- This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by gettingtired.
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23rd May 2022 at 4:36 pm #144165Winter2022Participant
I’m having a tough day today with some news about my own health. After coming back home and as usual getting in a argument with him it makes you realize the difficult life you live. I really hope one day I am strong enough to leave him and I really do hate the fact that I care for him so much. I read these posts and makes me hope one day I can be free like these strong people. I have accepted the fact that this is who he is and he will never change. But when will I take that step to leave? Why don’t I have that strength now…will it be 2 weeks from now or will it be 2 years from now or will it ever be? I feel so lonely in this and can’t believe I am in this impossible situation. These messages and posts give me strength and hope everyday so thank you all.
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23rd May 2022 at 5:25 pm #144169gettingtiredParticipant
Hey I hope it brings you some comfort to know I’m in exactly the same situation as you. I know he won’t change, I know it will only get worse but I can’t bring myself to leave. You said you hope you can be like the strong people here but you already are strong. My therapist suggested practising self-compassion. There’s a workbook I’m currently studying called ‘The Mindful Self-Compassion workbook’. It’s amazing how kind we are to others but how harsh we are on ourselves. I think maybe we need to be kinder to ourselves in order to break free xx
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23rd May 2022 at 6:00 pm #144172nbumblebeeParticipant
And another here sweetie.
You are not alone never.
I dont even love mine but i still cant leave.
Theres no time frame no right or wrong in this we do what we can when we can to keep ourselves safe and if thats all we can do then so be it.
There is hope and there is help out there if you want it you have just gotta reach out when you are ready.
Baby stwps foward one at a time.
You are here you see what he does i guess you know what he does thats a great firat step.
Now start reading learning and talking use that as your next step. The rest will follow in your time at your pace.
But sweetie you are never alone ever.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
Sending hugs stay safe stay strong x -
23rd May 2022 at 8:45 pm #144189BananaboatParticipant
There’s no time frame on it, I think as caring people we want to know we’ve tried everything, given everything, explored and discounted every possible reason for his behaviour and every possible solution. Even then, when we realise it’s not us it’s them and they’ll never change, there’s another process of accepting that and ‘what next’. For some that happens in days/weeks, for others years. But acknowledging the behaviour is unacceptable and inexcusable is a massive step. Realising he wasn’t there for me during difficult times, even making them harder was a big eye opener for me. I hope you’re ok after your health news, look after yourself x
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23rd May 2022 at 9:30 pm #144196IAmGoodEnoughParticipant
Also right there with you. I know I want to leave. I have done so much healing in the last year but I am so lonely it hurts. My therapist told me last time I saw him that I have gone as far as I can while within the relationship. It is time to start taking action. But it’s like a psychological brick wall. I just can’t seem to take that leap. I don’t know what is stopping me. I am sick of thinking about it every second of every day. It does feel so impossible.
But don’t ever say you are not strong. We all know first hand how much strength it takes to live like this and not give up. To deal with what we deal with day after day. To put one foot in front of the other.
This will get better for all of us.
Keep your head up xx-
24th May 2022 at 12:55 am #144210gettingtiredParticipant
I’m at the same stage as you right now. It is exhausting having it running through your mind continuously every waking hour isn’t it? For me it’s trauma bonding that is stopping me from making that break. I’m away from him at the moment and to be honest I don’t really miss him (or the abuse obviously). But when I’ve had opportunities to leave over the past year I’ve gone to pieces when it’s come down to it.
Like you said it will get better for all of us, it’s a journey and when we’re ready it will happen x
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