Reaching Out

[FreeFromHim]

Hi all

I feel so happy that I am able to contribute to the forum and having read some posts and topics I am as always deeply moved.

Alas, we all have something in common. Not by choice but we do all the same. I consider myself and children as survivors, but not out the woods as of yet.

I want to be able to voice my experience; my concerns with some authorities and lack of education or professionalism, but also my dream is to inspire others. Me and my children were victim to DA/V for (detail removed by moderator) years. I never knew what we went through had a name, it was just our world.

Finally last year he was arrested, ironically for a minor offence (although no offence is truly minor) but on the whole it was small. What that unlocked is that we were able to speak, we were able to identify and make sense of what we had been through and IT WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE. We were whirl-winded in to a world were we were interviewed and assessed, having to communicate with:social services, victim support, police, therapists, cafcass, court, solicitors and housing association.

I am so very grateful for the support we have received. However we have hit a stumbling block. The housing association have refused a management transfer request. Brief history is that victim support initiated the request. The HA (name withheld) ignored VS from (detail removed by moderator). In fact they have never spoken to me directly, ignores my calls and emails etc. I only had one face-to-face whereas it was confirmed due to the extent of the abuse a transfer would be the safest route. But a block is a joint tenancy. I quoted a legislation that was passed in parliament last year The Secure Tenancies (Victims of Domestic Abuse) Act 2018 (May). This has also been ignored. I have since made a second complaint and feel the way its going is to escalate to the ombudsmen. Regardless there were other issues of complaint (detail removed by moderator). The HA excuse (not said to me but via my IDVA) is that as I have not been violently attacked since last year they can not help me. In fact the only advice is to make me and my children homeless! Not very helpful. Again I have reiterated the Secure Tenancies Act. This is to remove perps name off joint tenancies to provide security. One reason out of many is so that the abuser will not be able to give notice to end a tenancy at a future point to further cause distress and abuse.

I wanted to see if any others have had similar/same experience and what was your outcome if any?

I really am unclear why HA were not familiar with this law and even more confused why they will not implement it?

Sadly I am treated as an ill-educated poorly paid HA tenant. Domestic abuse has no bias yet we are treated like we have the plague and the HA literally negate their duty of care and are trying to wash their hands of me as if I am a hindrance not a vulnerable person.

Simultaneously I have had to deal with yet another incident of harassment which I have informed them of (now have to get a non-molestation). It feels like I am shouting in a cave and am receiving nothing in return.

It would be great to learn if you have had to deal with joint tenancy issues, the use of the Secure Tenancies Act 2018 and any outcomes you have had (I pray for the positive).

Alternatively if your experience has been similar to mine, then I think this needs to be aired. Why is law that was brought into effect to protect us and our families being ignored. Why are we ‘advised’ to make ourselves homeless or flee to refuge, further disrupting our worlds and that of our children when they have the power to give security and peace of mind? I wonder if HA’s know that by ignoring this law is advocating the rights of abusers to keep the power and control regarding the roof over our head that can be taken away at any moment!

x

[KIP.]

I’m sorry I don’t have experience of this but I do have experience of getting my MP involved. It’s amazing how quickly things get done when you shine a huge spotlight on them. I bet they are breaking the law and if you have access to legal aid or Rights of Women then light a fire under them x

[FreeFromHim]

Hi Kip

Yes I got my local MP involved, then a week later received a letter from the HA that was shocking. It ignored all the sensitive detail I sent previously, paid no reference to the supporting documents (some I believe they have misplaced or lost). The letter spoke quite candidly about my private matters such as divorce etc.. to the point it was so personal to portray me as someone not worthy of their time… then upon my response to this I learn this poor letter was sent directly to the MP as their (HA) response. I did wonder why certain elements of the initial letter was literally giving a different version of what I had experienced with them. Immediately I thought they were trying to ‘gas-light’. Behaviours I am well aware of now and perhaps hyper-sensitive about.

What saddens me is that I have been pleading for someone to speak to me… why should I have to beg? Any response I had was via my IDVA’s or nothing at all. For months the same HA were ignoring victim support! Last week was the only time I had seen something written from the HA, my conclusion is that this letter wasn’t for me. It was written for the audience it was intended for… my MP… to portray me as a waste of space, a hindrance.

This of course is my personal experience, and I am thankful you have responded to me. It interests me how many other families have had to deal with this? I have literally spoon fed legislation to them, yet ignored. Sensitive documents are (allegedly) missing… yet I am ignored… However what hurts the most is that I have had to justify a million times to them what we have been through. A HA employee referred 3 times to our experience as an ‘Anti-Social Behavioural Issue’! The most annoying thing was twice I let that go, the third time I challenged that and their training/education on their professionalism with assisting victims/survivors… perhaps I challenged them too much?

I will not give up, not for my children or other families x

[Lisa]

Hi FreeFromHim,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had this bad experience; this isn’t what survivors of domestic abuse should be expecting from the Housing Association.

If you haven’t done so already you may want to speak to Shelterline. They are the experts in housing law and legislation so should be able to give you some good advice. They may also be able to offer you some advocacy with everything. You can contact them on 0808 800 4444, https://england.shelter.org.uk/

Best wishes,

Lisa

[FreeFromHim]

Thank you Lisa – I will check them out.

☺️

[Orangeapple]

Thank you I’m not alone in trying to relocate to a safer place. I’ll try shelterline too

[FreeFromHim]

I hope you found sensible folk that can help x

[Author]

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