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    • #119656
      Catjam
      Participant

      I have finally reached out to a solicitor. I am having a call next week. They list domestic abuse in their advert but as mine is very much emotional and not physical are there any questions I need to ask?

      Hubby is being helpful suddenly. I came home from work and he had cleaned the living room. Fixed some things that have needed doing for months.

      His mask does slip though, nature will always win out. Especially as our youngest has moved home, he still doesn’t speak to her and he clearly doesn’t like how she and I are together.

    • #119659
      KIP.
      Participant

      Emotional abuse is still a crime and for me was much worse and longer lasting than physical so make sure you mention this. It’s also a red flag as the emotional abuse often turns to physical when we end a relationship.
      I would be asking what evidence I need to gather now. If you’re divorcing on unreasonable behaviour then what’s needed. What are you entitled to financially? What evidence do you need for an occupation order to get him out the house as you don’t want to be living with him while separating. Would you qualify for legal aid as there’s domestic abuse involved. If I was you I’d start hiding money because you will both be asked to declare any money you have. I stupidly declared everything while he had hidden thousands and then lied about it. So start giving money to someone you trust.

    • #119683
      Catjam
      Participant

      Thank you will make a note of those. The solicitor I contacted has just informed me that their hourly rate is over £200 per hour. That has freaked me out. I can’t afford to fight him at that level.

    • #119685
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      Catjam, can you get a free initial consultation? I’m not sure what services are available where you are but I would look into legal aid too.
      Also, emotional abuse is domestic violence. Solicitors who work with survivors will have had experience with it and can be more helpful.

    • #119715
      Catjam
      Participant

      I will have a look thank you.

    • #119748
      KIP.
      Participant

      You may qualify for legal aid because there’s domestic abuse involved. Ring Rights of Women and contact your local woman’s aid x get a free initial consultation from a couple and see what you think.

    • #119834
      maddog
      Participant

      Rights of Women have a fantastic website and a brilliant helpline. If you are safe to call them, be persistent. Keep redialling until someone picks up. If you don’t manage to get through, try another time.

      My ex’s solicitor’s company states that they understand domestic abuse. They understand how to be a perpetrator. You may find cheap help from Just Answer. Citizen’s Advice often have a solicitor attached to them as well.

      The Domestic Abuse team on 101 should be able to advise you as well.

      I went through hell and high water with my solicitor. Ultimately she was amazing, and my ex came out quite badly. There’s a really good course run by The Court Said called Court Confidence. It’s geared at people dealing with an abuser in court.

      You’ll get there

    • #119840
      Eggshells
      Participant

      My ex’s solicitor actively enabled the abuse to continue; she even seemed to encourage it to scare me into giving up my right to a fair deal. It might be a good idea to ask your solicitor how they would deal with an extremely aggressive solicitor on the other side and how they will shield you from that.

      If money is tight, also ask about payment plans.

    • #119879
      Catjam
      Participant

      Thank you all so much xx

    • #119976
      Catjam
      Participant

      I sat and waited all very anxious and nothing. The solicitor was ringing me at a pre arranged time and she hasn’t. I had explained my situation in an e-mail and that I needed a definite time when I knew he wouldn’t be in. So now I am still none the wiser and annoyed that when I finally pluck up the courage to seek help, i am let down. Especially as I would have been paying £220 an hour.

      • #119996
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi Catjam,

        This is very disappointing and understandable you feel let down. I am sorry this happened. Do you feel able to contact them for a follow up or do you have details of any other solicitors to contact?

        Best wishes,

        Lisa

    • #120000
      Catjam
      Participant

      I don’t think I will contact the same one, it’s just frustrating as it took a lot to actually get in touch with one. It seems a really simple thing but I found it hard to do.

      • #120008
        Hetty
        Participant

        It takes a lot of courage. I felt sick to my stomach and still do with every step I have to take like contacting the bank etc. Takes me weeks to build up to it. I just do one thing, take the step no matter how much it hurts, let the pain pass then onto the next. You’ve got this. You’re making massive progress even just by making enquiries. Be proud and be kind to yourself xx

    • #120001
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Oh honey. It takes so much courage to start the ball rolling. This is the last thing you needed.

      It might be just as well this happened right at the start. You need to know you have a solicitor that can be relied on and uts easier to find a new solicitor now than half way through the process.

      Don’t be afraid to ask for recommendations from friends that have been through divorce. I was too embarrassed to let anyone know what was happening so I didn’t ask. It later turned out that two of my friends had used my solicitor and changed away from her. Wish I’d known that from the start.

    • #120007
      Catjam
      Participant

      I will try some of the options mentioned on here. I’m a little down anyway which isn’t helping. Started counselling and while I am finding it helpful it’s also raising more questions and anger.

    • #120018
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi Catjam, I agree it’s better to have found this out just now. Obv this solicitor knows nothing of DA or would have made more of an effort to keep the appointed time. You’re so right in recognising the stress doing something like this arises in us. It’s doing something that takes us further away from their control, its takes courage to take those steps. Try and have a treat for yourself after doing each task, anything that will cheer you up, reward you for being brave. Be aware that you may feel very down when you do do things that take you further away from the abuse. These are totally normal reactions.
      Have faith in yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself either.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

    • #120022
      Catjam
      Participant

      Thank you all for your support. X*x

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