? He’s also hurt other young people I work with. I’ve worked there for many years, and don’t want to throw my job away, but at the same time it was so hard to get out of my abusive relationship, and I didn’t go through all that to go to work and be in fear.

People talk about fight and flight but I tend to just freeze. I can’t move or think clearly. I was emotionally and mentally frozen for so long with my abuser and when I left. Since I got punched I’m feeling that debilitating freeze again. I’ve phoned in sick today. Lied and said sickness bug as I don’t want feel up to talking in detail with them. I feel like I’m so weak. Lying to avoid work for goodness sake. But I AM scared of getting hurt. I was lucky on (detail removed by Moderator) that it wasn’t more serious injuries, and don’t want to rusk spoiling my new life of freedom by getting more seriously injured. I know they won’t do anything to change things.

Work were very supportive when I moved last time so I feel I owe them some loyalty. But I don’t feel safe there.

Sorry if I’m waffling.

GR

[Wants To Help]

Hi Greyrock,

So sorry to read that you have been assaulted at work and are feeling like this.

Being assaulted is never okay, no matter where it is, and your feelings are very valid and real. You are not weak at all. Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn are the four responses to a spontaneous incident, and no one ever knows what they will do until faced with it. That’s why I will never judge anyone for what they have or haven’t done, and can never confidently say to anyone “well, if I’d have been in that situation I’d have done x, y or z.” There are times in my life when I’ve done things I’d have never thought I’d have done, and times when I thought I’d have done something but never did.

There are some jobs that carry a higher risk of harm than others; police, paramedics, nurses, care workers for example, but this still doesn’t make it okay to get assaulted. If the young person you look after has mental capacity then his ‘special needs’ are no excuse to assault you, however, I do understand why people tend to give extra leniency and benefit of the doubt, just as they do when they are dealing with abusive people who have mental health issues or drug/alcohol addictions. We always say that these are not a reason to abuse or be violent with people and we should not tolerate violence because of it. What we have to look at is mental capacity. Does the person know what they are doing and have the capacity to choose whether to assault or not?

Your workplace have a duty to safeguard you. Whether they will do something about this or not is down to your management team, not you. Your job is to highlight the risk of this person and to let your management team know what he has done to you and how it has affected you. If this person has a history of assaulting staff then he is clearly not being managed appropriately. Extra safeguarding may mean that he is always attended to by a minimum of a certain number of staff at all times. I know this will mean extra costs, and often businesses just do the minimum and hope for the best, but at what risk? If this person goes on to seriously assault someone causing life changing injuries or death then there will be a serious case review and your employers would be under heavy scrutiny.

If this person does have mental capacity then the assault on you at work needs to also be reported to the police as a criminal assault. You are a victim of a crime and you can ask to be referred to Victim Support for someone to speak to about how you are feeling. The assault needs to be ethically recorded, you do not need to wish to pursue an investigation. If other staff have also reported the assaults to the police then this can assist in a referral to your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub (MASH) about a joint agency approach how to manage this young man’s care and reassess his needs for his own safety and the staff who care for him. It is not all about criminalising him.

My advice to you would to be honest with your employers about the reason you are off sick. Assaults at work can lead to stress at work and prolonged sickness, and often PTSD. Your HR record needs to reflect what has happened to you accurately should this affect you being able to continue in your employment. If you generally enjoy your job and are good at it then you should not have to leave it out of fear if more can be done to protect you. Are you a member of a union? If so, speak to someone from there about your concerns. It is good that your employers have been good to you in the past, but loyalty to them now should not come at the expense of your own health and mental health.

Please do not think that this incident has only affected you this way because you have also been in an abusive relationship. I know many people who have been assaulted at work and are in happy, healthy relationships but the assault has affected them badly.

I hope you are feeling better today x

[Grey Rock]

Thanks for taking the time to respond WTH. .The young person has the capacity to understand what he’s done and he apologizes. He doesn’t have the impulse control or ability to recognize when he’s not behaving safely at the time though. He’s been like it for years but of course now he’s adult size and very strong so he’s got the potential to cause a lot of harm. It’s easy for him to pick up and throw furniture and overpower staff. At times he can be delightful but we tread on eggshells with him mindful that anything could quickly cause him to escalate into violence. Of course that in itself brings up horrible feelings as that’s what my life with my ex was like.

He has 2 staff with him all the time, and his own room opposite the classroom. His own timetable that is flexible so we can accommodate him as much as possible. But as much as possible sometimes isn’t enough. I don’t know what else to do with him. Or what other provision could make a difference. I am at the end of my resources with to his young man to be honest.

I’ve tried to contact the school to speak to someone a few times today but no luck so far. I’ve also emailed the union but they haven’t got back to me yet.

I think I’m going to do as the doctor suggested and take the rest of this week. I will use the time for school admin that I’m behind on due to constantly sorting things out for that one pupil. My other pupils have their own special needs and I can try and think about them instead of dwelling just on him.

I was thinking of relocating early next year and if I leave my job it would open up exciting new possibilities I suppose. One thing I learned from leaving my ex is that we can get a rainbow without some rain. Maybe this will just be what I need to be more courageous about my future. Change can be a good thing.

GR

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