Really rubbish day

[Mummyboo]

I’ve had a horrible day. He came over to leave our kids over to me and as usual sat and made himself comfortable for ages. He asked me a question and I didn’t answer in a happy enough way (being near him makes me anxious) so he was all “what did I do” – And I just snapped about how I hate when he stays so long when he comes to my sister’s to leave them off and that soon I will be getting a social house and there is no way he will be coming in there. A whole row started then and he was acting like it was all me being crazy like blaming my brain injury and my mental illness. And that he wasn’t doing anything and so it’s all my problem that I’m anxious. I kept asking him to leave but he wouldn’t so I had to press my sky guard so the police came and asked him to leave. My boys were there the whole time and my eldest was so upset and angry at me for calling the police. I was so angry afterwards I blocked him (& his (detail removed by Moderator) sister) on social media so then he rang me shouting and roaring about that. I hung up on him and then he sent this cryptic text about “(detail removed by Moderator)“- it kind of felt like he was trying to make me think he was going to do something to himself but I just replied saying I would kiss the boys for him.
Sorry for the ramble. I’m just so fed up with all this. I’ve been left for (detail removed by Moderator) months and it just doesn’t get easier. All I want him to do is leave me alone and let me get on with my life. I am more than happy for him to see the kids every week, I just want him to leave them off at the door and go. Is that too much to ask.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

Is there any way you can use a third party to arrange child contact? This sort of setup sounds like a nightmare, as he is just using it to continue his abuse. It also sounds very worrying having his sister involved if she is taking drugs. I don’t know much about this not having children myself but I understand a lot of women use a third party and contact centres to avoid exactly this sort of scenario, so hopefully they will see your thread and shed light on how to set it up.

[KIP.]

Zero contact is the only way forward. My ex used to say things like ‘I wouldn’t want to live without you’. He did it to get sympathy and a reaction, which you gave him. Make it clear you will ring the police every time he steps into your home. And follow through. Use a contact book that the kids take with them. Any info can go in that. You are in control. He enjoys seeing you distressed and manipulating you. Don’t allow him x

[Mummyboo]

Thanks for your replies. I think I’m going to have to start doing the handovers through a third party and not my family as he has them wrapped around his finger. A social worker asked my sister to do all the contact stuff months ago and she lasted less than a day. He even rang her for a shoulder to cry on (detail removed by Moderator). I will contact social services on Tuesday (detail removed by Moderator). I haven’t heard from him today but I’m just going to staff strong and wait until (detail removed by Moderator) when he is supposed to pick up the boys. I just want this over.

[Author]

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