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    • #100003
      hop
      Participant

      I don’t think I can do it any more. Being stuck in, not being able to do anything substantial to get these feelings down because there’s always kids in the f*****g house now 😥 I read what other people say about their situations and I can see a mile away it’s not them it’s clear abuse but I can’t see it myself. Why after all this f*****g time am I still doubting myself and disbelieving myself? I hate myself do much I can’t think of anything positive to say to myself because it all sounds like lies. I’m at the stage now that I don’t give a flying s**t what happens to me. I’m a terrible mother/person/friend/daughter/sister, you name it I’m awful at it. I hate this life, these feelings are weighing heavy. I can’t bring myself to go asleep because it’s like I have another life at night in my dreams. I live my past life over and over but with incredible violence and other things……i feel like I’m lying but it’s true. I woke up this morning shaking like a leaf. It took me hours to come down and now…..every night they’re getting worse every night something horrific happens to me. In my dreams everyone hates me. It’s affecting everything because it’s all so vivid I’m not sure if it’s happened. Sometimes it takes all day to shake the feelings. I think it’s getting worse in the morning because the awful stuff is building up and up and now I’m a wreck from the second I open my eyes. As soon as I close my eyes it’s like some sort of evil is in my brain that feels like the world is closing in on me and crushing me. I have nothing over the windows or else I feel like I’m in a prison……I don’t think I can keep going. I’m so heavily f*****g medicated why is this still happening to me 😢

    • #100044
      hop
      Participant

      I’ve had a huge row with my boss. I was so horrible and just blew my stack. I can’t say what it was about but I was being nasty and selfish. I’m sick to death of myself. I can’t just blow up at people all the time. I hate this life, I’m c**p at it 😢 there’s so much I need to get off my chest when I speak to my therapist but I’m not sure I have the strength

    • #100053
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Hey, spit it all out FF, call some helplines too, protect the people you don’t want to lose and friends – and your job? Lol. You don’t need to save it all up for therapy, there are others you can call on too.

      You are in a tough situation, its complex isnt it as you’ve always struggled with self esteem since childhhod, and now on top of this there’s the abuse, this is a head wreck! Self doubt is horrid.

      Your best way out of this is to practice self care everyday regardless of how you feel about yourself – it really does help to shift our mind set and leaves us really believing I am worth it. Its the best antidote to feeling worthless – and best of all you dont need anyone else to help here, you can take care of this yourself; means making a committment to it though, to yourself and seeing it through – this is the hard bit for a while x

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