Question for anyone thats been through it.

[Random.]

How traumatizing is court?

[KIP.]

Hey, it depends on how far along in recovery you are. Some women find it empowering and want to face their abuser. It was mixed for me, I wanted to hold him accountable but it meant re living the abuse and that causes anxiety. I wish I’d used a video link now which I’d really recommend. Talking about abuse is retraumatising for a long time after I found. But weight that up against letting a nasty dangerous abuser walk free and I had to do it. I don’t regret doing it but I’d have taken much more care and had counselling and support in place too.

[Sunshineee]

For me, the thought of going to court was worse than actually being there. First arriving it’s a little daunting, your nervous etc which is normal. You can request a screen around the perpetrator or you can do it via video link in another room so you don’t have to see them. The police were amazing with me, the detective never left my side she held my hand (literally) through the entire thing. The judge was lovely and polite to me and all the staff made me feel very at ease, everyone was on my side. It’s a very powerful thing to do, being able to speak out and go to court and powerful is what you’ll feel afterwards. Lots of love and good luck to you x

[Random.]

Thanks both for replying. I feel literally sick and just filled with dread at the thought of it.
I feel very much as though I’m still in love with him even though I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since he was put on remand. It’s such a strange feeling to be completely still weak to him & he’s not even been around. I just think that as soon as I see him I will just crumble. It’s such a strange irony that I long for him back & would do anything to be back with him, but I am going to be the one standing in front of him giving evidence against him..
If you don’t attend Crown court when you’ve been called does anything happen to you?

I’m so glad you both have had the strength to go through court & speak out against your abusers. You’re very inspirational & strong women & should feel so proud of yourselves.
I only hope I can be as resilient as you both have been.
R X

[KIP.]

Hi, you’re still trauma bonded to him but you don’t have to see him or hear him or be anywhere near him. All you’re doing is telling what happened to you. Talk to victim support and let them help you. My court citation said I may be arrested if I didn’t turn up but that’s what they put on them all I think. Not sure what would happen but before it gets to that please try to get reassurance x

[Elsie]

I went to court (detail removed by moderator) When they called my name to go in I was scared, I cried and didn’t want to walk into the room. But I had people there with me the whole time, I was really well looked by the witness service people. I had a screen around me so he could only hear me speak, not see me and I didn’t have to see him either. They actually clear the court room, then you enter stand behind the screen, and then they bring everyone else back in, including the perpetrator. So you don’t have any contact with the perpetrator. All the staff were really respectful. The barrister kept asking me if I was okay when I was speaking, and said I can take a break anytime I want. Yes, it was probably the most terrifying thing I’ve done in my life, but I’m only young. Having said this, after I came out of the room I felt really empowered and good that I had the chance to speak my truth. I hope this helps, stay strong x

[Author]

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