13th December 2015 at 6:22 pm #6128bubblesParticipant
So dearest hubby messages after not seeing kids for a very long time. When can i drop the kids presents off? He messaged my mum my mum said she was not a “go between” and he had to message me!
I messaged him first since his only way to communicate is via social media and iv blocked him from all channels so i un blocked and messaged. I said he could drop the stuff at my mums and my dad was in all week. He asked if he could see the kids i said no chance but then spoke to my son who said he would like to.
I arranged a day where we would meet him and he can see his son for an hour. Daughter wanted to go but then changed her mind and said she’d be happy if she never saw him again (i think she scared of what he will do if she says no)
Anyway i’ll give you some back ground info for those that don’t know or have forgotten. I left hubby a number of years ago we have 2 kids his abuse was very low key but he basically neglected me and the kids and slept about hundreds of times. He saw the kids regularly for the first couple of years. He became aggressive toward others aswell as myself he was physically violent toward me and basically lost the plot.
Then he moved to a different city and he didn’t see the kids much he’d stop by the house if he was near and take them to the park one day he abducted them took them to a pub while he and his GF got drunk with her kids after driving round all day loosing my mind i found them. meanwhile he was abusing vunerable people physically left right and centre (he hit an elderly man, there was a woman he physically assaulted and finally he abused his GFs children who were on protection and ended up getting removed) SS came down like a tonne of bricks i signed something saying he couldn’t see the kids unsupervised.
So for a year or so after he saw them supervised but he was very hit and miss and we’d go months NC at a time. He’s start off being reasonable but would then passively aggressively rant at me under his breath and just behaved like a $%£&^ it caused too much stress.
My daughter at this point started talking of abuse she’d suffered when she was staying at the house how daddy would leave her in the flat alone for hours and how he strangled her brother (then only a baby) she talked about how she was terrified of him. She’s never spoken of any of this before. School heard and SS were back on the case. They were fine as contact was supervised but then i told them how his passive agressive rants were hurting me and causing stress and daughter was becoming unwell mentally due to being scared and him swanning in and out of their lives. SS advised NC at all but said they couldn’t impose it.
At christmas last year he brought stuff to my mums and heavily insulted my mum in her own house “accidentally” sending offensive texts to her phone while he was there. My mum lost it and her and my dad physically threw him out the house and chased him down the street.
Since then theres been 2 times he contacted me firstly to day happy bday to me secondly to ask if we could talk to which i ignored. then fake FB profiles started cropping up as people you may know there were 3 in total all in my sons name. the pictures on them, my husbands actual profile and his GF who also had another fake profile were similar.They weren’t normal pics either pics of bad ppl from films, psychopaths and people sticking one or two fingers up with offensive language obvs aimed at me and my family.
I knew it was him i messaged the profiles and asked what he was playing at? all i got were stupid messages back with thumbs up etc. then he contacted
i requested in our current conversation he take those down or atleast get them out of my sons name! he replied in a clever way saying “whatever you say” so rather than reacting i just said thankyou.
Seen them today and he’s changed the names but he’s just added extra names to my sons then he’s changed one of the profile pics to a known serial killer smirking. His GF has changed her profile pics to a cartoon character sticking one finger up saying “I can do no wrong” and iv just flipped and though what am i doing??
over the last year i have worked hard eliminating vile people from my life and moving on! I have a lovely life now and im going through counselling which has nearly ended and i’m feeling so happy and positive for the future. We’ve moved to a new area have a nice house and the world is falling into place then he turns up.
My initial gut feeling when my mum told me he’s messaged was oh god i’m not starting all this again! so I messaged him saying the meetings cancelled and we are not at war we are supposed to be behaving like normal people. I told him to cut the c£$p and get rid of it all the what ever you say the stupid profiles and pics i’ve also told him his GF needs to back off! and i will arrange a meeting after christmas but for now my schedule is far to full to make time to run about meeting someone who cant behave properly, respectfully and decently. I told him unless he takes responsibility for his actions its a no and i’ll just block him again. I said this is not an argument it’s a statement and it’s not to be argued with!
So what do you think to it all and what iv said to him? xx
14th December 2015 at 9:18 am #6151tobefreeParticipant
Hi, I am new here on here but reading your post I absolutely admire your strength to standing up to him. Having issues with my ex husband too and haven’t got any courage to do what you have. Well done and getting the strength, hope I can do the same one day! 🙂 xx
14th December 2015 at 3:08 pm #6163bubblesParticipant
Hi tobefree It’s hard to know whats right and wrong in these situations because doing the wrong thing now may hurt your child later in life. I’v always been funny about fully cutting him off even with SS go-ahead because taking a child away from their father it socially wrong i get allot of judgement for it too.
One good thing about my situation is he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in court! One thing i do say though is find your ground based on everyones best interest (look at your own too) the most damaging thing my kids were seeing was me becoming upset because even without contact he will get through to me somehow to hurt me. Stick to that ground because even considering organising something has caused my kids and myself allot of stress! If id just of said no in the first place it would of saved allot of pain! x
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