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    • #34942

      Ladies, I read through, mostly daily, day & night your posts, for your support, which always makes me feel better, I feel connected you all, even through your tag names, Serenity, Jupiter, P, Lover of No contact, Dragonfly, abcxyz, and all of you, too many to mention all your names!

      I want us to be able to voice what we have been through, collectively in some way, do you think it would help our recovery?
      Possible ideas, and NONE of these are us voicing our stories, in person!…and I have no idea, yet (no doubt the great Womens Aid will let us know! 🙂 if any ideas are do-able, to raise more money for their funds…to support their amazing work and help women & children find their ways to a better life, free from absue.

      I find each womans journey SO powerful, we care about each other, thats amazing in itself!
      what do you think about,
      …a play, a bit like ..’talking heads’, our stories are told by women actors
      obviously this would need lots of work and… Obviously Totally annonymous

      The other basic idea is a book, which would need to be thought out, poems, pieces of writing, womens stories, illustrations…anything we wanted to get out there, it could be international, linked to other womens support charities? May have been done already?

      only ideas, but they could be powerful if used properly real & honest what women & children suffer.
      Voices that are sometimes other wise silent, and make small steps, to break the silences and pain.

      I realise some will no doubt say its not a good idea, I think it would be… in some format, maybe something different whatever it is, lets share any ideas..

      what do you think?? whatever happens, even if it doesnt happen, I just wanted to tell you my thoughts.
      We are too precious to be silenced, and many of us will never have our day to speak about this, ever.

      C x

    • #34943

      Hey Cuppa, I wholeheartedly agree.

      This forum is the one place in the world where I have been able to be with people who have been through what I have, who won’t judge nor criticise. It is THE place that’s made me realise what I actually went through and if there’s some way that I could give back I’d love to.

      If there’s a way to educate those suffering how to get out let’s do it.

      If there’s a way to support the abused community let’s do it.

    • #34945

      I think that’s a fantastic idea. I also think it would help a lot of us. No idea how to achieve it though lol but the fact we’re all here is constructive in itself (for me at least). I know there’s fundraising for WA but tbh I’ve been so wrapped up in my own god d**n misery to think any further. When I first contacted WA by phone though I had an overwhelming feeling I should be giving something back to this amazing organisation.

      Maybe we could start off by creating another group (private group), on here or elsewhere??

      I love your post, you’ve totally nailed it, it’s what we’re all about……helping one another, understanding, empathy and being pro-active! XX

    • #34961

      Ladies, your response has put a big smile on my face!!!
      omg! the fact that we are together united in our recovery & being pro-active is AMAZING!!!!!!

      Well…there are many many things to consider, I’m not a book publisher or a drama teacher…but!
      …maybe Womens Aid know of publishers & drama connections?
      thats the first place that would give us feedback on any of this, this is only the begining of an idea, and no doubt all of you have your own thoughts and ideas about any of this &/or other things that you would like to talk about. as we would be a group.
      Obviously our posts are public already, obviously we would respect all survivors, and only women who wanted to be included would be. Everyones identity must be protected, thats a given.

      I’m thinking for starters, it could be an amazing teaching piece for young adults for social health education heighten awareness, and our legacy to future generations.
      prompt discussion about respect for women and children and responsibility & consequences of actions… all the issues we discuss…some of which Id never heard of until I read this forum..coercive control, trauma bonding, hoovering etc.

      Theres much to think about, good to talk…about the idea, and whatever happens the seed has been sown..who knows… we could really make this happen?!

      C x

    • #34962

      Great idea. I see no reason why we can’t do this.
      Raising awareness and educating is the way to change society and put an
      end to abuse

    • #34966

      agreed Lightness.

      I wonder if that would be the best starting point…educational,… shed light on abuse
      educate, and empower.

      Theres lots of written word already on this public forum, it could be edited and organised ( have no idea about the process).
      Food for thought, we would all need to put our heads together, with ideas etc…depending on our areas where we live, it maybe easier to gain interest & local support than others? EG. Community projects etc.

      ok ladies… lets all have a think! : ) cx

    • #34967

      A big yes from me too. As we know silence only breeds ignorance and more of the same.

      Long overdue!

      Jupiter x

    • #34970

      : )) lets DO-IT Ladies xx

    • #34988
      Peaceful Pig

      Hi Cuppa, I agree completely. I regularly have these same thoughts in various forms, but I guess the stumbling block for me is situation I find myself in post-abuse as a single parent, a difficult job and no family support meaning I’m have virtually no spare time and energy. I think this is the case for many of us. Ive been planning to write an article for my professions magazine but haven’t found the time yet, mostly due to my ex’s ongoing nonsense, maybe this year I’ll do it. Although I’m lucky I can raise awareness through my work it doesn’t seem enough, it isn’t enough and I’m always frustrated by the lack of awareness I see around me. I think a play that could travel round schools, highlighting emotional manipulation tactics, coercive control and active consent would be brilliant. Also being able to bring together the survivors living in the same community would help enormously so we can empower each other and work towards collective action in our local communities. As cutbacks threaten so many services, statutory and and voluntary, we need each other more than ever xx

    • #34993

      PP thanks for your helpful feedback, I know what you mean about time and other things taking over!

