Really showing his true colours now

[GoingInsane]

wow, so I leave (date removed by moderator). I stayed out of his way tonight, not long been back. so glad I made that decision, also so glad I made the decision to leave. he’s really showing his true colours now, although it’s been building up all week tbh. started off by laughing and whistling and humming away to himself, happiness isn’t something he normally shows! and then he started with the goading, and the cutting across me, and the telling me to shut the f&ck up (something I told him I’d leave him for in the early days if he ever said it again!). he asked if tomorrow was the last time he’d ever have to see me, and no, not asked in a sad way. asked me if I’d got the divorce petition sorted yet and could I get on with it as it’ll be the best xmas present he’s ever had and how it can’t come soon enough. he seems to forget I’m leaving him because I’m sick of this sort of behaviour! not once has he apologised or tried to make amends, he’s just gone straight in for the money, although that did me a favour tbh because I lost complete and utter respect for him the moment he did that given he’s more than capable of supporting himself. but it’s over, it’s what he wanted, not that it’s even been a marriage for over a year, why be so downright spiteful when he’s getting what he wants.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Goinginsane, he’s still at it i see, his ego has taken a serious hit, he’s lost his gold mine and supply. I’m so so proud of you, you’ve given YOURSELF the best Christmas present EVER 🎄🍾. Look at how far you’ve come and how strong you’ve become again. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to know you’re nearly out. Put this relationship in the s..t experience box, take the positives from it. Don’t give him another thought, he doesn’t deserve any(thoughts) one bit. Once you’re out are you going no contact? Let the solicitors deal with him, cut him off, you are no longer his supply 💛💚😃, that will kill him, not seeing you upset and agitated by his behaviour. I’m going to have a wee malt whisky at the weekend and I’ll toast you, Slaintè
IWMB 💕💕

[GoingInsane]

haha IWMB your reply made me smile lots 🙂 yes he’s still at it and seriously upping the anti, am completely dreading the morning but still, at least it’s only for about an hour and then that’s it! tbh he’s done me a favour. I was walking home from work tonight feeling a bit poo about it all and wondering if I was being harsh on him, which comes naturally to me as I’m really awesome about taking responsibility for everything and feeling bad! but when I walked in and he was being like that, well it’s confirmed I’ve absolutely made the right decision. yes am going to go no contact :0) I move this weekend and will certainly be having something fizzy to celebrate, it’s in my fridge waiting for me! I’ll raise a glass to you too IWMB, you’ve been such an amazing help and I promise to keep coming back here to activity help women in these situations.

[Iwantmeback]

Your strength is jumping out of the page to us. I smile every time I read your post, I’ve read it about 5x now😃.I know it’ll be me someday😉 IWMB 💕💕
I think once we’ve been touched by abuse, it changes us forever. Many of us will always help one way or another either WA or the women still in abusive situations. I’m going to go down the counselling,/governmental road once I’m out. Take care and best wishes for moving out💕💕

[Halfwayout]

Go for it Goinginsane, I’m glad to read im not the only one with a freak who does the loud singing, laughing and whistling. I put it down to trying to project happiness also intimidation to freak us out. My OH has been doing the manic singing for a couple of weeks now as his solicitor is on his case. Hope all goes well and enjoy your wee glass, remember he’s not worth the head space.🥂

[lover of no contact]

Well done Goinginsane. You are doing great! He has done you a favour with his ‘discarding’ behaviours. My fellow did the same and even did the singing, (If you leave me now you’ll take away the biggest part of me..song ) whistling, pretend good mood, then the hostility would show. I found the hostility bit the hardest, hard not to take it personally when their hatred has nothing to do with me but they are so filled with hate.

Anyway my fellow acting like yours did me a favour because his behaviours cut my trauma bond to him and destroyed every last drop of love I had for his ‘false self’. So he did me a huge favour because like you I am soft-hearted, prone to forgiving easily and trying to see the best in others. But he showed me his true colours and I will never forget and I will never forget the emotional pain I experienced due to his behaviours so I know I am safe from his hoovers. Because they never stop attempting to hoover us back in , even after years if we come across their path but I am in no danger as he destroyed any bit of love or hope I had for the relationship.

GOSO (Get out and stay out!!)>

[KIP.]

Hi, ditto to lover of no contact. Just want to add that this is the most dangerous time. If you can leave sooner before he expects it or have someone there when you do move. It will be much safer for you. Never underestimate these men.

[Lisa]

Hello Goinginsane,

I just wanted to show you some support and to say that please do consider phoning the helpline if you can find a safe time to do so. It might be helpful for them to talk you through a safety plan and a risk assessment as it can be a dangerous time if an abusive person realises that their control is shifting so please do be careful. It might be worth you not staying in the house with him and seeing if you might have a relative or a friend who can help you to pack up and move your things when he is out of the house and not expecting it. He might try to continue to abuse you long after you have moved out too so perhaps the helpline could help you to think about a strategy for that too.

Good luck with it all. Let us know how you are doing, we are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[GoingInsane]

Hi Ladies, knowing your support is there is just so so, well I couldn’t do it without you all keeping reinforcing how wrong it all is that’s for sure. I’ve now left the flat we shared and am back in the house I had before we met for the evening packing up the final bits before the sale completes. (Detail removed by Moderator) I’m heading to a cottage I’ve rented for a few days close by to my new house and the neighbours are all expecting me and the day I move into the new house an alarm is being fitted. I’ve even bought some of those motion cameras that link to Alexa and your iPhone, more so I can watch the cat I’m rehoming when I’m not there but still very useful to have as I’ll be rural! That is the only thing that does worry me, he does know where the new house is as he was originally buying it with me but I switched it to my name only at the 11th hour when his behaviours started up. He will also receive the divorce petition (Detail removed by Moderator) and obviously my petition (Detail removed by Moderator) and I’ve had to give examples, so I can’t imagine that will go down to well. The new place is hundreds of miles from the shared flat and he’s away over the xmas break, but he had packed his bags and toothbrush (Detail removed by Moderator) when he left so he’s heading somewhere (Detail removed by Moderator) and I don’t know where! That does make me slightly uneasy as he knows where I’m heading and I’ve no idea where he’s off to. My friend joins me on (Detail removed by Moderator) for a couple of days though and (Detail removed by Moderator) he will have to be at work which will be a good (Detail removed by Moderator) hours from where I will be. By the time I’m on my own he should be heading out of the country, so other than the first night I’m pretty much covered. It’s so easy to think how he’s not like that, how he wouldn’t do anything, but then I really didn’t anticipate him trying to take me to the cleaners financially and the fact that he’s ok with doing that too. and (Detail removed by Moderator) he has been upping the anti big time, whistling and humming to himself and then being hostile towards me. He’s made it clear he wants the divorce as much as I do, but then I’ve been the one to take the control away from him by petitioning for it.

Thank you so so much for being here ladies. It really does make a huge difference, especially as you all (sadly!) understand these games they play. xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Goinginsane, kudos to you for getting the cameras installed👏👏 enjoy the cottage, it sounds perfect after the hell you’ve gone through. Yes it’s a worry he knows where you are but you don’t know where he is. Could you contact local police for extra peace of mind, I’ve heard they can have your address linked to the station, not sure if this would be an option. As you know, this is really when they show their true colours. Don’t underestimate him, but also dont let him in your head any longer than is necessary😉

You are a true warrior princess @Goinginsane

IWMB 💕💕

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