Put awkward position

[Bubblegum]

Hi Ladies.My oldest child is going on a Once life time school trip abroad soon .It wasn’t cheap but I managed to get the money for him to go .His Dad my abusive Ex has given a very small amount towards trip .My Ex does not have a proper relationship with his kids due to his behaviour.He Just turns up now again trying to act the good dad .He has recently messaged me asking details regarding trip as he wants to wave his child off .When he first messaged me I didn’t know the details .Hw messaged me again to say he’s been doing lot overtime work wise but can Just about pay boys maintenance and he can’t afford anything else .So other words he can’t give me any money towards trip .( my Ex is working on a good payed job .He also has a nice little drug habit ) He then said in message for me to ask our child if they want there dad to wave them off .When reading the message no supprise but it really made be mad .He does not act like proper Dad et he wants the glory etc .Ive always been honest with my kids so I will ask my child who is old enough do they want there Dad there to wave them off .I really think personally he is going to say no he does not want his dad there .Do I ignore his message and block him again .? Or once I’ve spokrn to my child to say that he does not want him to wave him off ? I think what ever I say won’t be right and he’ll make out I’m the bad one etc .I did block him before but gave him Benifit doubt but it just seems constant stress upset worry .Like I said he does not act like proper dad while he acts like this I just can’t deal with his pathetic excuses.I want to deal with this calmly and to show him that he has not bothered me as he is waiting for reaction good bad .He makes me physically sick .I feel sorry for our child having this fantastic opportunity and he’s got worry of what his Dad might do x

[KIP.]

Zero contact with these abusers is the only way to regain your mental health. How many times have you given him the benefit of the doubt? I would definitely just block him again. Totally. All he brings to the table is disruptive behaviour that triggers you. You don’t have to say anything to the kids. Just block your ex and let him get on with his drug habit. While you enjoy your children and the opportunities you work hard to give them x

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Kip .You always give good advice .You are right what you say whenever there is contact it’s normally negative .I did speak to my child who is at age where I’m quite open with and asked if he wanted his Dad to wave him off .His answer was he was not bothered either way .So you can imagine if I’d messaged him back said his child was not bothered either way about him being there .He would cause up roar so as you said going with my gut instinct is do not reply and block him again .If he was really that bothered I suppose he would contact our child’s school for details x

[Serenity]

I agree with KIP. Don’t respond. And block him.

This trip isn’t about him. He didn’t even hardly pay for it. This trip is about your son. He doesn’t need the power games. He needs to go abroad feeling happy and secure.

If your ex had proved himself as wanting to be a good, present father, then things may be different. But as you say, he’s not a trustworthy presence. He doesn’t deserve your attention.

Well done for getting the money together for your son.

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Serenity for your reply .Yours Kips reply spot on how I was feeling .As god As other friends are they don’t always get what your going through .I went to the meeting last night (detail removed by moderator) .Felt overwhelmed I’m able to give my child this fantastic opportunity something I’ve never experienced.On positive note I’ve managed help family working over time I’m able to have done it .Its Been very hard work but worth it .X*x

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