Putting plans into action

[Tuppance]

Hi
I rented a local storage unit today so I can gradually and discreetly move some things and buy some things ( thanks EBay!) and although I feel a bit guilty for being sneaky I am doing this for the kids and myself. I have decided to take nothing from our home apart from clothes and a couple of sentimental things so that when the kids come back here it will look the same. I think that will be easier than seeing gaps where furniture was?? Anyway, that’s today’s step forward. Xx

[AppleNinja]

Hi Tuppance,

That’s a funny coincidence. I’d just replied to your comment and then went on to Google personal storage near where I work. I’m taking the same first step. I’ve started sorting out my things at home under pretence of clearing it and then I want to sneak things out. But local storage seems very expensive, I find, so I might store things with my neighbours and have them picked up later by a friend in a car and transported to wherever I end up. Keep going!

[KIP.]

It’s good to plan but these men will give you nothing. It’s also risky. Is there a day when you know he won’t be about. I would plan to move all on one day and I would ask a police officer to come by in case he returns. Hire a van and take what you can because once you leave you will not be allowed anything from them. They won’t pay you a penny either. They will be completely unreasonable, nasty, vindictive once their pleadings are ignored. Take as much of the kids stuff as you can. You want them to feel at home where you are. If you take more than you need, you can return stuff if you want to but you will get nothing from him. You’ll be lucky if he allows the kids to being clean underwear.

[WalkerInTheRain]

I pretended I was sorting the house out and was getting rid of stuff I didn’t want anymore.
In reality, I was packing up the things I wanted to keep.

I kept sentimental things, things I owned (or were gifted) that were financially valuable, enough clothes to keep me going and important documents. The kids will probably need more than you will just to keep some normality.
I also moved out in secret when I knew he wouldn’t be around. I genuinely couldn’t predict how he might react so thought this was safest and gave me enough emotional distance from the situation.

You will find a way to set up again. It won’t always be ideal but it’s a hell of lot better than how you are at the moment.
x

[Tuppance]

Thanks Apple and KIP. It feels like a good bit of security to have somewhere to hide my stuff and my parents know so to all under their address – Apple it cost £12.00 per week where I am . – container on a farm yard – maybe there is something similar you might see when you drive around?? I would like to think he won’t be nasty as he is being extra nice at the moment but that’s because he thinks I am trying. What I am doing is trying to escape so I can get better and give my kids and happy and carefree life. When the poop hits the fan he could well get nasty but my mum said – what’s the worst he can do? Prepare for that and the rest will not be so bad?? I am go to theirs too if I need to for a few weeks but it is much farther for the kids to get to their school. He always promised if our marriage came to an end that we would deal with it reasonably but he proved that wouldn’t be the case when I told him it was over a few months back. I don’t want anything from the house – they are all full of memories that I want to move on from and he can’t say I have bless him dry. I want to be able to hold my head up knowing I have not taken him for what I am due. This storage key is now my most prized possession !! X*x

[Tuppance]

Dear Walker in the Rain – sorry, I think ourbposts crossed! I would love to move out in secret but I don’t think that would work for the kids and I do feel sorry for him. I don’t want to hurt him and yet he has hurt me so much so I shouldn’t really care I suppose. I just hate communicating with him. His presence sends my anxiety and stress through the roof and it is silly because he was never physical with me but gosh he can cut me down with just a few simple words and how he says them. I am scared of him but not for the fear of my safety – for the fear that I will completely break down. Thanks for your support x*x

[KIP.]

Tuppance, I know you will do what you feel is best because you don’t want to hurt him. As soon as he knows you’re serious and have somewhere to go his behaviour will go off the scale. It would be better for the kids not to drag this out. Do not tell your husband of your plans until your new place is up and running. Even then, tell him in a public place then leave. Don’t give him the chance to trap you and abuse you in front of the kids. Do not make the mistake of thinking he will be reasonable. He has shown you his true colours…. Believe him ❤️

[Author]

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