7th February 2022 at 10:54 am #138497ChocolatebunnieParticipant
My husband is low, and not coping well with life in general he does have some bereavement issues. I do feel sorry for what he is going through.
He isn’t as patient as he can be especially with our second from youngest. It’s seeming as if child’s getting the blame for quarrels with the youngest child and is getting lots wrong in dads eyes.
In general my husband isn’t being patient and I notice my child backchatting, I do get involved I intervene and even supervise as I am not comfortable.
With the backchatting, my child was told off again by dad. My child responded by explaining he was talking to dad in the same unkind way was being spoken too.
During the day it turns out husband tapped or smacked child arm as was not doing as told. I did not witness this was told later and child knows it’s not something I feel is right.
My children are good quiet well behaved and don’t need to be reprimanded like this.
I do not believe in any physical punishment and so not only do I feel upset for my child but disrespect towards me.
Husband swaps between weed and drink and gaps where he does not have either. Usually the gaps are very different as he is a addict there has always been a form of addiction in one way shape or form.
Your thoughts please, no marks were left and child appears physically ok. As I did not see what happened I’m presuming it was a light smack, I know people have different views on punishing and the law is very vague in England to what is acceptable.
I find this is a trigger for me having grown up with DV and it’s obviously not sitting comfortably.
8th February 2022 at 8:58 pm #138612LisaMain Moderator
I’m very sorry to hear what has happened, both for your child and for you.
In section 58 of the Children Act 2004 it states that “It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.” You can read more about this here. This obviously begs the question ‘how is reasonable punishment defined?’. It is relevant that it doesn’t feel ok for you, so I would trust your instinct regarding how you need to protect and support your children.
Women’s Aid believe that all children and adults have a right to enjoy an environment that is safe, caring and free from fear and abuse. We also know there are close links between domestic abuse and child abuse. So the behaviour by your husband towards your children is of concern. His substance abuse issues or bereavement do not excuse abusive behaviour towards you or your children.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Thank you for posting and do post again to let us know how you are,
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