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    • #15142
      Starmoon
      Participant

      There’s just no going back.. If I hadn’t expected so much from him that weekend, and expected him to read my mind over what I needed. I’m so ashamed I didn’t just suck it up and act like a normal person. Then I just couldn’t keep it together after that, couldn’t cope with him leaving and Losing the baby. I’ve said stuff I regret. On the day he left me I sat on the floor crying and shouting at him then begging him not to go. I called him selfish and evil for leaving me. But that makes me the abuser it really does. I just don’t know what to do

    • #15144
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      You’re not an abuser for having emotions. You’re better off without this man who has tried to destroy your belief in yourself and self esteem. You will get strong once again. Sending a hug xx

    • #15148
      SaharaD
      Participant

      I don’t think you can overreact in the middle of a miscarriage.

      it’s an extreme situation that warrants an extreme response.

      Abusers respond extremely in calm situations and it’s to have power and control and entitlement over the situation.

      you have no power or control in a miscarriage.

      just get rid of this man…..week after week he keep manipulating you and making you think that you are crazy by destabilizing the situation.

      dont give him child contact let him go through the courts so it’s official and not his lies.

    • #15151
      Starmoon
      Participant

      He had the baby last week and wouldn’t give her back, called ss and told them I wasn’t stable enough to look after her…possibly true at that moment… I’m ashamed at not being able to keep it together. Is it a good enough excuse that I was having a miscarriage and he’d left me to feel I couldn’t cope. I feel like everyone is telling me I’m a bad person for losing it. I couldn’t hate myself anymore than I do 😢

    • #15157
      Serenity
      Participant

      It is his treatment of you that has made you feel unstable.

      He is emotionally and mentally abusive.

      I read your post the other day regarding your dad. Please don’t let your dad’s reactions sway you into thinking you are in the wrong.

      Do you and your dad normally get on? I thought I got on with my elder sister all these years- but it’s only now I can see how controlling she actually is.

      Often, victims have controlling or I empathetic people in their family/ abusive people in their family – which is why they choose an abusive relationship.

      Your dad didn’t handle the situation at all well. I don’t know if he is abusive normally, or if he just couldn’t handle the situation and handled it wrongly- but he shouldn’t have been so harsh.

      You will find that a lot of people will be lacking in understanding about the state you are in, simply because they haven’t been through it. No one except victims understands properly how being with an abuser destabilises you.

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