      …I think we all see this idea as a group effort, alone maybe we cant do as much, I think from the response so far… that collectively we can!

      I have emailed 2 theatre companies already just throwing it out there!

      If any members know of any theatre groups womens support groups, am dram, drama students, drama teachers actors … any thing or anyone! inter related, that would be able to take this idea and run with it…then we are half way there!

      Personally imagine a very powerful piece which can be interpreted in different ways…depending on the audience…

      If anyone can spare time to research any local drama possibities to approach…as a staring point emails are easily fired off. I will do the same. we can easily Direct message each other, any links/leads…lets just see whats possible. why not? feels empowering to try!

      it would be amazing to get this out there for fututre generations

      ‘Shine a Light’

      c x

    • #35050
      Main Moderator


      This sounds great but just a gentle reminder to keep yourself safe on the forum when discussing this.

      I would advise private messaging and as always avoid any identifying information.

      Best Wishes,

    • #35052

      Agreed no identity info.thats not an issue
      as we would be looking through the forum posts open to the public..a starting point..

      Anyone would need to direct message, is that safe?
      Do you know the ID of everyone on here?
      I’m concerned about posting now


    • #35069

      Cuppa, to add: there are two big things for me

      1. if I was more educated about abuse would I have recognised it and walked away from it earlier and

      2. What could a friend have said to me to open my eyes to the reality of my situation and get me out?

      For me, if we can fix these we can fix anything!

    • #35083

      Totally agree, I’ve posted those questions already in my own journey on this forum.

      I would include his friends and family, who obviously know his history far more than the new partner.

      They ring fence the abuser, ignoring or not facing facts.

      Now I know this from experience, many families, thats obvious also due to stats…its not ‘everyone’ else its us… its the next door neighbours, its people we know… and its emotional and financial as well as physical..I never knew that(detail removed by Moderator)

      It’s not like abusers come with references is it?! how do we know any of this? I had to piece it together like you all, confused…over many suffering years!

      The only thing I can do with this email as many theatre companies and drama schools as possible…and hope that other survivors will do the same.

      if one of us gets a result, then we are good to go with a project, in the end they have to respond.

      I will try my best & hope your all on board and will help to try to get this out there!

      Its worth a BIG try! : )


    • #35304

      There are movements already out there.
      Women’s Equality Party,
      Sisters Uncut, …

      I see the biggest problem in the silence of the entire society. The government does not invest enough money to raise awareness. They close refuges and charities. The support network for women has shrunk drastically over the last few years.

      We need to join local movements and let no doubt about our intentions to make ourselves heard. It is incredible how many women come out that they were abused too once we start speaking about it. They break their silence when we do. Their numbers are huge.

      Also, we need to educate ourselves. We need to learn how to speak in public, how to write books. We need to be open and loud about our experiences. There is no shame about it.
      No woman chooses to be abused.
      We are victims. Victims are innocent.
      No one will silence me with the survivor trap, that enables the ignorants to silence us.

      There is work to be done. If we want to be successful we need to work hard. We can take our time with this, because the trauma sits deep. The importance is the goal and to never loose sight of this goal.

      I for myself have been too traumatised to do much so far. But I have done a few things that were easy to do, such as interviews and writing complaints. And I will continue, because I will get better.

    • #35325


      I totally agree about women needing to make our voices heard in a safe way especially about the way we are abused and marginalised in our own society.A male society where male needs are a priority.I have thought for years that if men were abused as a way of life like us there would be a huge network of refuges all over the country with generous resources to help their recovery.Because we are second class citizens places like refuges and rape crisis centres are surviving on a shoestring which is a scandal.And here we are in an age of space exploration costing billions yet no finance for us just to live safely!
      Somehow we need to regain our sense of female community and own our sisterhood once more like the 70s and 80s.
      Sending supportive thoughts to all who need it.

      In sisterhood
      Jupiter XX

    • #35371

      Agreed! I know of feminist movements, & have met many powerful women who are inspiring & making great strides in a patriarchal society.
      That is a ongoing journey for women everywhere, for now, from the past and into the future generations.
      All women are responsible for making their voices heard and they do, in many different ways…and thank G for women….in support of each other.

