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My mind can’t shut off tonight. I think the realisation of how much he has taken from me in every aspect of my life has just hit me with an almighty thud. I worked from the day I left school and from being with him I have no job, no friends, no savings I’ve completely lost my confidence, I’ve had to leave my home behind and move me and my son in with my mum I’ve had to leave all furniture a lot of pictures and sentimental things from when my child was born all of my child’s toys. I think the sentimental things hurt the worst. I feel like he is taken my prospects of a successful future away fro me I didn’t leave school with great results so when I did work I worked hard and it was all achieved on merit but I have been out of work for so long because of him things have changed now and getting back into work after loosing so much experience and everything is done on education results now I don’t feel it’s even achievable I can’t even ever see myself being able to afford a place for me and my child let alone being able to furnish it. I know I will never be able to have another relationship because of him. I just feel invisible and not any sort of value to society I feel useless. My personality has been broken into pieces by him.
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Hey there. I want you to know that you will recover from this. You absolutely will slowly build your self confidence back up. I know you won’t believe me because when someone said the same thing to me I didn’t believe them. I was so broken. Slowly the fog of abuse does clear and without the trauma and the grief you will have a great life. The main thing is that you go absolutely zero contact. Use a solicitor for all communication. I’m in my fifties and was with my abuser for three decades and I’ve just finished a night school course in psychology. There’s so much help out there to further your education. Child care in many colleges. You’re still in shock but you will move on from this. Your brain is processing the abuse which is normal. When we are abused our brain doesn’t have that luxury because we are stuck in fight or flight or freeze mindset. In the early days I had to limit myself to three things a day. It could be open mail, put bin out and have a shower. That strong independent girl you describe is still in there. Let her come out. Get a solicitor on board to fight for you. To get your belongings you can ask the police to go with you to collect them or get someone else to do that. The anger and the fight will return. Just take baby steps and reach out for help. Get women’s aid on your side. They have access to lawyers and other agencies. Keep going x
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