14th October 2020 at 1:44 pm #115167BeautifuldayParticipant
Its me again just having a bad day today.
After contacting a solicitor (detail removed by moderator) to file for divorce which took me so long to do ad I didn’t have courage, I felt strong and confident, he still doesn’t believe I have the courage to do it the letter hasn’t arrived yet I think it will take a few weeks.
Anyway this week I’m not doing so good I’ve dipped hugely to the point I’m not eating , im anxious , im not sleeping. I feel this huge amount of guilt and I don’t know why and my brain just doesn’t seem to switch off im constantly thinking what if I’ve made a huge mistake, what if im throwing it all away? Whats if I’ve been hasty i know all these things are just me worrying and I know I’ve made the right choice why then am I having these thoughts they plague me constantly!
Also I’ve been having flashbacks of good times , from various holidays our wedding good times where maybe we were happy these are constantly also flooding my thoughts.
Then I’ll get flashbacks of abusive incidents and I cant seem to get rid of these either, this has been since the weekend my mind is just constantly racing.
Then im thinking what do I tell people in work who think we have a perfect marriage will they believe me, I know its none of their business im just worrying about everything:( telling me family etc.
We are still living in the home together and im worried about Christmas what on earth do I do then? When the divorce will not doubt be underway, im going to feel so so guilty I just don’t know what im going to do,. Sorry for this post I just felt I had to have a little outburst
15th October 2020 at 8:40 pm #115234LisaMain Moderator
Please don’t be sorry for your post, the Forum is always here for you to offload your thoughts and feelings. I hope it helped to share.
You are doing really well, you have taken huge steps towards ending the relationship.
15th October 2020 at 8:59 pm #115236BuddyParticipant
Hi Beautifulday .. u are doing so well , I am guessing the way you are feeling is why women keep going back .. don’t fall into that trap
I have no experience of this or advice really , just be strong and take each day as it comes x
15th October 2020 at 9:25 pm #115237BettertimesaheadParticipant
When my husband left after (detail removed by Moderator) awful days culminating in him being arrested , not for abuse, I was totally going for divorce. Then after a few weeks I thought ok, let’s try a separation, give him a chance to change. Fortunately I think for me he then got involved in another incident and that for me was it. I emailed my solicitor that day and filed for divorce. I have had v similar emotions to you, but when I weaken I read my very long list I wrote of incidents,lies , etc and I know my decision was right. He is currently making things v difficult, as expected, but I will come through stronger and so will you.
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