      I think the initial spark of an idea for a piece of writing (or whatever form it takes…or none)is to generate and inspire another..platform …for women to be heard….so perhaps some of their words are not buried in the silence of abuse.

      We are all united in our support of each other, that’s a powerful movement in itself, even if that’s as far as it goes…we are able to talk freely and air our opinions, thanks to Womens Aid & each other.


    • #35523

      Hi Ladies!
      Can’t believe it…I’ve already had quite a positive response

      (Detail removed by moderator). 

      I took out the names &emails for obvious reasons.

      There’s another company who has forwarded me another Company so I’ll email this week…See what happens!

      C x

    • #35525

      Well done, Cuppa!

      Using a variety of platforms to raise awareness of DV is so important x

    • #35537

      At least it’s out there!
      …managed to get a few listeners..To hear our journeys


    • #35542

      Fantastic news! Wow–the power of the pen and many united voices!

      Jupiter x

    • #35549

      Jupiter & Serenity! Great isn’t it!
      It may come to something…or nothing…!
      Who knows?! They may take it forward or not
      …I’m pleased that at least we are being heard.

      Phew! What a crazy week !

    • #35579
      Main Moderator

      Hi everyone,

      I am really pleased for you Cuppa that you’ve had a response and that you’re inspired to try to take this idea forward. Of course Women’s Aid acknowledge the importance of raising awareness around domestic abuse, and there is no doubt that sharing the experiences of women on this forum would help to do that.

      However, I do have to request that you please continue this discussion via private messaging. This is for two main reasons; first, that I am concerned about information on here being potentially identifying, and second, because we have limited resources for moderating each post that is live on the forum.

      I hope you understand, and I encourage you to continue via private message, whilst still maintaining vigilance about privacy and safety.

      Please do private message me if you have any questions,

      Many Thanks,


      • #35714

        Hi Lisa,
        No problem at all, I tried to encourage private messaging…& there is NO way I could or would relay anything other than my experience, adding to that any messages that I have been sent with requests to spotlight a point…all in total annonymity
        …and as of yet nothing is going anywhere..regarding airing any material.
        I think the theatre company have requested my experience, that is all, and that for me is an amzing opportunity to hi light my hideous experience at the hands of an abusive man for more than a decade.

        My voice will be heard, its so important, as I’m sure your aware, for my recovery.

        I was listening to a podcast recently (after being recommended on here)from Laura Richards, who campaigned to get the coercive control law passed recently, and she, & I agree, too much focus is given to the perpetrator and their issues, in the big picture of the criminal world. Regarding murder cases of women in DV, the victims voice is slienced forever & gets entirely lost. I feel very strongly about that.

        Cuppa x

    • #35731

      Hi Cuppa and other ladies

      Happy re theatre contact and educating people about domestic abuse with all its long lasting wounds.I hope they do something powerful with the information.
      I agree about the injustice in the legal/criminal system .The support seems to lie with the criminal leaving the victim with no help justice or compensation. I have lived this black hole myself.Recently I have been watching a series of medical detective tv programmes and when the males have murdered or raped women we are shown that the criminals have suffered abuse as children! My thought is one of outrage: many people have also lived through the same without harming others. (detail removed by moderator)!! No mention of this help for victims though.When I wrote again to say this there was no reply!
      Like you I feel strongly about the crazy role reversal of criminal and victim. Its only a matter of time and survivors will have their day.

      • #35732

        Re recent post-its from Jupiter to cuppa and other ladies….

    • #36274

      It has crossed my mind several times that it would be great if there were role play sessions on non-violent abuse that SS people could experience first hand the abuse we suffer. That’s the only way they are going to get an inkling of what it’s like for us and then maybe they would start supporting us more effectively.

    • #36393

      Agreed Grateful!

      It’s so important to raise awareness, in whatever form.

      It’d be so powerful if women like us could deliver this to the world, for future change.


    • #36673

      Amazing women’s marches today across the globe…fills me with hope. Fantastic speakers standing up for our rights!

      Saw this theatre piece advertised on Twitter from the Coercive control Conference (detail removed by Moderator)

      A theatre piece & raising awareness.
      Also on the WA site there’s a pro active group making big strides…which includes Survivors.
      Thanks WA for being there for us all,
      your voices are our voices.

      C x

    • #37016

      Hi Ladies, my previous post was removed…fair enough as it posted a link to you tube..I’m advised may compromise your safety. Which is fair enough

      However raising awareness please do check out (detail removed by moderator) who is a abuse expert especially regarding gaslighting, in this instance.


    • #37059

      I think boys should have compulsory education in school to respect women. (Removed by moderator). 

    • #37091

      Agreed Ayanna!
      Respect is vital, respect ourselves & mutual respect of each other. Honesty & maturity.
      All the E’s …equality, education, empathy…
      Caring Loving & kindness….to name just a few positives …I see as life’s essentials.

