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    • #110595
      newsofa2
      Participant

      I’m new to the forum. I’ve recently left a marriage and currently trying to sort out divorce papers but I’m asking myself if it was really abuse or maybe I just made it up in my head. I was not hit and I managed my own finances but there were things there I ignored for almost (detail removed by Moderator).

    • #110597
      Headspinning
      Participant

      Hi
      If you think it was it probably was. Write down as many incidents as you can remember, it soon mounts up.
      Verbal abuse, gas lighting – that’s all abuse.
      Did you walk on egg shells? Did you change your behaviour to avoid negative reactions?
      Abusers are great at minimising their actions and making us feel like we are as bad – when we are often only reacting to their Treatment of us.
      Read Why does he do that, by Lundy Bancroft. Great book that will open your eyes.
      I wasn’t hit either – probably because he knew if would be a total red line – and I had control of my finances. But I still look back and know the treatment was not ok.
      Anyway – it doesn’t matter either way – you don’t have to give it a label to justify leaving a relationship that was making you unhappy!
      Your brain is probably minimising as a coping strategy / the list will help keep you strong xx

    • #110601
      Beautifulday
      Participant

      If you feel something was wrong it usually is, your gut feeling is always right and we should listen to it. Im like you in that i constantly doubt and have second thoughts its only because of the lovely support on this forum that I’m able to bring myself back to reality, so I keep coming here when I can to get strength and clarity. You are very strong and should be extremely proud of yourself ! I really hope I can be in your position where I have courage to leave.

      Do you want to talk about the things that you ignored? Maybe some of us can relate and give you clarity that yes it was abuse, talking here has been a lifesaver to me x*x

      • #110603
        newsofa2
        Participant

        Headspinning, you hit the nail on the head. Everything you state is what I went through. I had specific reactions to each form of abuse but I thought it was dealing with a marriage and not abuse.

        Beautiful day, thank you and I’ve had amazing people support me, pre and post leaving.
        I remember an incident involving a friend in my home. She was traumatised and told me so but I waved it aside as another marriage hurdle to jump especially is Christian circles. It hit me yesterday that it was the norm to me and that’s why I was able to not see it as abuse unlike my friend that experienced it for the first time and was instantly traumatised.

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