      To help us be a reasonable balanced tolerant person ..who is a decent human being!

      Ps I was trying to post about a gaslighting topic to a name ..but it’s impossible on the public posts. No doubt there is loads of info on this, for us it’s important to share good links to raise awareness …& always safely..


    • #37921

      I found Certain Curtain ..are a UK theatre company actively dealing with DV issues, amongst others.
      There’s a new production of theirs re DV called Schools out, best check their website for further details.

    • #37968

      Hi Cuppa, I have started to write a poem about being a parent, I don’t want to make it all about him or the abuse, I want it to be about the positive things I have experienced as a parent in the aftermath, there will undoubtedly be a few lines referencing him, and the person I am now, so that the reader sees that this is what is born out of getting out; sadly I’ve lost my creative thinking at present, so all I have so far are the joys, the things we share and what I do for her, have quite a lot but turning these sentences into a poem right now feels like pulling teeth from my brain if that makes any sense. Would this be the sort of thing you would be interested in? If so I could PM it when its ready.

      I think the main problem with raising awareness and funds is that unless you have been there people just dont get it – and they would rather turn the other cheek. DA is neither cute nor sexy hey. It’s very sad that it only really gets the press when someone has died as a result hey. I agree with the above – a big part of it for me was finding the language for what was going on – so is it about doing something that educates what is abuse?

      However, some of the most powerful plays and films leave the audience in tears of laughter, aghast and feeling a great human sadness. There is undoubtedly some humour to be had as in most things, thinking of The Help or the film Quartet. I’ve had a few laughs on here with some of the ladies about some aspects, can imagine a play that engages the audience in laughter but also gives them cold sobering moments would be very powerful indeed, think this would be a good way to engage those who haven’t experienced it first hand, make them think. Entertainment could be a good way to reach those who might ordinarily go about their lives and never question their beliefs, prejudices, cheek turning, give a single thought about victims of abuse. I know some folk just think I’m strange, it would never occur to them that I am the way I am because of abuse – are we just odd bods to others at present? Do some people think not my problem? It would need to be very cleverly written wouldn’t it. Really think you may be onto something here.

      Imagine that some of the revenge stories would create some oh nos and some laughter maybe? Or some cheers when a type of karma comeuppance is served? Used to like Tales of the Unexpected with those sort of endings.

      Can imagine that anyone with celebrity status and a DA experience creates a human interest story and raises intrigue, but, for me, you may feel differently, it seems that even the celebrity women who have come forward some how get dismissed, not believed or blamed in someway, wouldn’t it be great to smash that in someway, or even chip away at it – it’s like a giant wall of social denial, I dont want to think about that, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to know about it, its your business not mine, it should be a private matter – still exists even today doesn’t it. DA is as old as time hey, we seem to have made some progress in making it everyone’s responsibility to protect our children – but still a way to go, but DA is still a taboo. I don’t think the world is ready for opening its eyes to DA but that certainly does not mean we shouldn’t try and shake that up hey x

    • #37970

      Hi Fizzylem!
      Great to hear this post, I think we are on the same page with this…there are many thoughts around raising awareness and many of my thoughts I’ve posted above.

      You know I’m saying the same I think there’s a ‘big wall’ as you say in society to push it to one side, I posted about this over the weekend.
      I read ladies posts..on here… being denied justice constantly apart from the horrific stats regarding women and children and their struggles, lack of empathy, disgraceful treatment, by not only their abuser, but within society!
      Raising awareness is a necessity for all in society, to as you say smash it or at least chip away at it..everyone seems to think its everyone else’s responsibility, not survivors…obviously.

      My ‘idea’ really is to just make an effort to contact anyone I can think of to at least listen, by even sending those emails to say ‘Hey we are here our lives matter, listen up, put our stories out there’…even if the reply is a ‘sorry there’s no budget’ …at least I’ve put it out there instead of this frustrating silence!

      I’m aware there are many organisations theatre companies and pro active people campaigning for justice for women and children WA Freedom programme many many others which is amazing.. they are changing the law and actively seeking justice on our behalf, through different ways.
      Theatre music plays poetry art all those creative areas maybe other ways that we could participate in…makes me feel like I’m involved in a positive action, a mix of stories the positive moments, and the reality, how amazing we all are! making big strides against the tide basically!

      As you say poetry is a great way to express yourself, for me it maybe art and so on…my point is there’s a lot of talented ladies and children who have had this experience and it would be so powerful in the healing journey, for some to express their journey.

      thanks for your reply, we are all so switched on here.. a great bunch of survivor sisters!..I’ve had the privilege of connecting too. Womens Aid is doing a great job for us,

      big hugs xC

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